Faith That Endures

My brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of any kind, consider it nothing but joy, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance; and let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking in nothing.

—James 1:2-4

There have been times in my life when I have questioned my faith. Not because I wanted to walk away from God, but because I struggled to understand Him. I looked at the suffering in the world, the loss of loved ones, and the pain endured by good people, and I wondered how it all fit within the promises of a loving and sovereign God.

For a while, those questions weighed heavily on me. I wanted answers that never seemed to come. Looking back now, I realize that God was less interested in giving me immediate answers than He was in drawing me closer to Him through the questions themselves.

When I read Scripture, I see that I am far from alone.

Job lost nearly everything. He questioned God, lamented his suffering, and demanded an explanation. Yet through it all, he never stopped seeking the One he could not understand. (Job 3:11–26; 13:23–24)

David filled the Psalms with cries of confusion and grief. Again and again he asked, “How long, O Lord?” He knew what it was like to feel abandoned, afraid, and overwhelmed. Yet time after time his lament turned back toward trust. (Psalm 13:1–2; 22:1–2)

Jeremiah faithfully proclaimed God’s message only to face rejection, loneliness, and persecution. There were moments when he poured out his disappointment before God with remarkable honesty, yet he continued to follow the calling God had given him. (Jeremiah 20:7–18)

Even Jesus, in His humanity, cried out from the cross, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Those words remind us that bringing our deepest anguish before God is not a failure of faith. It is an expression of faith. (Matthew 27:46; Mark 15:34)

One thing these men shared was that none of them allowed their questions to become the end of their relationship with God. They wrestled with Him, they cried out to Him, and they trusted Him even when they could not see the path ahead.

I have come to believe that faith is not the absence of doubt. Faith is choosing to keep walking with God when the road grows dark. It is trusting that His wisdom extends beyond my understanding and that His purposes are greater than anything I can see in the present moment.

God never promised us a life free from hardship. He did promise His presence. Sometimes the path He lays before us leads through valleys we would never choose for ourselves. Yet it is often in those valleys that our faith is refined, our dependence on Him grows stronger, and our hope becomes anchored not in our circumstances but in Christ Himself.

I still do not have answers to every question. Perhaps I never will this side of heaven. But I have learned that God is no less faithful because I cannot see the whole picture. If anything, the seasons that tested my faith most severely have also become the seasons that taught me to trust Him most deeply.

One of the greatest examples of this is Joseph. Betrayed by his brothers, sold into slavery, falsely accused, and imprisoned, he endured years of suffering before he could see what God was doing. Only after looking back over the course of his life could he tell his brothers, “You intended evil against me, but God intended it for good.” Joseph’s story reminds us that God’s purposes often become clear only in hindsight. We may never fully understand every hardship we face, but we can trust that God is at work even when we cannot yet see His hand. (Genesis 50:20)

Following Christ does not mean we will never ask, “Why?” It means that even when we do, we continue to place our hand in His and follow wherever He leads, trusting that one day we, too, may look back and see how God was working through every step of the journey.

Pic of the Day

Moment of Zen: Nature

Pic of the Day

The Evolution of Fitness Media and Gay Men

Exercise for Men Only, July 2, 2007

There has always been something fascinating about the male body. It can be admired as art, celebrated as athletic achievement, studied as anatomy, or appreciated simply for its beauty. Throughout history, those perspectives have often overlapped, and for many gay men, images of the male physique have occupied a unique place in our lives.

Long before Instagram influencers and glossy fitness magazines, photographers were trying to answer a scientific question: How does the human body move?

Eadweard Muybridge, Boxing one man, knocking down the other. Plate 33 from Animal Locomotion. 1887.

In the 1870s, photographers like Eadweard Muybridge created sequential photographs of men walking, running, jumping, lifting weights, and performing everyday tasks. His goal wasn’t to create art or erotica but to study movement. Even so, those photographs became some of the earliest detailed visual records of the male body in motion. Looking at them today, it’s hard not to appreciate not only the science behind them but also the elegance of the human form.

