Monday, September 15, 2014

Wandering Mind

I probably shouldn't admit this, but unless I'm taking notes my mind tends to wander a lot.  I kept focused in school by always taking notes, but my mind tends to wander when I don't take notes, especially in church when I'm just listening.  The preacher was giving a lesson on Psalms 46, particularly "Be still, and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10).  The message was about how busy we get in life, and how sometimes we just have to stop and realize that no matter how busy we are God is there with us.  Just because we are busy, God still loves us and we should do our best to glorify Him.

So there were two particular thoughts that I had while in church.  Two of the couples that attend my church had their grown sons there today.  I will just say this, one I know from the years his family has been coming to our church, but he now lives in North Carolina, the other I'd never seen at church before.  My NC friend is pretty hot, just saying.  He's very nice and so good looking.  If only he was gay.  The other guy was not bad looking either, so I may have had a few impure thoughts in church.  Ok, so I did have a few impure thoughts.  I couldn't help myself.  Not the best thing to be thinking about, but like I said, my mind wanders sometimes.

My other thought was how wonderful it would be to have a boyfriend sitting next to me in church.  I always sat on the bench with my grandmother, with my parents in front of me, and my aunt behind me.  Since my grandmama passed away a couple of years ago, I sit on the bench by myself.  Our song leader always says come back next week and bring someone.  I'd love to take someone to church with me.  A friend is a friend, and honestly, no one would have to know it was anything more.  But as my mind wandered, it thought how nice it would be to have a man I love sit next to me in church and enjoy the wonderful message our preacher delivered and to sing along with him and beside him.  One of the things I love most about church is the wonderful singing.  There is no sound more beautiful to me than a church of people singing a cappella.  I'd love to share that with someone I loved some day.

I had two brief relationships over the summer, but both dissipated for whatever reasons.  I continue to search for the right man, though I fear that I won't find that man until I am moved away from here.  I'm still searching for a better job opportunity, and hopefully something will come up, and it will allow me to live a more open life.  Until then, I will not stop dreaming.


Michael Dodd said...

Keep dreaming, keep hoping, keep looking for a better job in a place where you can be yourself. All of this will help you find the guy -- and help him find you!

Anonymous said...

I think that's most peoples desire is to have a companion to share their life and experiences with. You'll find him, I know it. Just think, he's thinking the sane thing wondering if there is someone special for him, just looking and waiting for the right time, right place and right person. Someday soon you'll find each other.

Anonymous said...

Look northward! ;-)

Peace <3

silvereagle said...

Dreams are the keys to tomorrow....without them we would just be stagnant. Daydreams, imaginations, thoughts -what ever you may term them are important. And looking at a good looking guy in church or anywhere else is certainly better than looking at the watch and wondering 'when will this be over?'

Sorry about your loss. I was away for a couple of weeks at the beach.