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The ER

Lucky me, I got to take a trip to the emergency room last night. I was making a cucumber salad, so I was slicing cucumbers when my finger slipped and I sliced my finger instead. Ugh! Blood went everywhere. I pressed a paper towel to it, and called my new neighbor to see if she had a bandage. (By the way, I work with my new neighbor and know her well. We grew up not far from each other in Alabama.) Anyway, thankfully she did have a bandage, but we couldn’t stop the bleeding. Off to the ER we went. They took me back very quickly and over the course of about an hour or so, they stuck my finger in lidocaine and epinephrine to dull the pain and stop the bleeding. The bleeding wouldn’t stop so the had to put a compression bandage on it. Finally, I got discharged with a bag full of bandages and sent home. All is ok, and it will heal on its own. At least the PA and med student who worked on me were cute.

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Isabella and the Move

Poor Isabella was a bit traumatized by the movers. She hid in the box spring of my bed and was scared nearly to death when they tried to move it. I finally got her and shut her up in the bathroom where she proceeded to hide behind the toilet. When they left and I let her out, she promptly hid in the inner parts of my old couch that I’m getting rid of. When I got ready to take her to the new apartment, it was not easy getting her out of the couch and trying to get her in the cat carrier. It just served to traumatize her more. I finally got her in the cat carrier, which she did not like at all. When I let her out in the new apartment, she immediately hid. I tried to coax her out, but she just found a new place to hide. I finally picked her up and petted her head, and I knew then she was upset because she didn’t even fight me. She hates to be held. So I just let her alone to settle into her new home. After several hours, she finally came out and began very apprehensively to explore her new surroundings. By the time I went to bed, she had settled into her usual self and begging for head scratches. She ended up sleeping at the foot of the bed. I thought she’d finally settled in, but when I came home from work yesterday, she was once again hiding. However, as soon as I started cooking dinner, she came out and was out and about for the remainder of the night. I’m guessing it will take her a little while to get used to her new home. She’s found a favorite perch though;

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Mostly Moved

I could relax a bit last night. All my furniture and books have been moved. I’ve still got some stuff to get from the old apartment, and the old apartment will need a thorough cleaning. I will probably take off Thursday to finish everything up. I’ll probably also do some stuff tomorrow night. I’m just glad to be spending the night in my new apartment. It’s not easy moving in January, but it’s getting done.

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I Cannot Sing

I Cannot Sing
by Edward Nathaniel Harleston

I cannot sing, because when a child,
My mother often hushed me.
The others she allowed to sing,
No matter what their melody. 

And since I’ve grown to manhood
All music I applaud,
But have no voice for singing,
So I write my songs to God. 

I have ears and know the measures,
And I’ll write a song for you,
But the world must do the singing
Of my sonnets old and new. 

Now tell me, world of music,
Why I cannot sing one song?
Is it because my mother hushed me
And laughed when I was wrong?

Although I can write music,
And tell when harmony’s right,
I will never sing better than when
My song was hushed one night. 

Fond mothers, always be careful;
Let the songs be poorly sung.
To hush the child is cruel;
Let it sing while it is young. 

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Thank You

I want to thank everyone for their congratulations on my appointment as an Assistant Professor. I was asked if I would pursue my PhD again. The answer is that I would like to, but there are a number of issues. The first is finding the right PhD program. It would have to be near me or online. The only one near me is the University of Vermont, and if I chose that one it would probably be a PhD in Gender Studies. There are a few online programs, but I don’t feel that the right one is out there yet. The other is the cost. I do not want to add to my student loan debt, and I can’t afford right now to do it on my own. I’ll just have to wait and see.

Also, today is moving day. I took off work so that I could get it done. I will be moving the major stuff today. Then I have until Friday to get completely moved out and into the new place.

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Training

For bodily exercise profiteth little: but godliness is profitable unto all things, having promise of the life that now is, and of that which is to come. (KJV) ( 1 Timothy 4:8 ) 

Do you have a regular exercise routine that you follow? We all know the benefits of strengthening our muscles, burning off fat, and building up our heart. Do you also have a regular faith routine you follow? The benefits of strengthening our faith are much greater than anything else because the effects are eternal. If you find yourself without a routine or have fallen out of schedule, start one. Pick out some reading plans in the Bible, write daily in a prayer journal, meditate, pray. Whatever you choose, make sure you train for godliness. 

