Pic of the Day

Understanding

“The painful part of being a queer kid is not in the knowing you're queer, it's in the not knowing. You know you're different but you don't know why. The other kids know you're different too, in fact, they never let you forget it. But no one gives you a language for it. No one gives you a mirror. And so you just sit there, quietly, being different. Not fitting. Trying to be invisible. And so you are, truly, alone.”

I recently saw the above quote, and sadly, I don’t know who said it. However, if you grew up LGBTQ+, and I know most of you did, you can probably identify with this. I didn’t understand how I was different when I was young, I just knew that everyone said so. I also knew I was attracted to guys, but I “knew” I wasn’t supposed to be and kept telling myself that I just admired how they looked or acted and wished I was the same way. I had no words for it because either no one spoke about gay people or it was such an awful thing that it never occurred to me that I was that way too. 

Growing up, there was never even the slightest question as to whether I would go to college. No one could imagine I wouldn’t. The same was true about being gay. It was never something that I contemplated I could be. Kids used to call me gay, a fag, a queer, or a sissy, but I never thought any of those words pertained to me. They were just insults and hurtful. They made fun of the way I talked, walked, or moved my hands. Other kids made all of this sound so awful. I knew I was different, but I didn’t have the words to express how I was different. I think I knew that I didn’t want to be gay, a faggot, a queer, or a sissy. I also didn’t know how to change the way sound of my voice, how I walked, or my hand gestures. I tried, but to deepen my voice, it hurt my throat. Trying to walk more “manly” or not be expressive with my hands were done so unconsciously that it was a struggle to concentrate on not moving the way I moved.

Knowing I was different resulted in a few things that shaped my life. It made me incredibly shy and quiet, two things I’ve somewhat grown out of, though I can still be shy and quiet with people I don’t know. Being different and bullied caused a lifelong struggle with depression. It also encouraged me to hide in the world of books and to bury myself into studying. I read constantly, and I always made sure I got the best grades. Being smart though was a blessing and a curse. It was praised by some, but others just used it as another way to prove I was different. However, being smart was going to be my ticket out of my small hometown. They could make fun of me for being smart, but I never felt ashamed of that.

I didn’t begin to understand how I was different until college. I was able to do research on the internet. I could read books in private that helped me understand. I think one of the turning points was when I took an “Intro to Psychology” class. I can’t say I learned a lot from that class, but the professor allowed us to submit anonymous questions that he’d take time at the end of class to answer. Someone, and it was not me, asked, “How do you know if you’re gay?” The professor said that the subconscious mind can tell us a lot about ourselves, so think about what you dream. He said to ask ourselves what we dreamed at night. When we dreamed about a romantic partner or sex, was it about someone of the opposite or same sex? It made me think and to realize that I had never once in my memory dreamed of being with a girl. It was always a guy.

Many southern states are enacting “Don’t Say Gay” laws which prohibit teachers in elementary (and sometimes secondary) schools to discuss anything LGBTQ+. They are also banning books in libraries that discuss diversity. They are removing any of the resources kids need to understand why they are different and so alone. LGBTQ+ kids are more likely than straight kids to take their own life. If they could have a teacher they could talk to, adults who discussed with kids the diversity of sexuality, or the library had books a kid could read to help them understand, then maybe they’d realize they weren’t alone. If they saw that “Gay Is Ok,” then maybe they wouldn’t be so distraught and take their own life once they figured out why they are so different. I’d say that I don’t understand why homophobic politicians can’t see that they are killing kids by censoring what they can learn, but they wouldn’t care. These politicians tell themselves that if they keep kids ignorant of who they are, they can prevent them from being different. It doesn’t work that way. Instead, it harms these kids because they don’t understand or have the words to understand their feelings. I wish they would understand that this causes kids to harm themselves, but I also realize that these same politicians don’t care. If LGBTQ+ kids take their own life, then it’s one less person who doesn’t conform to their narrow minded beliefs.

Education, empathy, and understanding are some of the most important needs of young people. Those who are different and are forced to hide their true selves need to know that there is nothing wrong with them. 

Pic of the Day

Steps

Steps

By Hermann Hesse

 

As every blossom fades

and all youth sinks into old age,

so every life’s design, each flower of wisdom,

attains its prime and cannot last forever.

The heart must submit itself courageously

to life’s call without a hint of grief,

A magic dwells in each beginning,

protecting us, telling us how to live.

 

High purposed we shall traverse realm on realm,

cleaving to none as to a home,

the world of spirit wishes not to fetter us

but raise us higher, step by step.

Scarce in some safe accustomed sphere of life

have we establish a house, then we grow lax;

only he who is ready to journey forth

can throw old habits off.

 

Maybe death’s hour too will send us out new-born

towards undreamed-lands,

maybe life’s call to us will never find an end

Courage my heart, take leave and fare thee well.

