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Wednesday, June 24, 2020

For Your Boy

"For Your Boy" by Arthur William Brown
For the past month, I’ve been taking an online professional development course designed to teach museum educators, like myself, how to develop and write formal lesson plans for K-12 teachers. It’s been a pretty interesting class; our end project is to write a lesson plan for our museum. I chose to write about our vast collection of World War I propaganda posters. Most lesson plans are no more than 5-10 pages; mine currently is 36, and I still need to add in the curriculum standards for Vermont. While I did get a bit carried away, my teacher said the lesson plan did not contain anything that wasn’t needed. In fact, what takes up the most pages are the posters themselves as well as background information on the artists and posters. I also compiled a list of early propaganda techniques. Tweets and accusations of “fake news” may be everyday politics for Trump, but in April 1917, the U.S. government had to create an entire committee to influence media and shape popular opinion; and for the most part, they used propaganda for the good of the country.

When I look at the various propaganda techniques, I see correlations to the tactics of the current administration. The only difference is propaganda is usually based on at least some shred of evidence or a grain of truth. What that man in the White House says and disseminates has no grain of truth; it’s just lies. He doesn’t even attempt half-truths, and when he does tell the “truth” such as in his Tulsa speech when he said he ordered a slowdown in COVID-19 testing because it was revealing too many positive cases, the truth is worse than fiction.

For this assignment, I’ve been doing a lot of research on types of propaganda, and it’s easier to come up with ways Trump uses it than ways it was used in WWI. To give you some examples: Name Calling (Sleepy Joe), Transfer (I'm a very stable genius), Plain Folks (calling Neo- Nazi’s “very fine people”), Weak Inference (referring to Putin’s claim of not interfering in the 2016 election, “I believe he believes it”), Stereotyping (Kung-Flu), Guilt-by-Association (Liberal Media=Fake News), Bandwagon (“I’m a winner. I beat people. I’m ahead in the polls and there’s no end in sight.”), Faulty Analogy (“All Republicans must remember what they are witnessing here—a lynching. But we will WIN!”), Glittering Generalities (Make America Great Again), Virtue-by-Association (Trump’s claiming he’s a Christian), Patriotic Symbols (How he abhors protestors who kneel for the National Anthem), Testimonials (Trump’s new slogan “Transition to Greatness”), Distortion of Data (Do I even have to give examples of his more than 19,000 lies?), Emotional Appeal (the way he demonizes immigrants, protestors, Democrats, etc.). The list goes on and on and on ad nauseam.

It’s difficult to understand why people blindly follow Trump. It can’t be only about being pro-life. Which brings me to the main point of my post: I’ve been a bit down since Sunday night. I got into an argument with my mother about her support of Trump. She made me so upset, I ended the call by telling her, “Bye,” and hanging up the phone. I just could not take any more of her parroting Fox News drivel. I told her she had disappointed me by supporting a bully like a Trump, that I’d dealt with bullies all my life—which she knows—and I didn’t want one in the White House. I don’t want an amoral person as president who goes against everything I was raised to believe in. I was literally shaking when I got off the phone. What upsets me the most: she didn’t seem to care that I was upset.

I read an article in The Washington Post the other day that talked about how many public health officials were being harassed and threatened. People were publishing their emails, home addresses, and phone numbers so others could harass them from around the country. I thought of my mother who spent 25 years as a nurse at the county health department. If she were still working, she’d be one of the people enforcing rules to mitigate the spread of the virus. I wonder if my family—my mother specifically—could have faced the hatred and retribution of Trump supporters who care more about money and their “freedom” than they care about the safety of others. I wonder if she were still at the health department would she have felt differently about an administration that has downplayed the deadliness of this disease and politicized a public health crisis for their own political gain. 

Mama was always a particularly good and caring nurse; I don’t understand what has happened to her. She wasn’t like this when I was growing up or at least, I never saw it so blatantly. I can’t help but take some of the blame for her change of heart. Since she found out I am gay, she has become more of a fundamental evangelical Christian and a diehard Republican who sees no good in anyone who doesn’t think like Fox News tells them to think. She has closed her mind to so much of the world, and I wonder if this is all because she has a gay son. She has never been able to accept my sexuality. As she becomes more and more in line with conservative Republican ideology, the less I want to talk to her. I am getting to the point where I no longer care what she thinks of me. I have held off finding someone to spend my life with because I knew she’d never accept him. Now, I fear I’ve wasted my life hoping for my mother’s love and acceptance when that hope can never be fully realized.