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Moment of Zen: Fruit and Veggies

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Nothing

I sat down last night to write this post, and I couldn’t think of anything to post. I hate when that happens. With nothing to write, I decided to just go to bed.

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Friends

I am very fortunate to have the friends I have. I am especially fortunate to have a friend like my friend Susan. Last night I was feeling very down. I am a bit overwhelmed with packing. Instead of causing me to frantically pack, it causes me to get even less done. I know it will get done, but right now I’m feeling overwhelmed. I also have a neighbor that lives below me who I have always tried to be friendly with who has turned against me and has been harassing me about everything she can. She’d been taking advantage of my kindness, and when she found out I was moving she has become increasingly more hateful to me. I am actually scared of what she might do. Add to that, the administrative assistant at the museum has decided she will only do what helps our director and refuses to do anything for me or my fellow curator. She’s supposed to be the museum’s administrative assistant not just the director’s. So after all these things coming down on me last night, I just wanted to cry. It had been an increasingly difficult day. It was nice to be able to talk to Susan and be able to tell her my woes. Just talking to her helped so much. I felt so much better afterwards. I am lucky to have the friends that I have. I hope that all of you have that person or persons who you can turn to in your time of need.

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Hot Tub

Hot Tub
Miguel Murphy

A tryst.
That ends
in a nightly dose.

A contradiction,
emptiness
refused by starlight,

the dark
enflamed with error.
Tell me again

what crime you are
so guilty of?
The hot tub,

26 Seconal—
the moon
like ejaculate.

Delicate.
Poor
Barlow,

you felt
so alone;
you were

the only queer.
January 1, 1951.
In the semantics of

your translation
you intend, in Náhuatl
a long while,

to abandon
your cadaver.
There.

About This Poem
“Robert Barlow, aged 16, was either the 43-year old H. P. Lovecraft’s lover for a summer in 1934, or just his disappointed protégé, who in his own middle years would overdose on Seconal after a student threatened to expose him for being that medical monster of the age, a homosexual. The diagnosis, the name of the disease. In 2019, I sit in my hot tub, but the freedoms of this era feel illusory. A single pill a night makes a frightening plague a kind of historical footnote. Such starlight. The backside of the century.”
—Miguel Murphy

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Packing

I will be spending the week packing, and I still have to work during the day. I have to teach several classes this week. I did some packing this weekend, but I didn’t get as far as I’d hoped. I hate packing. I don’t know of anyone who actually does like packing. I will get it done. I have to. The movers will be here next Monday. I can’t wait to get moved. I’m so looking forward to my new apartment. However, there is still so much to do. It’s a bit overwhelming.

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Endurance Is

For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise. (KJV) ( Hebrews 10:36 ) 

How do you handle unsolicited criticism? Does your pride get hurt after you've done your best and still are scoffed at? How do you handle criticism from other Christians for doing the will of God? Yes, it's difficult. But you need to carry on with a patient endurance. This endurance you can surely draw from your faith to overcome any criticism. 

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Moment of Zen: Pineapple

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Captain Kirk

Last night I went to a screening of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn followed by a discussion with none other than Captain Kirk himself, William Shatner. For an 88 year old man, he was both energetic and very funny. He told some great stories. He would often start out telling one story and then tell two or three other stories before coming back and finishing the original story. It was a great night with lots of fun.

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The Eyes Have It

Yesterday, I saw my new eye doctor. She said my eyes look great. There are no problems except that I needed a new brand of contacts that would allow my eyes to breath better and get more oxygen. I have been wearing Acuvue 2 disposable contacts, and she gave me a pair of Acuvue Oasys to try out. I’ll let them know in a few days how I like the new contacts. The good thing is my prescription did not change for my contacts, and the change in the prescription for my glasses is so slight that I don’t need a new pair, especially since I rarely wear them. So all checked out great.

By the way, the man in the picture above and below is Dr. Andrew Neighbors, who was born in Arkansas and is an Optometrist. After growing up in Arkansas, he later moved to Colorado and then to Los Angeles. He is also known as Andrew Goes Places. He began his YouTube channel on August 9, 2015, and has gained popularity there for his gay lifestyle vlog entries, including dating stories, personal updates, as well as challenge completions.