 

Stufen

By Hermann Hesse

 

Wie jede Blüte welkt und jede Jugend

Dem Alter weicht, blüht jede Lebensstufe,

Blüht jede Weisheit auch und jede Tugend

Zu ihrer Zeit und darf nicht ewig dauern.

Es muß das Herz bei jedem Lebensrufe

Bereit zum Abschied sein und Neubeginne,

Um sich in Tapferkeit und ohne Trauern

In andre, neue Bindungen zu geben.

Und jedem Anfang wohnt ein Zauber inne,

Der uns beschützt und der uns hilft, zu leben.

 

Wir sollen heiter Raum um Raum durchschreiten

An keinem wie an einer Heimat hängen,

Der Weltgeist will nicht fesseln uns und engen,

Er will uns Stuf’ um Stufe heben, weiten.

Kaum sind wir heimisch einem Lebenskreise

Und traulich eingewohnt, so droht Erschlaffen,

Nur wer bereit zu Aufbruch ist und Reise,

Mag lähmender Gewöhnung sich entraffen.

 

Es wird vielleicht auch noch die Todesstunde

Uns neuen Räumen jung entgegen senden

Des Lebens Ruf an uns wird niemals enden…

Wohlan denn, Herz, nimm Abschied und gesunde!

 

 

About the Poem

 

Hermann Hesse wrote “Stufen” in 1941. You may be familiar with Hesse’s novels Siddhartha or Steppenwolf, which revolve around the inner transformations of their characters, a theme that is also found in Hesse’s shorter works. “Stufen”, or “Steps” (also translated as “Stages”), reads like the themes in his novels edited down to a single poem. But like most poetry, it’s not written in simple and direct language. You’ll probably find new meaning in lines each time you read the poem and understand them differently each time. There are numerous translations of the poem, and this one was translated line by line. Often translations of poems either try to simply translate the words, others try to keep it in the original poetic form, and others try more to capture the theme of the poem than translate word for work. I don’t often use translated poems, because native speakers of the language often find fault with the translation.

 

 

About the Poet

 

Hermann Hesse (born July 2, 1877, Calw, Germany—died August 9, 1962, Montagnola, Switzerland) was a German-Swiss poet, novelist, and painter. His best-known works include Demian, Steppenwolf, Siddhartha, and The Glass Bead Game, each of which explores an individual's search for authenticity, self-knowledge, and spirituality. His characters attempt to break out of the established modes of civilization so as to find an essential spirit and identity.

 

He received the Nobel Prize in Literature in 1946.

Pic of the Day

The Week Ahead

The week ahead should be a less stressful than last week. Thankfully, I have nothing unusual on my schedule this week. There are the usual weekly work meetings on my calendar, but no meetings that should cause any stress. As far as I know, there are no major tasks to be tackled because I finished up a major project last week. I’m looking forward to Friday, not just because I’m taking a vacation day, but also because a friend and I have Friday night plans. We are going to see Bob the Drag Queen in Burlington, and we have reservations at a restaurant we’ve both been wanting to try. 

I’m hoping this will be a good week, and I hope all of you have a great week!

Pics of the Day

Seven Virtues

And now abide faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.

—1 Corinthians 13:13

Alabama, especially its Supreme Court, has been trying to impose their twisted version of Christianity on its citizens. Their version of Christianity involves hatred and control as do far too many Christian churches today. Alabama Supreme Court Chief Justice Tom Parker recently appeared on a QAnon podcast to promote so-called Seven Mountains dominionism, which calls for Christians to control every aspect of government, education, media, religion, family, business, and entertainment. I believe if Jesus was to return and see these so called Seven Mountains, he would be appalled. I think the “Seven Mountains” Jesus would have taught are seven virtues that would bring about a better world than Christian control of every aspect of our lives. Jesus would and did teach what Christian theology refers to as the seven heavenly virtues combine the four cardinal virtues of prudence, justice, temperance, and fortitude with the three theological virtues of faith, hope, and charity. Let’s take a look at these seven virtues.

 

Prudence

 

Prudence is the ability to govern and discipline oneself by the use of reason. Prudence was considered by the ancient Greeks and later by Christian philosophers, most notably Thomas Aquinas, as the cause, measure, and form of all virtues. It is considered to be the auriga virtutum or the charioteer of the virtues. It is mentioned in the fifth of the Principal Doctrines of Epicurus, and in his Letter to Menoeceus, where he says: "Prudence is the foundation of all these things and is the greatest good. Thus, it is more valuable than philosophy and is the source of every other excellence." Most examples of prudence in the Bible are in the Book of Proverbs. Proverbs 10:19 says, “Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues.” When we are tempted to speak many words and give a lot of opinions without talking immediately, we are not prudent. Prudence is being slow to speak and process through before sharing. I can think of a particular bombastic politician who has never practiced this type of prudence. Actually, I can think of several. Proverbs 12:16 says, “Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult.” Proverbs 14:15 says, “The simple believe anything, but the prudent give thought to their steps.” In this proverb, prudence means that we do not believe everything that we hear. We are wise and test every spirit and every word.

