Monday, December 14, 2015


Some of you may or may not have noticed this, but I removed a blog from my "Blogs I Like" in the lefthand column. Some of you came to my blog from that blog. Some of you already know why because I've seen that you commented on the last post of that blog. The thing is, this person had written a blog as three different people for years. Suddenly yesterday, he told the "truth" that he was a man more than twice the age of the people he pretended to be and that all of it had been a lie. He claimed there were grains of truth, but who the hell really knows at this point. A few weeks ago, the same thing had happened on another blog (not one I read, the one from yesterday I did usually read). The blog from a few weeks ago turned out to be a female author pretending to be a gay man.

Gay romance is filled with women who write under a male pen name. That doesn't bother me, because mostly it's an open secret to those who pay attention to the industry. Also, it's nothing new, women have been using male pen names for centuries. When you're trying to sell books, it really is about getting published and actually selling the book. That's an entirely different debate and not the same thing.

If you've ever been on a gay dating site, you know that people on the internet lie. That's one of the thing about the Internet, there have always been and there always will be people who lie and deceive.  They will always make excuses for why they do so, but it is still lies and deception. Lies and deceit just hurt other people, and ultimately it will bite you in the ass. I think what hurt the most and angered me about this situation is the memory of my friend who recently died.  He had the real issues that this guy described in his blog.  He looked up to "these guys" and it gave him hope that things could be better for him. If he had lived, he would have been completely devastated by this. The thing is that I know my friend wasn't the only person who did identify with that blog, and I'm sure they are now devastated as well.

I sure these blogs I've mentioned won't be the only blogs who reveal they are all lies. I think of all the gay bloggers who are out there and are real. For everyone of these fakes that emerges more people will doubt the validity of others.  That's the saddest part. Because when I say, I'm real, I sure there are people who will doubt that.  The truth is that I'm just not creative enough to make all of this up and I'm certainly not cruel enough to do so. When I pour out my emotions on this blog, I do so with my whole heart. Over the course of this blog, I have been devastated by three major losses in my life: my grandmama, my beloved cat Victoria, and my best friend. I'm not even going to count he loss of my job, because that turned out pretty damn well in the end, but the other losses devastated me. You've been there with me, offered your support and shared my pain. You've been there when I was happy and excited over other events in my life. There have been many ups and downs, and believe me when I say that I like happy ending and happy stories.  If I was making this stuff up, I would never have included the downs. I know the many people who follow me feel my ups and downs. I couldn't live with myself if I were making this stuff up because I'd know I was allowing people to be hurt over things that weren't true.

Some of you know my last name (yes, my real first name is Joe, well actually Joseph, but most people just call me Joe). Some of you know where I live, or know my address. If you pay attention, it wouldn't be terribly hard to figure out where I work. Others have talked to me on the phone, some have even met me in person. Some really long time readers are friends of mine on Facebook. My Facebook, my GoFundMe account, and even the Facebook for where I work, has real pictures of me.

This post wasn't to convince you that I am real, but to talk about the deceptions of others. I am most certainly real.


Susan said...

Good morning, Joe.
I was a regular reader of both blogs and did feel a sense of loss, hurt and sadness. You become emotionally invested in the lives of people you follow and when all of a sudden they simply no longer exist, it is a shock if nothing else. That is the part of the Internet I find very difficult to come to terms with. It is completely antithetical to what I would consider normal behavior. The time and energy required to create fake personas and keep them going seems unbelievably draining and IMO always less interesting in the long run to reality.

Your blog, Joe, is a perfect example of a well-written, well-thought out blog. It is partly about your life with as you said, your many ups and downs, and it has additional features too. It's all a great mix, and it's all real because it's what interests you. Thank you for being here.

GK said...

Joe,,,,,, YOU are indeed a BLESSING to SO many folks. Thanks for your honesty, compassion and care. Would that all were like you !!!

GK said...

Also Joe.... I too have a blog and through it I was FINALLY able to come out-of-the-closet totally as of November 2nd 2015. I am 61 years seasoned and my partner and I have been under the same roof for 40+ years. [ We met in 4th grade ]. Someday when you have a moment [yeah, right! ] kindly take a look at it. Today's post is mainly pics of my "Grandson" [long story], sometimes we cover FAITH [which I am so happy that you cover also = inspiration to ME ], sometimes politics,,, but whatever you do Joe, IF you find the time PLEASE read the November 2nd post,,,,where all in this very small community heard the facts ,,, and reacted with the greatest of kindness. Thanks - - - GOD BLESS !

Mike said...

Wow. The deception can hurt. I haven't a clue about the blog you are talking about, but that is a low. Part of the beauty of the blogs/community we have as gay (closeted) writers is that we can share our experiences, and support each other; lying changes that.

Amanda said...

Hi Joe! Thank you for this post. I, like Susan, followed both of the blogs in question. It is inconceivable to me how underhanded and downright manipulative people can be. I tend to take people at face value. I may be a little naive and assume most are being honest. However, this has changed that somewhat for me. I have always believed you and never doubted you Joe. Every communication we've had has been open and honest. I truly can appreciate that in a time like this. But, I never doubted you or your blog. Thank you for being a light in a dark place. I could go and on about how hurtful these people have been. It really to me is being a sociopath and pathological liar. The things that were perpetrated are incomprehensible. Anyway, sorry to vent. But thanks for listening. I love your blog and I'm blessed to know you. Thank you for your friendship. ((Hugs))

Anonymous said...

Joe, I found your blog through the one you mentioned today and while I haven't posted here, I checked in daily and find your posts moving and insightful. I also feel naive in that I tend to trust people for who they say they are. I don't want to become so disheartened that I mistrust everything I read. My heart hurt when I read about the loss of your friend. Please know that your posts give me hope and help me to find something positive to carry me through the days I need an extra boost. Thank you for being real.

Dina (a real person in Maryland)

Blobby said...

Lord - who has the time to create / blog under such a false persona. I can barely be bothered with my own.