How to Bathe a Cat:
1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.
3. Obtain the cat and soothe her while you carry her toward the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape).
CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as her paws will be reaching out for any purchase they can find.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power wash and rinse' which I have found to be quite effective.
6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where she will dry herself.
Obviously, this is not how I gave my cats a bath, but the cats’ reactions were about the same. I wouldn't normally try to bathe a cat, but we seem to have a flea problem. The medicine you put on their back didn't work. The flea spray didn't work. So we tried a bath, mainly because the flea spray made Edith a little sick. I hope the baths work.
Ok, I'll get maudlin if I keep talking about HRH. Here are some funny cat quotes:
To bathe a cat takes brute force, perseverance, courage of conviction, and a cat. The last ingredient is usually the hardest to come by. -- Stephen Baker
I gave my cat a bath the other day. They love it. He just sat there and enjoyed it. It was fun for me. The fur kept sticking to my tongue, but other than that... -- Steve Martin
One is never sure, watching two cats washing each other, whether it's affection, the taste, or a trial run for the jugular. -- Helen Thomson
Some people say man is the most dangerous animal on the planet. Obviously those people have never met an angry cat. -- Lillian Johnson
Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer.
P.S. The job search continues. I'm doing my best to get out several applications a day. I signed up yesterday to volunteer at a local museum to gain some museum experience. One of the things that they will do is to train me in preservation of artifacts. Volunteering is a lot cheaper than a master's in museum studies, and I really think it will be fun. I’ve also had a high school in Utah that seems pretty interested in my résumé. It will have to be a pretty good salary and benefits for me to move to a small town where the closest city is two hours away.