40

That's how old I am today. 40. The big 4-0. Happy birthday to me. Today will be just another day at work. After work, we are all going to Montpelier to have drinks and dinner. That's how I will be celebrating my birthday. The real celebration though comes tomorrow. A coworker and I are going to Montreal. She had a terrible 40th birthday so we are going to make up for it and have a grand old time in Montreal. We have a hotel in the Gay Village. We may go see some museums first, then we will party in the Gay Village that night. I'm not sure what we will do Saturday but I expect to be a little hungover. I can drink how ever much I want, and I don't have to worry about driving, just being able to walk back to the hotel. I'm not a big drinker, so I won't actually drink that much. Anyway, it should be a gay old time.

Snow

While overnight we were expecting rain and warmer temperatures, snow has been on the ground the last couple of days. As a southerner, I get fascinated by snow. As someone who lives in Vermont, snow is quite aggravating.  If I could stay home and watch it snow, I'd be happy for it to snow, snow, snow, but rarely do we have that luxury. We have to go to work which means getting out and scraping your car of ice and brushing off all the snow. I hate doing that. Which in turns means, I've begun to hate snow.

Just to clear something up, I was just ranting about snow. It still fascinates me. I'm just lazy some mornings and hate having to go scrape ice off my car. Brushing the snow off isn't too bad.

Chicago

Tuesday, December 12 at 10 am is when my interview in Chicago is set for. I'm excited. I have my fights booked and my hotel room reserved. Now I just have to be patient for another two weeks. At least I have those two I weeks to prepare myself. So any advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm just so glad they finally got back to me. I was beginning to wonder if they ever would, but they did, so my anxiety level has dropped some. I'm more excited than anything. I can't wait to show them why I am the best possible candidate.

Boystown

Marshal Thornton is a novelist, playwright, and screenwriter living in Long Beach, California. He is best known for writing the Boystown detective series. I just finished reading the two Boystown novella prequels: Little Boy Dead and Little Boy Afraid. The books revolve around former Chicago policeman turned private investigator Nick Nowak.

Little Boy Dead takes place during the 1979 Film Fest Chicago where Nick has gotten a job as a driver and as head of security. In a very short time, Nick deals with stalking fans, a crowd of protesters, and a critic's stolen wallet that leads to murder. The novella is fast paced and an easy read. Oh and Nick is a bit of a slut since the breakup with his boyfriend, so there are plenty of steamy sex scenes.

As soon as I finished reading the first prequel, I immediately started on Little Boy Afraid. It's now the winter of 1980 and Nick has one of his first jobs working for an openly-gay state senate candidate. The candidate has been receiving death threats, a lot of them, and it's Nick's job to keep him alive until the election.

I really enjoyed both novellas. I love how he adds a little bit of history in the novellas such as the peanut farmer running for president. I have one question though: who ran for president in 1980 who became famous selling 20 Mule Team Borax?* The choices seem to be Ted Kennedy, U.S. senator from Massachusetts, Jerry Brown, governor of California, and Cliff Finch, former governor of Mississippi. None seem to fit the bill.

I highly recommend the Boystown prequels. I can't wait to delve into Thornton's other Boystown detective books.

*Ronald Reagan. I was thinking Democratic Primary and totally forgot about Reagan.

Patience

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. - Romans 12:12

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. - Philippians 4:6

I am generally a patient person. When in a restaurant, I never get impatient with the wait staff when it takes a while to get my food. I might get hungrier, but not impatient. When waiting at a doctor’s office, I’m patient and know that I will be seen as soon as possible. When everyday things happen, I am patient. It’s when the extraordinary happens that I become impatient. It’s been two weeks since the lady in Chicago told me she’d make the arrangements for me to come to Chicago. She said she’d get to it “soon.” After a week, I emailed her and was told she was working on it. This is one of those extraordinary things that make me impatient. It could be life changing. I just don’t know what will happen.

I do have hope and the Lord says to rejoice in hope. My need to be patient is a mere tribulation. Prayer will soothe my worrying mind. Philippians. 4:6 says, “Do not be anxious about anything.” For someone who suffers from anxiety disorder, this is hard, but prayer and supplication can help. At this time of thanksgiving, I will just have to let my requests be known by God.