I do love my mother, and in some strange, twisted, and warp-minded way, I know she holds some love for me. But I don’t know if I can continue to live my life this way. I live 1,100 miles away from my parents. Perhaps it is time to become who I really am, and to quit holding back because of the fear of what my parents and family might think of me.

Vote for Joe

13 comments:

  1. Joe, I’m sorry for what you are going through. I know the pressure of trying to live your life to please others. I married a woman late in life having never had a serious relationship because I felt that was what was expected of me.

    I never really explored my attraction to men until after I was married. That was a mistake as was marrying in my first serious relationship. We can’t live our lives based on other’s expectations. I wish I knew that 20 years ago. Still married but not really happy. It’s more like an obligation.

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  2. A beautiful, heart-felt post, Joe. Thank you for sharing. I hope your future is everything you want it to be. <3

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  3. I'm so sorry to learn about your relationship with your parents and in particular, your mother. It does, indeed, sound like it's time to be your own self. Stay strong. And healthy

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  4. Joe,

    There is a lot of pain in those paragraphs. I'm sorry for your angst. Please don't let Trump trash your family.
    On a timeline, your coming out may coexist with your mom's plunge over the evangelical and republican dark side.
    But are you certain there is causality there? You have such love and respect for your mom's commitment to nursing.
    Call me Pollyana but choose to hold the love and let go of disagreement. Don't talk about Trump and the Death Star (Fox).
    Keep mom and ban big orange!!!

    Alexander

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  5. HuntleyBiGuy, you're story is one that I have heard a lot, and I don't say that in any way to diminish your situation. It's just a fact of our existence and our history. My first boyfriend had been married before his wife found out he's bisexual and divorced him. The sad reality is that so many gay men feel the need to get married because there is not widespread acceptance of the LGBTQ+ community. I hope you are able to find happiness.

    I used to want to be married and live a "normal" life, but I realized that it would not only make me unhappy, but any woman I married unhappy as well.I guess we all can use the advice of Kenneth Felts who recently came out at the age of 90:

    “It’s never, ever too late to be yourself. Don’t underestimate your friends and family. You might be surprised at how they react if you were to decide to come out. Enjoy what you’ve got while you’ve got it, because you’ve only got it once.”

    I guess it's not too late, but I know full well how most of my family would react to me coming out publicly. To read more about Mr. Felts, see the Bob's post on his blog I Should Be Laughing: http://ishouldbelaughing.blogspot.com/2020/06/its-never-too-late-to-take-that-step.html.

    Susan and Anonymous, thank you for your kind words and encouragement.

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  6. Thanks, Alexander. I think that is sage advice.

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  7. A long read... But a good one. 👍🏻 Enjoyed readin' it, Joe. Also, the comments. People opened up as well, which is awesome. I wish the best to every single one of ya! 💛💚💛💚💛💚

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  8. Thanks for sharing Joe.

    I could go on and on topping you of who has the less than the ideal parent (s).

    In your closing comments, I believe you have answered your own question/dilemma.

    I am 63 and god knows I wish I could turn back time more than Cher. I too have come to the realization that my family was never there for me. It was a facade. When the pedal came to the metal they were not there. It is time to close out that chapter and move on. But guess what, I am 63 with no job and retirement is slapping me in the face.

    I have never been one constrained by what is expected of me. You must love your parents. You must support them. You must accept their bullshit and love them in spite of it. fuck that!!!

    I treated my parents as people. Just because you raised me does not give you a pass.

    It goes back to Janet's songline "What have you done for me lately?"

    I love your lesson plan. I have always loved history. The current administration is using the same old tired lesson plan. Just updating it.

    Vote Blue!!