 

Justice

 

Biblical justice is rooted in the very character of God and is characterized by generosity, equality, advocacy, responsibility. Amos 5:24 says, “But let justice run down like water, and righteousness like a mighty stream.” In his speech on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, Martin Luther King Jr. used this verse to suggest through that unless America makes justice and righteousness a reality it will be destroyed. The former and disgraced president Donald Trump has asked the US Supreme Court to grant him immunity from the crimes he’s committed. If the Court turns its back on justice, the United States will be doomed. Isaiah 1:17 says, “Learn to do good; seek justice, rebuke the oppressor; defend the fatherless, plead for the widow.” Justice is most importantly about equality. If we are not all equal before the law, if we do not help the unfortunate, then there is no justice in this world.

Temperance

 

Temperance in its modern use is defined as moderation or voluntary self-restraint. It is typically described in terms of what a person voluntarily refrains from doing. This includes restraint from revenge by practicing mercy and forgiveness, restraint from arrogance by practicing humility and modesty, restraint from excesses such as extravagant luxury or splurging, restraint from overindulgence in food and drink, and restraint from rage or craving by practicing calmness and equanimity. Galatians 5:22-23 tells us, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, temperance. Against such there is no law.”

 

Fortitude (Courage)

 

The classical virtue of fortitude (andreia, fortitudo) is also translated as "courage", but includes the aspects of perseverance and patience. Fortitude and courage are distinguishable in that fortitude is the mental or emotional strength that enables courage in the face of adversity. Paul would elsewhere write that believers should “stand firm in the faith” (1 Corinthians 16:13) and “be strong in the Lord” so that we “may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm” (Ephesians 6:10, 13). Similarly, the writer of Hebrews encourages his readers to “hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful” (Hebrew 10:23). As believers, we are called to “stand firm,” “be strong,” and “hold fast” because of the hostility of this world, the temptations of the flesh, and the spiritual attacks of Satan. In other words, this requires fortitude.

 

Faith, Hope, and Charity

 

Faith, hope, and charity are familiar terms often spoken of together, and nearly always in the same order. Paul indicates that the order has significance, charity being the last and also the greatest of the three. In 1 Corinthians 13:13 Paul writes, “And now abide faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.” Some translations of the Bible replace “charity” with “love.” Faith is the total acceptance of an idea. It is fully integrated into the way we think, feel, and live. Getting faith is difficult for many, but once one has it, using it and living with it is easy. It becomes part of what one is, and one would have to make a conscious decision to deviate from it.

 

In the Bible, "hope" doesn't have the modern definition of wishing, but it has the sense of reasonable expectation. Hope is the acceptance of an idea accompanied by the realization that it might possibly be wrong. Having hope is easier than faith. It is often based on our own efforts and our confidence in others and the world around us.

 

Charity or love should be given freely. If we can help one another than it is our responsibility to do so. Love is the most difficult way to think, feel, and behave. It requires definite effort to maintain, especially knowing that most of what we do because of it will be useless. Love is "the greatest,” because it is the most difficult for us to practice, and because its very existence depends upon our already having hope and faith.

Pic of the Day

Moment of Zen: Books 📚

I love books, whether they are in a personal, public, or university library, in a bookstore, or just someone’s bookshelf. I love being surrounded by books. When I was in college, we had a Barnes & Noble in town, and I used to love spending an afternoon or evening just browsing the store. It was the place I bought my first gay book, Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin. B&N was also a major cruising site (in grad school it was the 4th floor of the library or the sauna in the men’s locker at the university’s gym). I have never picked anyone up in a popular cruising site, but the fantasy was always exciting.

John Waters has a very valid point!

Pic of the Day

TGIF!!!

This has been a long and stressful week. I was very anxious about the meetings I had scheduled for yesterday, but they all went very well. They were just long. Each meeting bled into the next until I realized it was almost 3 pm and I’d started the first meeting at 10:30 am. That made for a long day, but I came out of those meetings with more hope than I had beforehand.

So today, tomorrow, and Sunday, I plan to mostly be lazy on my couch and do some reading. I have some chores around my apartment that I need to do today, but I really don’t have any errands I have to do outside of my apartment. I’m looking forward to a weekend of rest and relaxation.

I hope all of you had a wonderful week and will have a fantastic weekend!