We can all learn from these two passages. Patience is a virtue. When we feel impatience growing, we need to turn to God in prayer. Only he can soothe our minds and help us to truly be patient.

Moment of Zen: Roll Tide

He may not be everyone's cup of tea but I think he's cute as a button. Roll Tide!

Black Friday

I have to be at the doctor's office at 8:30 this morning. He's going to tell me two things: I need to lose weight and I need a sleep study. I want to lose weight, that's a no brainer, but I dread doing a sleep study. I'm pretty sure I have sleep apnea, but I don't want to have to wear a mask to sleep in. Anyway, that's going to be the first part of my morning.

After the doctor's appointment, I plan to go do a little bit of shopping. I need a new dress overcoat that will look good with my new suit. I plan to go to just two stores, which I hope will not be overcrowded, and if I can't find what I want, I have one picked out online to order.

If it's late enough after that is done, then I plan to go get some sushi for lunch. I try to eat sushi at least once a month. I believe I'm due. I may also go get a haircut, but I haven't made up my mind on that just yet.

Happy Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving Day is usually filled with family and food.  There are many LGBT out there who are without their families because of the hate and bigotry that exists in this world.  I hope those who cannot be with their families, for whatever reasons, have wonderful friends with whom to share this day of Thanksgiving, and I hope they feel the love that I send their way.

I wanted this post to be about all that I am thankful for this year.  With my birthday, (it's next week), I will begin a new year of my life with hope and promise for a wonderful future.  I am so thankful for my family.  They may drive me crazy at times, but I love them and they love me.  I am thankful for the love and companionship provided by my dear cat Isabella, who will never replace HRH, but she is a wonderful and joyous companion.  I am thankful for the wonderful people with whom I have the pleasure to work. I am thankful for the opportunities that Chicago may have in store for me. I am thankful to be alive and in a happy point in my life.  Most of all, I am thankful for the many friends in my life.  Some of them are people I've never met in person, but have formed a connection with through my blog.  For them, I want to say, you are as important to me and as loved by me as if you were a friend I saw everyday.  I love you all!  Thank you for being my friends.

I am spending the day with just me and Isabella. I had the opportunity to go to a coworker's house, but decided to spend this Thanksgiving alone. I have my turkey, gravy, and mashed potatoes. I even have some veggies to cook. I look forward to a day of reflection and meditation on what I am thankful for this year.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

Tired

I was tired last night because the night before, I'd had a severe headache that kept me awake half the night. I tried taking something over the counter, but that didn't phase it. I ended up taking my prescription medicine. That finally worked easing the headache enough and putting me to sleep, but it left me groggy all day long. I did not want to get up yesterday morning, and I know I fell asleep at my desk at least once.

Morning Song

Morning Song
by Sara Teasdale

A diamond of a morning
   Waked me an hour too soon;
Dawn had taken in the stars
   And left the faint white moon.

O white moon, you are lonely,
   It is the same with me,
But we have the world to roam over,
   Only the lonely are free.

Travel Arrangements

I'm supposed to find out today when I will be going to Chicago. After not hearing anything all week, I emailed on Friday and was told that she'd have arrangements done either by the close of business on Friday or Monday at the latest. So I'm hoping, I will hear something today. Hopefully, I will be going in the first week in December. I just hope that I like the people, the job, and the salary once I get there. In other words, I want to really want this job. I find the idea of moving to Chicago very exciting. Any advice for the next part of this journey?

Shall We Gather at the River?

Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, bright as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb through the middle of the street of the city; also, on either side of the river, the tree of life with its twelve kinds of fruit, yielding its fruit each month. The leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations. – Revelation 22:1-2

Shall We Gather at the River?
By Robert Lowry

Shall we gather at the river,
Where bright angel feet have trod,
With its crystal tide forever
Flowing by the throne of God?

Yes, we’ll gather at the river,
The beautiful, the beautiful river;
Gather with the saints at the river
That flows by the throne of God.

On the margin of the river,
Washing up its silver spray,
We will talk and worship ever,
All the happy golden day.