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  9. Joe, you know what deep affection I have for you so that the anguish in your post wrings my heart. It is easy to give advice but I don't have to live with the consequences of what I might suggest - so I won't. But all and any support I can give I will do willingly. Roderick

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  10. Joe,
    Thanks for sharing this thoughtful post. I'm one of your readers who feel the same frustration at the propaganda pushed by our current administration and their favorite network. My mother, a person of deep faith who recently passed away, was also a Trump loyalist guided by that network and her so-called Christian tv programs. I was constantly appalled when visiting her home that she watched such drivel and that she gave up her money (and her brain) in support. It was painful to hear her spouting those viewpoints, and I had to make a decision to visit less often and do everything possible to avoid politics when I was there. So I understand how it can bring family divisions.

    I will do all I can to insure there's a new administration in place soon. May you find peace in how to handle your own situation.

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  11. Hi Joe... thanks for that wonderful post today. I was sorry to hear about the argument you had with your mom and I can appreciate what utter turmoil it must present. I was fortunate to have a mother who accepted me for who I was when I came out to her. She even went as far as to accompany me to gay bars so she could "find me a boyfriend". She has since passed. My father died when I was 17 and I found out when I was in my 40's that he told my mom he knew I was gay at an early age. He said this on his death bed. He told my Mom that he wished that I should have died instead of my twin, (crib death), because my twin Frankie was the "straight"one. I never got the chance to confront him and I don't ever talk about it at all. I have a very large family 8 brothers and sisters and everyone accepts me except for my one middle brother and his wife. He is an Ex marine and so very far up trumps ass he can't hardly see daylight. We had a huge blowout similar to you are your Mom's and I haven't spoken to him or his wife since trump got elected. I refuse to let him and his wife intimidate me into thinking that his "chosen GOD" is the planet's savior. I have been in a loving relationship for over 30 years and we do our thing and we let the rest of the family do theirs. We avoid talking religion and politics and so far everyone is ok with it. I would recommend that you do make the effort to come out to others in the family when you feel safe to do so, it has really helped me keep my sanity and peace with the rest of them whether or not they approve. Mine and my partners happiness is the more important than what anyone thinks. My grand mom once said that "If you live your life hoping that everyone around you will accept you for who you are, you will always be disappointed".
    Good luck with your studies and stay positive. Len

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  12. Wasn't "for the good of the country" really just "taking part in an imperialist dick-measuring contest that had nothing to do with us"? (Hey, sorta like how Bush ibn Bush couldn't bomb his Saudi buddies. And who drafted a law that severely curtailed free speech?)

    Your mother's a Republican? So's Biden's voting record. Actually more so than Trump's positions. (He literally first ran against integration. In 1972. He drafted the Patriot Act. And I'm sure some centrist will convince me his history of sexual harassment, supporting a sexual harasser and a Republican to boot to the Supreme Court, a rape charge and his supporters have gone into full on gaslighting mode, was just a strategic move. Like that time I was 7 and folded on three nines was a strategic move and not just because I had never heard the word "check" before.)

    Also, I just assume most Southerners vote a certain way to hurt certain people more. It was gut-wrenching, watching the Clintons just piss resources away in the South, yet somehow satisfying after the degree of harassment they sent to anyone left of the Huns. Watching them piss away more money on Georgia's sixth congressional district, which was in their words, "very white, very affluent, suburban" in the South, all of which screams Republican and all of which I am not, all while losing four winnable special elections, told me they don't want my vote. They want the rich white guy with a couple eye holes in his sheet vote. So, my vote they shan't have.

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  13. I just found your blog tonite Joe. wow that story hurt my heart. I am bisexual and for a long time I felt like I had to hide. When I was 25 I realized I had to be true to me. So I told my mom and it was never a big deal to her. I honestly didn't have any backlash from anyone sharing with them whom I was.

    It hurts to hear who you are as a person wasn't validated by someone whom you love so dearly. Unfortunately in our society people care about politics more than they do people (I'm black) so I feel this more than you'll ever know. I have learned over time, that the love we are hurt we aren't getting from specific people, is the love we refuse to give to ourselves. I hope you stop holding back from you boo.

    To HuntleyBiGuy I understand your struggle. I challenge you to live your truth and to not be afraid. Also people leave if you are going to cheat on your wife. That is not fair to her and you are putting her at risk.

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