Monday, July 27, 2015


Today was the absolutely worst day ever
And don't try to convince me that
There's something good in every day
Because, when you take a closer look,
This world is a pretty evil place.
Even if
Some goodness does shine through once in a while
Satisfaction and happiness don't last.
And it's not true that 
It's all in the mind and heart
True happiness can be obtained
Only if ones surroundings are good 
It's not true that good exists
I'm sure you can agree that
The reality 
My attitude 
It's all beyond my control
And you'll never in a million years hear me say that 
Today was a good day

Now read from bottom to top.

Optimism versus pessimism, it's all about perspective, but science has proven that optimism has real benefits to our lives.  “Think happy thoughts” is common wisdom that many people rely on for getting through feelings of depression, and painful or difficult situations. Often, people try to be happy when they're not; hoping that they will become the happy person they're impersonating.

Much of our behavior depends on our attitudes. If our attitudes are negative, we can expect to be vulnerable to addictions and depression, and the resulting lack of focus and concentration may degrade every area of your life. A positive attitude can be developed by monitoring and disciplining your thoughts on a moment-by-moment basis.

If you are like me, however, this is hard.  Yesterday, was actually a bad day for me.  My cluster headache shave come back, and I've only had brief moments without pain for the past week or so.  Furthermore, I'm frustrated with my job hunt.  I'm worried about what I will do when the money runs out.  To say the least, I'm scared, very scared.  I'm also depressed because it looks increasingly like I will end up with a job that once again will it put my education to full use and might not even need me to use it at all.  I worked too hard to let it go to waste.

So yesterday I was feeling very depressed.  Even on antidepressants, there are days like yesterday.  So when my mother called asking me to do something else that would keep me away from putting out more job applications, I got angry, and we had a fight.  I always end up being the one to apologize because as many of us know, mothers are very good at guilting their children.  I admit that I was unfair to my mother.  She has a lot on her mind right now.  

She's getting her mother ready to move into an assisted living home, and she's packing up the house I grew up in because they are finally selling it (they built their other house several years ago as a vacation home but decided to move their full-time).  She also suffers from fibromyalgia.  So I know she's under a lot of stress, and she's on constant pain.  But am I just selfish because I want her to remember that I am unemployed and looking for a job and I need time to be able to look for that job?  Maybe I am, but I already feel like I'm being pulled in a dozen directions when there are other family members who could help, but because I am unemployed and childless, I am the one expected to do it all.

Also, I have a problem with saying no.  I hate to disappoint, and I often care too much what others think of me.  So on most days I “put on a happy face” and “think happy thoughts” even though I feel like I'm dying inside.  I tried very hard to keep a positive outlook on things, but right now, it's looking very bleak.

A friend sent me the words above, and at first, I thought, “Well, they kind of summed up my day.”  But hen I got to the end and red it from the bottom to the top.  The words were the same but the message was the complete opposite.  So, I am going to try to put on a happy face.  I do have wonderful friends who help me when I'm down.  But while I keep a happy face to the public, no one really knows (except those who are reading this), that I sometimes cry myself to sleep at night because I scared of what the future holds.  Yet, I keep praying and hoping at hat God will help alleviate those fears and things will be for the better when all the dust settles and I find a job.


Hot studs said...

Ouch, man... Sorry to hear that! :/
Hope for a better times/days.

Michael Dodd said...

My wordless post yesterday was of a picture frame held up against the horizon. The name given to the image where I found it was "Perspectives."

To me it spoke of how one frames the world one sees, how one frames the questions. This can make all the difference, not to the world which is bigger than any frame, but to me and my attitudes. I/we are facing major uncertainties at the moment because of health issues, potentially very serious ones. We need to sell property and move to a new place and start paying closer attention to what it means to age and even -- dare I say it? -- die, and most likely one before the other. But I can frame the issue in a way that excludes the excitement of a new place and includes only the fear of being alone. Or I can frame in in another way that makes me see the new adventure, unknown but bearing the potential for wondrous things I cannot yet imagine, even as I leave behind places and people I care about.

Frame your day in hope, and you will discover love and life within it.

Here endeth the sermon.

Paul said...

Michael Dodd - May I repost your "sermon"? I love the message and the way you said it.


I've had my share of similar experiences with family. I've no solution to share. Would that I did. Wishing better times ahead for you.

Susan said...

Joe, I don't have the words like Michael does, but I truly hope you get what you need and what you want. I will say more in a private message.

Amanda said...

That is a good reminder about perspective. I know it's not easy but it helps to have the reminder again. I hope your headache gets better. And, I will keep you in my prayers as always on the job front and family. ((hugs))

Joe said...

Michael, thank you as always for your inspiring words.

Joe said...

Amanda, thank you and you are in my prayers as well.

Thanks, Paul, Susan and Hot Stud.

Anonymous said...

Hang in there. Something good will happen when you least expect it.