Yes, we’ll gather at the river,
The beautiful, the beautiful river;
Gather with the saints at the river
That flows by the throne of God.

Ere we reach the shining river,
Lay we every burden down;
Grace our spirits will deliver,
And provide a robe and crown.

Yes, we’ll gather at the river,
The beautiful, the beautiful river;
Gather with the saints at the river
That flows by the throne of God

At the smiling of the river,
Mirror of the Savior’s face,
Saints, whom death will never sever,
Lift their songs of saving grace.

Yes, we’ll gather at the river,
The beautiful, the beautiful river;
Gather with the saints at the river
That flows by the throne of God.

Soon we’ll reach the silver river,
Soon our pilgrimage will cease;
Soon our happy hearts will quiver
With the melody of peace.

Yes, we’ll gather at the river,
The beautiful, the beautiful river;
Gather with the saints at the river
That flows by the throne of God.

If you know his song, you most likely know it’s title as “Shall We Gather at the River?” or simply “At the River.” These titles are the popular names for the traditional Christian hymn that is actually titled “Hanson Place,” written by American poet and gospel music composer Robert Lowry (1826–1899). Robert Lowry (1826-1899) was a professor of literature, a Baptist pastor of several large churches and a music editor at Biglow Publishing Company. He wrote close to 500 hymns, including “I Need Thee Every Hour” and “Low in the Grave He Lay.”  “Shall We Gather at the River?” was written in 1864. The title “Hanson Place” is a reference to the original Hanson Place Baptist Church in Brooklyn, where Lowry, as a Baptist minister, sometimes served.

The song’s lyrics refer to the Christian concept of the anticipation of restoration and reward, and reference the motifs found at Revelation 22:1-2 – a crystal clear river with water of life, issuing from the throne of heaven, all presented by an angel of God. One hot afternoon in July 1864, as Lowry was resting on his sofa, visions of heaven pervaded his senses. He saw the bright golden throne room and a multitude of saints gathered around the beautiful, cool, crystal, river of life. He was filled with a sense of great joy. He began to wonder why there seemed to be many hymns that referenced the river of death, but very few that mentioned the river of life. As he mused, the words and music to “Shall We Gather at the River” came to his heart and mind.

Moment of Zen: Cats

Migraine

Yesterday, I woke up with a migraine and it continued throughout the day and night. I even left work early yesterday, which I rarely do. I hope I have a better day today.

A Lot on My Mind

One of those things is: I still haven't heard from Chicago about my travel arrangements. It seems to be taking them longer than I had anticipated. I realize the head of HR has more to do than worry about my travel plans but when it's a new job on the line, I'm awfully anxious.

No Moore

I'm embarrassed. I can't believe that there are still people in this country who believe Roy Moore is innocent. There is too much evidence to the contrary. The man is guilty. He's the lowest form of human. He's a pedophile. If it hadn't happened so long ago, he should be going to jail. Instead, he has a base of religious nut jobs and Republican idiots who will still vote for him. Instead of jail, he'll go to the Senate. And do you know why? It's because of two things. One, he's pro-life, and his opponent Doug Jones is pro-choice. Two, the African-American population of Alabama is behind his opponent. We are talking about a part of the country where "Democrat" is code word for an African-American. The white people of Alabama would rather vote for a pedophile than to support someone who has an African-American base. It's a truly sad state of affairs. Religious nut jobs, anti-Democrats, and racism will rule the day in Alabama. The people of Alabama have no illusion that Roy Moore is innocent, but they will still vote for him because he's a Republican. I'm embarrassed that my former state is such an abomination. I hope I never have to live there again. It's a cesspool of Republicans. Let them look like fools and drown in their own muck. If Roy Moore is elected, and I think he will be, I hope the Republican leadership in the Senate refuses to let him on major committees, refuses to give him time on the floor, and refuses him the time of day. They will only be embarrassed if they don't refuse him. Roy Moore will do more to elect Democrats into Congress than the idiot in the White House.

