Saturday, November 5, 2011

Moment of Zen: Looking...

I have to admit that as I am writing this, I am not really in a mood for a Moment of Zen.  My grandfather, who has been in and out of the hospital and nursing home for over a month now, is not expected to live for more than a few more days.  I watched my other grandfather suffer for over a year with cancer as he wasted away and died.  My late grandfather and my grandfather in the hospital have both suffered greatly in their last few days.  Needless to say, I am finding it hard to find a Moment of Zen right now.  The only comfort I can take in the moment is that his suffering will mostly likely be over soon, and he will be in a better place.

I chose the picture above because the model is deep in thought, whether he is looking backward or forward, I do not know.  I can take some comfort in looking back and remembering my grandfather for who he was before the dementia set in.  He's always had a hearing problem, though 90 percent of it was mostly likely spending years tuning out my grandmother, who is a wonderful woman herself (don't get me wrong), but when my grandfather wanted to hear something, he heard it just fine, when he didn't, well he didn't hear a thing.  Often it was the times when my grandmother either got off on one of her tangents or was fussing about something, that his hearing seemed to be the worse.  When you love someone, I guess, you have to learn to love them no matter what, and sometime it takes a little "hearing problem" to make things better.


silvereagle said...

JoeBlow---This piece is certainly written from your heart and its warmth and love ix evident. Thank you for sharing with us. I will be in prayer for your grandfather, your family, and you in this time, as in other times as well.

Silver Eagle


As the "password" for my posting to get this on line today is "tragis"! How approporiate.

Queer Heaven said...

Wonderful post this morning. It has made me remember back to my grandfather.... thanks!

Jay M. said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your grandfather. Having just lost my father to cancer, all I can say is that it isn't easy, no matter what. It's too bad that he's been suffering. I guess my dad was "lucky" (?!) in that he went from just tired and not feeling well to too sick to recover in a matter of days, and the end was painless and peaceful, though not easy for those of us who were there. Dwell on the happy memories, "selective hearing" included! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, and your grandfather.

Peace <3

Mack said...

So sorry to hear about your Grandfather. I hope you and your family can find peace in the next days. Not an easy place to be. And yet, at the same time, it makes us all confront our own mortality, and realize that there we will be one day. Do take care.

Anonymous said...


God is in the setting and the rising of the sun, in our bereavements and in our blessings.

May your faith in God sustain you in the difficult days ahead.


GVP said...

I am sorry to hear about your grandfather. This really brings back memory of my granmother. I still miss her dearly, and regret that she left us without any forewarning signs due to a heart attack.

The second really has me smiling, since it's exactly what my dad is doing to my mum despite his hearing loss being trivial :)

Thanks for sharing this.

becca said...

hugs sweetie

tamayn said...

It's never easy to watch the ones we love fade away. The best thing you can do is what you are doing right now. Who they are is still there though.

Coop said...

My best to you and your family, Joe. You are in my prayers.
I never like to hear of someone suffering in their final hours... but sometimes it isn't up to us mortals.

fan of casey said...

Joe: It is so difficult to lose a loved one. Take comfort that you can spend time with him during his final days.