Saturday, January 2, 2016

Moment of Zen: Being Held


When I was in college and coming to terms with my sexuality, one of the things that made me realize I was gay was that I wanted to be held by a man. Of course I'd had fantasies about sex with a guy and kissing a man and all the other things that gay men do, but the number one thing I always wanted was to be held in the strong arms of a man and to feel his hard chest up against me. I wanted a man to put their arms around me and make me feel safe. Honestly, if I had to choose just one type of contact with a man, I'd be happy the rest of my life, if I could just get held and comforted on occasion. Maybe that sounds silly or even pathetic, but I'd held my girlfriends and comforted them and all I wanted was to be held in the same way. Knowing that I wanted to be held, helped me to realize that I was attracted to men and not women. Also the fact that when I had erotic dreams they were always of men and not women was the other major clue.

Usually my moments of zen are things that made me smile during the week, but this one is something that I long for. I want someone to hold me when I cry. I want someone to hold me because they love me. I want someone to hold me so their smell can make all things right with the world. I want someone to hold me so  we can feel our heartbeats in unison. I want someone to hold me and make me safe. Ther are many things in life that I want that I know I will never have, but to have someone to hold me could and I hope will happen.

Thought of being held always bring to mind the song "The Best Is Yet To Come" because of the lyrics in the second half of the song:

Wait till your charms are right for these arms to surround
You think you've flown before, but baby, you ain't left the ground
Wait till you're locked in my embrace
Wait till I draw you near
Wait till you see that sunshine place
Ain't nothin' like it here
The best is yet to come and babe, won't it be fine?
The best is yet to come, come the day you're mine
Come the day you're mine

6 comments:

Susan said...

A beautiful Moment of Zen, Joe. It expresses feelings so many of us have; the desire for security that comes with being in the arms of someone we love and who loves us in return. My wish for you in 2016 is that you find that person to hold you tight. And until then...(((Hugs)))

JiEL said...

I couldn't say better than Susan...

I'm also wishing you to find those warm arms to give you all the Love you deserve.

2016 will be the year of LOVE for you: I'm praying so you will find your soulmate.

Cheers.

Amanda said...

I think that's a wonderful moment of zen Joe. We all want to love and be loved in return. I hope you find this and more. And may the arms that hold you be what you want most. :)

Simon said...

May we all get more love from everyone this year :)

naturgesetz said...

I'm not sure if I want to be held more than I want to hold another man. I think probably the latter, but either way, such an embrace would be very satisfying.

Lenny Ricci said...

I know a cyber hug isn't going to fulfill your needs right now, but I'd like to pass a giant one along... close your eyes.. feel this giant hug's heartbeat next to yours and know that there are people out there that love you for who you are right now.

Lenny from Denver