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Sleeping In

I get to sleep in a bit today. I have a eye doctor’s appointment this morning. I may end up taking the whole day off. As a general rule, they dilate my eyes, which more often than not give me a bad headache. It also sometimes take a while for the dilation to wear off. I am not going to go to work if my eyes are dilated or if I have a headache. I’ve actually put off an eye exam for longer than I should have, so it’s definitely needed. We’ll see if my eyes have gotten worse; I’ve never been to an eye doctor and my prescription hasn’t changed. We’ll see.

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A Winter Night

A Winter Night

Sara Teasdale

My window-pane is starred with frost,

The world is bitter cold to-night,

The moon is cruel, and the wind

Is like a two-edged sword to smite.

God pity all the homeless ones,

The beggars pacing to and fro.

God pity all the poor to-night

Who walk the lamp-lit streets of snow.

My room is like a bit of June,

Warm and close-curtained fold on fold,

But somewhere, like a homeless child,

My heart is crying in the cold.

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The Gay History of the Loire Valley

About 15 years ago, I took a summer study abroad trip to France. We spent several weeks exploring the Loire Valley before spending a week in Paris. We spent much of our time in the Loire Valley studying the royal chateaus that are throughout the valley. It was the home of French royal life during the Renaissance. The picture on my banner is from that trip. We had been to the market in Amboise and sat by the river to have a picnic. I took that picture of the bridge then. It’s still a favorite picture of mine.

What I did not know at the time was the intense gay history of the region during the Renaissance. England’s King Richard I at Fontevraud Abbey. Richard seemed to have quite an intense relationship with the young French Phillip II. They fought the Third Crusade together, and it is written that the men “ate every day at the same table and from the same dish, and at night their beds did not separate them.”

Leonardo da Vinci lived his last years in the Loire Valley at Chateau de Cloux, now known as Chateau du Close Lucé. He was there under the patronage of Francis I. Accompanying da Vinci were his two favorite assistants, Gian Giacomo Caprotti and Francesco Melzi, both of whom were likely his lovers. It is no secret in history that da Vinci was gay.

At Chateau de Chenonceau, Catherine de Medici is said to have thrown lavish cross-dressing balls. Several of Catherine’s sons became king of France, including Henry III, who was likely gay. The king was said to have a strong feminine side and was quite the dandy. He kept himself surrounded by his minons, who were handsome, young male couturiers who copied his style and were likely his bed partners.

Thus in closing, I will quote Katharine Hepburn’s character Eleanor of Aquitaine in The Lion in Winter, “Such, my angels, is the role of sex in history.”

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Delivered

I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears. (KJV) ( Psalm 34:4 ) 

Do you ever feel the weight of your burdens and fears pressing down on your shoulders? Do you carry it around all day with you? Turn your heart to God and pray to Him. Hand Him your stressful thoughts and worries, He will carry your burden for you. After you've prayed, stop worrying and release them. Your Heavenly Father will watch over you. 

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Moment of Zen: A Night Out

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Free of Pain

I woke up yesterday completely devoid of pain. There was no headache or even the usual pain in my neck, which has been bothering me for weeks as well. In other words, I felt good yesterday. I don’t know what today will hold, but for one day I was pain free. It was a very busy day, but that’s a good thing. I barely had time to slow down all day. I like days like that. Unless you’ve ever suffered from chronic pain, you may not be able to understand the overwhelming relief when said pain subsides even if for just a day.

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Migraine

I really thought the new monthly migraine medicine was working. For most of December, I did not have a headache. Then they started up again. I’m having them almost daily again now. Last night’s was particularly bad. It’s the worst I’ve had since I filled the Migranal prescription. So I tried the Migranal for the first time last night. It had absolutely any effect. In fact, no other medicine I took had no effect. Does anybody who’s used Migranal have any advice? Did it work for you?

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On Snow

On Snow
Jonathan Swift - 1667-1745

A Riddle

From Heaven I fall, though from earth I begin.
No lady alive can show such a skin.
I'm bright as an angel, and light as a feather,
But heavy and dark, when you squeeze me together.
Though candor and truth in my aspect I bear,
Yet many poor creatures I help to insnare.
Though so much of Heaven appears in my make,
The foulest impressions I easily take.
My parent and I produce one another,
The mother the daughter, the daughter the mother.