Thursday, April 10, 2014

F***ing Tired

Nothing, not one damn thing seemed to go right today.  The most important thing was that I hurt a friend by accident.  I was an insensitive ass, and I didn't even realize it until it was too late.  It's one of my great character flaws.  For the past few weeks, I have been pulled in a dozen different directions and trying to juggling so many things at once.  And I'm just fucking tired of it.  I'm tired of being angry at people for not doing things like they are supposed to (or the way I think hey should be done--I can be a bit of a control freak at times).  I'm tired of being angry at the world and accidentally taking it out on others.  I'm tired of not being sensitive enough for my friends because I can't juggle everything at once, when there are certain people who I want to be my sole focus, even if they live so far away. And when one of those people really needed me today, I wasn't there for him and it tears me up inside.

I think I was too focused on other things that were going wrong with my day, which is not an excuse.  I'm trying to teach my classes and create a DVD of the recording of the play we did, but when I tried to purchase the software to make the DVD, they won't accept my payment.  First my bank rejected it thinking it was a fraudulent purchase, and after I got that straightened out, now the software company won't take a payment from me at all.  The thing is that I really liked this software.  I have looked at several different programs to use, but all of them are either very difficult for me the figure out, or I'm unable to purchase the software, or they are a crappy software that won't work with the videos, or it's one of the numerous other problems I've run into trying to make this DVD.  (If anyone has a suggestion for a DVD creator, please let me know.  I'd greatly appreciate it.)

Then after staying after school late to figure the DVD shit out (after dealing with uncaring students all day), I get home to find out three other bad pieces of news.  First, I'd hurt my friend more than I thought, and I can only beg for forgiveness.  Second, I was supposed to go to a concert on Saturday, but it's been cancelled because the large amounts of rain we've received recently has flooded the amphitheater.  The concert has been postponed until May 3.  Not that bad of a problem but the person I was going with will be out of state and can't go on the rescheduled date.  Then I find out that I'm being told since I'm not going to the concert that I have to attend a wedding shower, and my family is mad at me because I said that I would not go.  I've had so much going on the last few weeks, that if I'm not going to the concert, I refuse to do a damn thing on Saturday.

I apologize for the harsher tone and language of this post, but I'm just so angry and frustrated and tired right now, I can either scream or cry or both.  So I needed a ranting post.  I feel like such a shitty person right now, and I feel sorry for anyone who gets in my way.  I tend to get angry and lash out when I am so frustrated.  Therefore,  I am going to post this now, get it off my chest, stay in my bedroom, and try to relax.  I hope tomorrow is a better day.  If I calm down enough to write a post for tomorrow, then I will do so, but one of two things are going to happen, if I don't wrote a post, I may just post a picture.

I just hope things get better and my friend finds it in his heart to forgive me, not to mention the friends I need to email that I haven't in the last few weeks because I have been so busy.  I also hope that my frustration level decreases.  It really needs to, and I just need to calm down and quit being frustrated with myself.


Michael Dodd said...

Been there, done that, lived anyway.

It gets better.

RB said...

Everyone makes mistakes, says and does things they later regret. As long as you make amends and it doesn't happen too often, I wouldn't lose sleep over it.

Anonymous said...

If your friend really is a friend, you will be forgiven. If you are not forgiven or made to suffer, you do not need your "friend." Sorry to read that you are having such a bad week. Sometimes praying or singing a bunch of old hymns helps me at times like this. Do I hear, "Nearer, My God, to Thee" playing?

fan of casey said...

Joe: You try to do too much and put so much pressure on yourself. You need to take some time to take care of yourself.

naturgesetz said...

I think Anonymous (Apr 10 @ 10:23) and fan of casey make good points about true friends and maybe being overextended.

There is a cumulative (maybe even exponential) effect when things keep going wrong. Sometimes things aren't as bad as they feel. I'm hoping that's the case with this day, and that everything will feel better tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

I agree with the comments above. If he's a true friend then he's already forgiven you. I also like the suggestion of singing a song to help get thru tough times. A good friend loaned me his favorite song and I'll loan it to you.
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey. You never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away". You've been a very busy boy and I'm sure your friend realizes that. Have a better day and great weekend.

JiEL said...

I've just sent you some help to solve your DVD issue...

BUT, I'm not sure about it because you don't give technical infos about in which format is your original movie (??)

Many ways to edit a DVD but it depends on the format of the original.

Hope my email can help you.

(((( HUGS ))))

PS. For your fans, this site is a «gold mine» for FREE softwares and totally safe too.
GO to -»

xxx said...

Everyone has bad days

Mike said...

I hate feeling like I'm treading like that. That's been the past month with me... Hopefully your friend can find it in their heart to forgive.