Since brass, nor stone, nor earth, nor boundless sea (Sonnet 65)

Since brass, nor stone, nor earth, nor boundless sea (Sonnet 65)
by William Shakespeare

Since brass, nor stone, nor earth, nor boundless sea
But sad mortality o’er-sways their power,
How with this rage shall beauty hold a plea,
Whose action is no stronger than a flower?
O, how shall summer’s honey breath hold out
Against the wreckful siege of battering days,
When rocks impregnable are not so stout,
Nor gates of steel so strong, but time decays?
O fearful meditation! where, alack,
Shall time’s best jewel from time’s chest lie hid?
Or what strong hand can hold his swift foot back?
Or who his spoil of beauty can forbid?
O, none, unless this miracle have might,
That in black ink my love may still shine bright.

Today

I was already in bed preparing to go to sleep when I realized I had not written a post for today. Currently, there isn't much to say. I bought a new suit for my trip to Chicago, and I should learn today when I will be going  there. At least, I hope I'll find out today. The HR woman said early this week, but she's usually quick with things so I suspect it will be today.

Pascal’s Wager

Pascal's Wager is an argument in philosophy devised by the seventeenth-century French philosopher, mathematician and physicist Blaise Pascal (1623–62). It posits that humans bet with their lives that God either exists or does not.

Pascal argues that a rational person should live as though God exists and seek to believe in God. If God does not actually exist, such a person will have only a finite loss (some pleasures, luxury, etc.), whereas they stand to receive infinite gains (as represented by eternity in Heaven) and avoid infinite losses (eternity in Hell).

Pascal's Wager was based on the idea of the Christian God, though similar arguments have occurred in other religious traditions. The original wager was set out in section 233 of Pascal's posthumously published Pensées ("Thoughts"). These previously unpublished notes were assembled to form an incomplete treatise on Christian apologetics.

Historically, Pascal's Wager was groundbreaking because it charted new territory in probability theory, marked the first formal use of decision theory, and anticipated future philosophies such as existentialism, pragmatism and voluntarism.

Source: Wikipedia 

Moment of Zen: Shower

Interview Review

The interview went great, though it got off to a rocky start. It was supposed to be on Skype but they never called. I waited and waited, but no call came. So, I sent an email asking what was wrong. According to HR, the chief librarian did try to call but I was never there. I assured her that I was there the whole time. We never did figure out the problem, but we decided to do the interview over the phone.

Once the interview started, it went very well. She was a very nice lady, and I answered her questions truthfully. She seemed quite impressed. She asked me some standard interview questions, and then asked me a few historical questions. Then it was my turn to ask questions. One of the questions I asked was "Is there anything in my qualifications you would like me to clarify?" Her answer kind of floored me. She said, "No, I think you are highly qualified." I couldn't believe it. I only had a few more questions and then the interview was over. She also told me that the next step would be to bring the top candidate to Chicago to meet with the CEO and the rest of the staff. When this would happen she did not know.

Thirty minutes later, I received an email from HR asking when I can come to Chicago. They needed some dates and then she would take care of it on their end. So it looks I am the top candidate and I'll be going to Chicago in the next few weeks. The trip will have to be scheduled around Thanksgiving, so we shall see when. It may be December before I am able to fly out there. 

The Interview

Today is the day. My big interview with Chicago. It will be done over Skype, which makes me nervous. Does anyone actually look good over Skype? I hope I at least look presentable. I will be wearing a light blue oxford shirt, with a navy and light blue striped tie, and a navy blue coat. I will also be wearing gray pants but no one will see them.

I am so very nervous. I know the job description backwards and forwards. I have a list of questions to ask them. I’m as prepared as I can be. I just pray that everything goes smoothly. I believe this job would be a major advancement for my career. I want the added responsibility. Most days in my job, I have nothing to do, but with this job, I’d be a lot busier. I like being busy. It makes the day go by faster. 

Plus with this job, I’d be living in a major city. No more Hicksville, Vermont. I think I’d have really liked New England if I’d been in a major area, but I grew up in rural Alabama and wanted to escape. I ended up escaping to rural Vermont. There are charms to Vermont, but I’ve found more aggravation here than satisfaction.

