Friday, July 3, 2015

Move!


DISCLAIMER: I am not singling anyone out in this post, nor am I angry at anyone. However, I want to explain why suggestions are not always easy to implement.  Please do not be offended by what I say, and I always love the suggestions and comments y'all leave.

Each time I rant about stupid bigoted Alabama politics or something with my family or whatever situation I speak of, someone and generally more than one person, suggests that I move. Moving away from here has been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember. When I moved to Mississippi for graduate school, I did get away. I lived in Mississippi’s most progressive city, or at least it was progressive in the circles I was in. However, circumstances brought me home and I've been trying to get away again since.
I have been working on this for five years, and it's one of my many failures in life. I can't seem to make it work, and I can't just pick up and move. For the past five years, I have been underemployed, and now I am unemployed. All of that means that I was living paycheck to paycheck and now I wonder what will happen when I get paid my last paycheck at the end of this month. Unemployment should kick in, but it will be just enough to pay my current bills (I hope). Moving will take two things, which I currently don't have: a job elsewhere (or a job at all for that matter) and money.
I am not a risk taker. I really never have been, which means that I am not going to drop everything and move to a new place without a job. I'm not even sure that if I get a job elsewhere I will be able to afford to move, but I will pray that my family will help me get on my feet somewhere else if it's for a good job. Poverty fucking sucks, and it keeps sucking you in deeper and deeper. I have talked about my money situations before, and I do believe one day it will get better. Right now though, the future is hopeful but also pretty damn scary. So it's easy to say move away from Alabama, but the reality is not so easy. 
There is also something else to consider when people suggest that someone move away from a less than welcoming environment. Some people have reasons for staying. I have a boyfriend here, and the dynamics of leaving him is not something I want to discuss on this blog, that will remain private. Just know that he wants what is best for me. Also, my family is here, including my niece and nephew. Those are things that would make me very sad to leave behind, but things I could live with. But there are other LGBT individuals who have much stronger reasons to stay. Maybe they take care of a sick family member. Maybe they work for a civil rights organization. Maybe they can't imagine living anywhere else. There are so many reasons why people would want to stay in Alabama, reasons that outside of this state, people might not understand, but it doesn't make their reasons less important. Therefore when I rant about issues in Alabama, I am hoping for a better place not just for me, but for the whole LGBT community in Alabama.
Any of us who dealt with bullies as children, or even as adults, know that there are times when you need to run away, but there are also times to take a stand.  If we don't take a stand, then the bigots win. They cannot win. We have to continue fighting, and even if I leave Alabama, I will continue to be interested in Alabama politics and the rights of the LGBT community in Alabama. I still keep up with what happens in Mississippi because I did live there for ten years, and I keep up with Louisiana because I have wonderful friends there.
So my point is, it's nice to say “move” but the reality is not so easy. It's more complicated than that.

9 comments:

mess said...

You are right.... And taking a stand is admirable......and making a difference is admirable....and knowing somewhere in yourself that making a difference sometimes makes no difference because the forces against you are too obtuse....
I follow your blog because I enjoy what you have to say.... And I enjoy watching your life unfold.... And like the voyuer that I am... I can only imagine your feelings of hurt and outrage (because my own are from a very different viewpoint)....
But.... You engage me ... And I am interested.... And I wish you all the best....
And I will read your blog... Enjoy your pictures... Poems.... History... And outrage....
And root for you in whatever capacity I can....
Tess

Susan said...

Thank you for these comments, Joe. It is easy to say "move" when you see someone in a situation that cries out for getting away. But the obvious reality is, it isn't easy for any of us to just pick up and leave, as much as we may want to. I'm sure anyone who follows your blog wants you to end up in a more comfortable environment than the one you have been forced to live in for the past 5 years. And that environment wasn't just your physical location; it was that job, however necessary. But whenever that transition happens, it will take time. It not a snap-your-fingers-and-it's-done scenario by any means. What I hope for is you is this: that you are able to get a job that is acceptable, now—something that can give you a chance to breathe and evaluate other options while bringing in a salary. I can imagine you would like to stay near your family and boyfriend even if you do end up leaving the state. I wish that for you too.

Sending so much good luck and hope your way. :)

Michael Dodd said...

Of course, it is hard to move. Daniel (I know you are not naming names, but I do read the comments and have no such hesitation) must know that, too. But one can take the advice on a number of levels.

In recovery, they often warn people about seeking a geographical cure. Moving to another place may not be the answer at all. As my New Testament prof at MSU told us, the problem with going somewhere else to find paradise is that you have to bring yourself along. At any rate, the evidence is that you are moving. You are taking concrete steps to find a new position, one that will provide not only income but a fuller life. And while your body may not be able to move at the moment, the real YOU can be moving forward in faith, hope and love on a daily basis. And when the time comes -- if it does -- that your body can move to a happier clime, you will bring you along, but you will be a fuller expression of the best that you can be.

Peace.

Daniel said...

Joe, I spoke out of turn. It was not my intention to tell you what to do, but the fact is I spoke before I knew all the facts. This always gets me in trouble and despite my professional training, I slip up in ordinary interactions with people.


I will try to do better.

I look forward to hearing how you are doing in your journey.

Joe said...

Daniel, when I said I wasn't singling anyone out, I meant it. Being told to move is a comment that I've heard many times. As far speaking before knowing the facts, I do that all the time too. My mouth far too often gets me into trouble. So you aren't alone in that. Thank you for your comments and advice. I wanted you and everyone else to know that, yes, I am doing my best to get the hell out of here. It's just seems to be harder than it should be.

JiEL said...

It's very courageous of you to open to us and making it more comprehensive of ALL your ISSUES in your life.

I personnaly know that moving on another place and life is very difficult and hazardous..

But you must be confident in you and your habilities.

As some say, IT GETS BETTER...

HOPE and some LUCK and you'll have that possibility to move on...

AND, as you are a Bible and Gospels believer, didn't Jesus said:" Be confident because God will provide you for all. Are the birds worrying if they'll have food...."
(Not the accurate sentence but you can see the meaning of it...)

greenbeltandy said...

I have lived in the DC area my entire life. There are a lot of things I don't like about living here, like the traffic and congestion. Also a lot of self absorbed, unfriendly people on ego trips.

You go into stores and restaurants where no one can speak coherent English. The summers are too hot and winter too cold.

I have, several times over the course of my lifetime, tried to move somewhere else. But it never has worked out.

Sometimes the devil known is still better than the devil unknown.

JiEL said...

@greenbeltandy,

In my Young life, with my parents, we moved 15 time through the Province of Québec because my dad was having some promitions each time...
Now it's different but must say that being reimplanted in another town and school is quite hard on some child..

Some moves were nice, other were more painful...

In my «adult» and Professional life, I moved 9 times and the first time I did it was in 1974 moving to teach in Sudbury Ontario.
Sudbury was so a strange and way out of my usual habits place, but I adapt being used to do it in my Young times....

From Subury, I removed to Sep-Îles that is at the opposite from Sudbury in geographic and way of life point of view...

Must tell you that EACH places had their + and - in my life.

SO, YES, it can be scary to to a MOVE but also, it can be exciting and give many good expériences too...

Hope this can also help JOE to go forward and find a REAL place for him.

Sky is the limit here...

Anonymous said...

It's just hard to relocate when you have family obligations, etc. But realize that maybe God had you there for a reason -- to minister to those folks! At least until He provides for you to be somewhere else! :)