Pic of the Day

Ready for the Weekend

I’m not sure what to expect from today. I have meetings nearly all day long, and I only have the vaguest of ideas about what the agenda will be for these meetings. I don’t do well with the unknown, especially when it comes to my job. While I think there is nothing to worry about, one never knows. In at least three of these meetings, I will be meeting with the woman who will be my new boss. Regardless of how these meetings go, I will be glad when today is over. I have a vacation day tomorrow, and I am looking forward to a nice relaxing weekend, at least I hope it will be a relaxing weekend. I have no plans, nor do I have anything that I must do this weekend. I have a feeling, I might need three days to recover some today. I hope all will go well, but I just don’t know how smoothly things will go today. 🤞

Pic of the Day

Books, Books, Books

When I saw the picture above, I was reminded of a used bookstore that was in the small town where I live. Sadly, it could not survive the pandemic. I had hoped it would reopen, but the last time I drove by there, weeds had grown up all around the old Victorian house that was home to the bookstore. I don’t know what has happened to the books, but it was one of my favorite bookstores anywhere. The bookshelves were floor to ceiling and filled with books on nearly every subject and in the corners books that didn’t fit in the stacks were stacked next to the bookshelves. There were books everywhere. The organization was not the usual bookstore categories, but it was fun to wander around and look at what was there. The store also sold vintage posters and postcards. I even found a postcard of Montgomery, Alabama, which showed the downtown fountain made famous by Zelda Fitzgerald dancing in late one night when she was dating F. Scott Fitzgerald. You never knew what you’d find in the store. I always went away with too many books and having spent more money than I’d planned to spend. And as you left the store, there was another set of shelves holding books that were given away for free. It was an amazing store, and one I had looked forward to patronizing when I moved to my small town, but alas, like so many businesses, it could not survive the lockdown necessary during the pandemic. It was not able to adapt online, mainly because I’m not sure the owners even knew all the books they were selling.

Nonetheless , when it was open, it was so much fun and fascinating to wander through the store for unexpected finds. I loved the travel section the most. While I never finished my PhD dissertation, my interest in nineteenth century travel was still strong. This bookstore always had a wide selection of nineteenth century travel books and journals. A lot of people who went abroad would write about their experiences and have them published. It was a popular genre at the time when most people did not travel very far from home. Plus, I love old books. If you remember the picture of Isabella below, you’ll see some of those travel books on the shelf above her.

Pic of the Day

Nonno’s Poem in “The Night of the Iguana”

Nonno’s Poem

By Tennessee Williams 

 

How calmly does the orange branch

Observe the sky begin to blanch

Without a cry, without a prayer,

With no betrayal of despair,

 

Sometime while night obscures the tree

The zenith of its life will be

Gone past forever, and from thence

A second history will commence.

 

A chronicle no longer gold,

A bargaining with mist and mould,

And finally the broken stem

The plummeting to earth; and then

 

An intercourse not well designed

For beings of a golden kind

Whose native green must arch above

The earth’s obscene, corrupting love.

 

And still the ripe fruit and the branch

Observe the sky begin to blanch

Without a cry, without a prayer,

With no betrayal of despair.

 

O Courage, could you not as well

Select a second place to dwell,

Not only in that golden tree

But in the frightened heart of me?

 

Nearly 30 years ago while I was still in high school, I was attending a summer honors program at the University of Alabama. (It was a momentous summer in many ways, but those are stories for another time.) We took three college classes along with other summer students at Alabama, and every week, we had to attend several honors seminars. One of those seminars was about Tennessee Williams. 

 

The next week, we were taken by bus down to Montgomery to see Williams’s play “The Night of the Iguana” at the Alabama Shakespeare FestivaL. I’ve seen many plays and musicals at ASF, and while not all of the plays were great (I always found the plays that were part of their Southern Writers Series to be godawful), they were all very well produced. I was awed by “The Night of the Iguana” because they made it rain onstage. This might not sound that impressive to everyone, but I always thought it was one of the coolest things.

 

If you are not familiar with “The Night of the Iguana,” the play portrays the story of Reverend Shannon, a defrocked Episcopal clergyman gone astray, torn between his passions and his devotion, who leads a bus-load of middle-aged Baptist women on a religious-themed tour of the Mexican coast and comes to terms with past demons in re-evaluating his life.

 

Throughout the play, in a secondary story about a woman, Hannah, and her aging poet-grandfather, the grandfather attempts to finish a poem he feels will be his masterpiece. The poem comes at the end of the play when the grandfather recites his “last” poem while Hannah transcribes it for him. The grandfather dies a few moments later.

 

The poem represents Tennessee Williams’s poetic view of human nature and the human story. Williams wrote many flawed or tragic characters who might survive, adapt, or make significant change if they only had the courage and confidence that goes with that important quality. Tennessee Williams is not to everyone’s taste, but I have always greatly admired his writing. Of Mississippi literary figures, I consider Williams to be the greatest by far.