Wednesday, August 19, 2015

I Try, But Sometimes I Fail



I try so hard to remain upbeat and to just believe that God will point me in the right direction.  He says that He will not forsake us if we do not forsake Him, but it is really hard at times to believe that.  As I write this, it is Wednesday afternoon.  The sky is dark with storm clouds, the rain is beating down, and there is thunder and lightening all around.  Not the best thing for keeping a person's spirits up, even though I've always loved the rain and stormy weather.  It's just not lifting my spirits.  I should be happy that my job interview seemed to go well, but instead I brooded all night last night with worry.  I finally fell asleep sometime around 4 a.m.  I made myself get out of bed at 10:30, but I didn't want to.  I did though and submitted three more job applications.  However, by the afternoon I was wiped.

The stress and worry is piling up on me.  What am I going to do financially if I can't find a job?  Why can't people see that I'd be a wonderful asset to their organization?  Why can't I find the joy in the little things that should make me happy?  I hate my life, I hate my fucking situation, and I just want to be far, far away from this miserable place.

Maybe tomorrow will be better.  Maybe something good will finally happen.  Maybe I will actually even get some encouraging news this afternoon.  Maybe this, maybe that.  It all seems to be maybes, and I don't handle uncertainties well.  To be completely honest, I'm scared.  I'm doing everything I know how to do but nothing seems to work.  People have told me over and over that things will eventually work out, but it's times like this that I find that hard to believe.  This up and down roller coaster of emotions is killing me, and I don't know what to do, except just curl up in bed and cry.  Which is what I'm going to do right now.  Maybe listening to the rain will help smooth me, or maybe I'll fall asleep and wake up feeling more hopeful.

8 comments:

Manuel T. said...

You'll find something soon and this bad experience will be nothing more than a memory.

Jay M. said...

Your job will come. I swear I think the whole job selection process is arbitrary. You NEVER know what they are looking for. It took me 5 months to find a new job. Thankfully, a friend let me stay with him, or I don't know what I would have done. I know the stress, the depression, the constant what-ifs. Believe me, the right job will come along. My thoughts and prayers go out to you, Joe.

Peace <3
Jay

Susan said...

God is pointing you in the right direction. But unfortunately you can never know how long it may take. Jay is so right about the selection process and what they are looking for. Everything about trying to find work is so demoralizing, esp. because you never know what you are doing right or wrong along the way. But from everything you have said, you ARE doing a lot of the right things, and you DO have a lot to offer. The job you are meant to have will come your way, Joe. Please hang on and stay strong in your belief this will happen. You are always in my prayers, Joe.

Marsha said...

I know this is a horrible time for you. It will get better but it is so hard to believe it, I know. Just believe that there are those of us who are thinking of you and sending good vibes your way.

Amanda said...

Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way. ((Hugs))

Ex-Restaurant Manager said...

Joe, I know things look bleak. Look outside the box. The main thing is to get income in-coming. Did you ever wait tables years ago? Or bartend? Cash coming in to tide you over while still looking for the "right job". Don't wait for a job to come to you. Many employers will appreciate you sublimating yourself to stay employed rather than going periods of time unemployed. And are usually willing to work around your hours.

No offense intended by this comment. I've enjoyed your blog for awhile now, and being an "experienced" reader, thought I'd pass on my thoughts. Don't give up. I've been in similar situations to yours and have my perfect job, found in an unusual way.

silvereagle said...

Maybe you are limiting your choices....see the other comments...be open to any avenue...and maybe a complete change...Damn!! Your life is so much better than you think it is!!!

Ron said...

"Sweet are the uses of adversity....." (Beginning of "As You Like It.") try that attitude on and you may find that things actually do go better for you.

It's understandable that you would be worried about your future, and I have also been in that space. However, you are a talented individual so sooner or later a position will come open where you will be appreciated.