Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Blue Mood

Yesterday was one of those blue mood days.  It usually happens when I get a rejection letter.  One of the community college jobs cancelled their job search because of funding.  From my experience, that's not unusual with colleges.  While that was in no part my fault, it still depressed me. That isn't the only thing that got me down though, but the other thing should have made me happy.  The job that I went on an interview for last week called, and they want me to come in for a second interview.  Which that is great, but it's for the lesser paying of the two jobs they interviewed me for.  This position actually pays less than my previous teaching position.  On the plus side, it would have benefits unlike my previous position.

To make my mood worse, my old school starts back today.  I hate that I am unemployed, but also I'm glad I'm not going back to that school.  It still depressing that I'm not there, but I got severely burned out on teaching because of that place.  The apathy of the students and parents was just soul draining.  It did teach me a very valuable lesson: I do not want to teach middle school or high school again.  I will go back to working in schools if I get this job that I have an interview for, but I won't stop looking for something that will make me happy.

Of the dozen or so jobs that I have had in my lifetime, only three have made me very happy.  I loved working at a bookstore when I was in college, sadly though brick and mortar book stores are becoming something of the past.  I also loved teaching college.  A lot of that may have been where I was teaching but I loved my students and they loved me, sadly that was only part time, and I was a casualty of budget cuts.  The other job that I have loved is my current job as a volunteer.  I love telling people about the museum and meeting so many wonderful people.  Which is why, even if I have to settle for a job I might not particularly want, I am still going to pursue the museum studies certificate this fall (It runs from September 21-November 30, which will make a nice birthday present for me when I finish), and I will continue pursuing a job at a museum or historical site.

While it was a blue day yesterday, it did start out well with a nice conversation about poetry with a friend of mine, though I think she's decided I'm a bit loquacious at times, and I had another good conversation with a friend of mine in the early afternoon.  Then last night I had four different conversation with my boyfriend and three other friends of mine: two on the phone, two online (Kik and Twitter).  So I've had the love and support of some wonderful friends, but anyone who has battled depression knows that no matter how good things can be, sometimes you have those days where it is very hard to see it.  Yesterday was one of those days.


Susan said...

Joe, this may not be the job of your dreams, but I hope you get it for the obvious income and benefits, and the chance to feel more in control of your life while continuing to looking for something more satisfying.

Adding to your depression is the double-edged sword of hating where you used to work, but hating being unemployed. And the teensy part of you that bitterly resents not returning to work today. I get that. But you have to know in the long run you are well-clear of that place. Eventually you will be in another situation where you will be more appreciated for who you are. It may not be immediately, but it will happen.

Mike said...

California is way far away from you, but I have a friend who has a history degree and masters in history. She volunteered at 2 local museums and just got a job as a curator for a museum nearby. She is also teaching curation classes for CSUSB. She is willing to help if you are interested. My email is

Anonymous said...

I know what your are going thru. I had many good days and bad days when job hunting. It's tough to get thru those blue days but know you have friends who love and support you.

I know you posted a link a feww weeks ago to your GOFUNDME page. I see that you've had some generous donations which should help you pay for you to go to school and get your Museum Studies degree.

I would ask your readers to strongly consider donating to your fund. You've provided all of us with such great insights and stories and words of encouragement and wisdom from your life, I think we owe you if possible. Even $20 helps. For those who have already generously donated to help Joe out, please forward tHe link to others or repost on Twitter or Facebook or wherever you might encourage others to help.

Joe. You can do this. Thank you for all that you give us, your family of followers.

Can you repost the link again

Joe said...

Ethan, thank you so much for you kind words. It's people like you that help lift these blue moods.

This is the link for my GoFundMe fundraising campaign, lWhen One Door Closes. . .":

Andrew Weiss said...


I know from the way you were talking that you were far less than satisfied with your teaching job, long before they let you go. I was let go from mine and it ended up being a blessing in disguise, as I ended up finding a much better career.

I think, even if depressing in the short run, that leaving a job you disliked and being forced to look at other options may also be a blessing in disguise for you as well. Someone with your intelligence and interests can't be kept down for very long.

My break came through Snelling and Snelling, an employment agency. I have no idea if they are even still around, but contacting a similar agency might not be a bad idea.