It’s quite possible I might not get this job, but I’m going to do my best. At this point all I can hope to do is to do my best.

How Much She’s Grown

From a feisty little kitten who liked to hide, to a grown cat who loves everybody, Isabella has come a long way. She loves to take my place on the couch, and she gets jealous when I sit in “her” chair. She loves to bite my toes when I’m on the phone; I guess she wants all attention on her. She also loves to lay on top of me whether I’m in the bed or on the couch. She knows where her toys are hidden and when that drawer opens she’s always right there to try and fish them out. If I can’t find her, I know that all I have to do is add food to her bowl or shake her favorite toy. Thankfully her true favorite toy, an ugly little bird with feathers that chirped, had the battery finally die. She used to shake it in the middle of the night and wake me up. She also likes to play fetch. If I throw one or her mice, she fetches it and brings it back for me to throw again.

Most of all though, she is a wonderful companion. Nearly two years ago, I lost one of my best friends and spiraled into a deep depression. While medicine and friends have helped, she is my constant companion. She waits for me at the door everyday when I come home, and she gets terribly upset if I don’t tell her goodbye in the morning. I am thankful to have a cat as loving as Isabella.

October-November

October-November
by Hart Crane

Indian-summer-sun
With crimson feathers whips away the mists,--
Dives through the filter of trellises
And gilds the silver on the blotched arbor-seats.

Now gold and purple scintillate
On trees that seem dancing
In delirium;
Then the moon
In a mad orange flare
Floods the grape-hung night.

Que Sera, Sera

Instead you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that." - James 4:15

"If the Lord wills." There are times when we really want something in our lives, but we wonder if it is the right move, if we even get what we want. In those circumstances, we must pray. We must pray that God’s will be done. We have to have faith. Faith in that whatever happens, happens because God wills it.

God has a plan for every one of us. Many people go through life without ever thinking about it, but that doesn’t change the fact that God put us here for a purpose. We aren’t here by accident; we’re here because God put us here. And He put us here for a reason--so we could come to know Him in a personal way, and then live the way He wants us to live.

That’s why you can pray and seek God’s will when you face decisions, and it is why you can know God is with you every moment of the day. The Bible says, "Teach me your way, O Lord; lead me in a straight path" (Psalm 27:11).

Moment of Zen: Sleep

I got an email yesterday from the people in Chicago. They want me to interview again on Thursday. Since I was supposed to hear back from them no earlier than Monday or Tuesday, this has to be good news. They decided before finishing preliminary interviews that they wanted to interview me again. The Thursday interview will be over Skype, so I hope all goes well. I’m very excited but also nervous. This job would mean better pay, great benefits, and a nice apartment.

TGIF

It’s Friday again. We have to get through this day for the weekend. I’m looking forward to Saturday; there are some good football games on that I want to see.

By the way, has anyone been watching The Orville? I’ve found the show to be quite enjoyable. It’s funny and can be a bit silly on occasion but it doesn’t over do it. They’ve also dealt with some interesting subjects from social media to same sex marriage. While it can be serious, it’s also often funny. It’s a good mix like the old Star Trek movies used to be. I’m glad The Orville has been picked up for a second season.

Interviews II

Well, my second interview didn’t go as well as my first. The more I found out about the job, the less appealing it sounded. It also seemed to be more about the archival aspect of an oral history position than about the interviewing part. I also didn’t seem to gel with the woman over the phone like I did for the job in Chicago. The Florida job just didn’t seem to suit me. I may hear back from them, but I’m not holding my breath.

Today, I will be teaching a class on oral history. This should be fun, and it will be nice to be back in the classroom.

Interviews

I had what seemed to be a successful interview yesterday with the HR director in Chicago. There would be a lot of perks to this job. I just hope that the job isn’t more than I can handle. It would be a great opportunity though, and a challenge I would relish. I will know Monday or Tuesday whether I made it to the second round of interviews, which from how the HR director was talking, I have a good chance at a second interview. The second interview would take place probably sometime next week over Skype.

I have another interview this afternoon for the job in Florida. The job in Florida would have to pay a significant amount for me to take it, but it’s worth pursuing and it’s good interviewing practice.