My mother called last night. For a variety of reasons, it depresses me to talk to her these days. One of the things she said to me was, “I should have had three children, then maybe I’d have had a normal one.” WTF! She always has something hurtful to say like that. She always has to get a dig in, though she acts like she’s joking, but she never actually says it in a joking tone.
Then, she started in on “that idiot Biden.” I told her I’d voted for Biden because he was a good Christian who went to church every Sunday, while she voted for Trump who never attends church. The problem is that Biden attending church regularly means nothing to her because she doesn’t believe Catholics are real Christians. She’s not the only ignorant Protestant that believes that. She also sees Biden as godless because he’s a Democrat, so she can’t allow herself to believe he’s a Christian and deludes herself that Trump is a good Christian even though I have no idea how that delusion exists.
I reminded her that she’ll vote for anyone and everyone with a (R) behind their name even if they are a rapist or someone who tried to overthrow the government (Trump) or a child molester (Roy Moore) or any number of complete idiots (ex. Tommy Tuberville). Her response was, “Yes, I will. Do you go to church every Sunday?” I said I don’t because I can’t find a church up here that I like, but I study my Bible every Sunday. I would love to tell her that I have people from all over the world of many faiths who read my devotionals every Sunday and often write to me to tell me what an inspiration they find my writing. She would just get mad and not understand. She can barely use the internet, so it would do no good.
She just pisses me off so much! And, she wonders why I don’t call her. I will probably go home at Christmas, but it’s more to see friends of mine than to see my family. I know I’ll be depressed and made to feel like crap while I’m home. The only enjoyment I get from being with my parents these days is doing all of the cooking while I’m home. I can immerse myself into that and disregard the rest, at least for a little while. I don’t think she understands just how much my mental health and physical health (except for the headaches) have improved over the past couple of years that I haven’t been home because of the pandemic.
Your mother is toxic. My mother was too. Life got so much better after I realized i didn’t have to put up with her hurtful comments. They were hateful. The things your mother says to you are not normal. That is not a reflection of a mother’s love. My mother died six months ago. I’ve shed not one tear. My life is very happy now, but she did not contribute to that happiness.
ReplyDeleteHappyman, what bothers me the most is that my mother and I used to be like best friends. We joked. We laughed. We had a great time together. I admired her so much. Then, she found out I was gay. While I can still count a few times when it's like old times, mostly it's not. I struggle with letting go, because I hold out hope that she will changes but as the years go by, she has grown harder and more obstinate in her beliefs. I am not making an excuse for my mother, but I know that her mother (for different reasons) treated her in a similar fashion. My granny was just as mean and hurtful to my mother as my mother is to me, but she had no right to be. My mother is the person who always took care of granny when others wouldn't.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you are put through the insults and ignorance from your mother. She like many white "Christians " have been brainwashed by Faux News and those anti-Christ Republicans who have no desire to follow Jesus's teachings. You owe those in your family who reject you NOTHING. Next time your mom or anyone else attacks you in any way, hang up or whatever you must do. Focus on those who love you as you are.
ReplyDeleteI've said this in the past, and I'll likely say it in the future that I'm so very sorry to read about your relationship with your mother and how she speaks to you. As I've aged, the dynamic / relationship between my parents has certainly changed but it has also grown stronger. Both my mother and father are a great source of strength for me.
ReplyDeleteI won't provide any cereal box psychology on how you should or should not deal with your mother, but I hope you can find peace and love from those around you.
It is a shame your mother is the way she is. I agree that when she calls and is negative you really need to just "release and relax". Don't let the toxicity affect you. I, for one, think you're a great Christian and thoroughly enjoy your Sunday reflections. I'm an Irish Catholic Democrat and voted for and love Joe Biden. What a relief from Trump. Let's hope the faux news fails and the Democrats stay in control of both houses. You mentioned your grandmother helped make your mother who she is. Thank God your mother hasn't infected you the same. Keep moving in the direction you are.
ReplyDeleteIdem BosGuy , I hope you can find peace and love from those around you.
ReplyDeleteI wish that I could say I was shocked by your Mother's comment to you but since I have been reading your blog for awhile that comment was just par for the course for her. I guess as a southern woman your mother has forgotten the old saying "if you have nothing nice to say to someone than shut the fuck up."
ReplyDeleteJon From UGA
The more things change, the more they stay the same. This conversation would be apropos scribbled in ancient runes on the walls of a cave. Your problem, Darling, is the cave. The Kave is your Kristianity. Don't y'all just LOVE the South?!?
ReplyDelete