By the end of the nineteenth century, the Physical Culture movement transformed muscularity into an ideal. Strongmen such as Eugen Sandow promoted exercise, discipline, and health while consciously modeling themselves after the proportions of classical Greek sculpture. Their photographs and cabinet cards were sold around the world as examples of physical perfection, blending athletics with aesthetics in ways that still influence fitness culture today.

Eugen Sandow

Following World War II, admiration of the male physique found a new outlet in the pages of physique magazines.

Magazines such as Physique Pictorial presented themselves as bodybuilding and health publications, carefully navigating obscenity laws by emphasizing exercise, posing, and anatomy. Officially, they promoted physical fitness. Unofficially, they became an important part of gay visual culture.

Physique Pictorial, Summer 1956

For many gay men living in an era when openly gay publications were illegal, censored, or difficult to obtain, these magazines offered something invaluable: photographs of handsome, muscular men that could be purchased without openly identifying oneself as gay. The language was coded, but many readers understood exactly who the magazines were speaking to.

By the 1970s and 1980s, bodybuilding had entered the mainstream. The popularity of Arnold Schwarzenegger, the success of Pumping Iron, and the explosion of commercial gyms made fitness part of everyday culture. At the same time, gyms became important social spaces within many gay communities. Building a muscular physique became not only a personal goal but, for many, part of a broader cultural identity.

Pumping Iron, Official Release Poster, 1977

The magazine rack reflected those changes.

Throughout the 1980s and 1990s, publications such as Men’s Health, Men’s Fitness, Muscle & Fitness, Flex, Ironman, and Muscular Development shared shelf space with magazines like Exercise for Men Only and Men’s Exercise. Most were marketed simply as fitness magazines. They offered workout routines, nutrition advice, and health information for anyone interested in getting into better shape.

Yet for many gay readers, they offered something more.

Men's Health, December 1996

Whether that was the publishers’ intention hardly matters. Page after page featured handsome, athletic men photographed in ways that highlighted the results of countless hours in the gym. They were aspirational. They were educational. And yes, they were beautiful. For many of us, these magazines became one of the few socially acceptable ways to spend time looking at other men.

Then the internet changed everything.

Websites replaced magazine racks. Discussion forums replaced classified advertisements. Eventually, Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube transformed fitness media into an endless stream of photos and videos available at any moment.

Today’s fitness influencers represent the latest chapter in this history.

Some focus on demonstrating workouts and explaining nutrition. Others invite followers into their daily lives, sharing not only how they train but how they eat, travel, work, and relax. One example is Matt Convard, a gay fitness influencer whose content revolves around exercise, healthy eating, and maintaining an active lifestyle. His posts naturally showcase the physique he has worked hard to build, but they also reveal his personality, relationships, and daily routines.

@Matt Convard, Instagram

What makes Matt particularly interesting is the line he has chosen to draw. In an era when many fitness influencers use social media to funnel followers toward increasingly explicit subscription platforms, Matt does not. Even his Patreon remains free of nudity. He understands that confidence, personality, and a well-earned physique can capture an audience without revealing everything. There is certainly an element of teasing—highlighting his muscles, a well-fitted pair of shorts, or the outline of a bulge—but it remains suggestive rather than explicit.

In many ways, he reminds me of the best physique photography from earlier generations. The goal isn’t simply to reveal the body. It’s to celebrate it.

Looking back across nearly 150 years, what strikes me is how little the underlying experience has changed. Every generation has found new ways to celebrate, admire, and aspire to the male physique. The technology evolved from photographic plates to glossy magazines to smartphone screens, but the fascination remained.

For gay men especially, these images have often served multiple purposes. They inspired us to become healthier. They reflected ideals of beauty. They offered glimpses of a community we sometimes didn’t yet realize we belonged to. They allowed us to admire other men at times when openly doing so wasn’t always possible.

Fitness media has never been just about fitness.

It has also been about identity, beauty, aspiration, and, sometimes, quietly discovering something about ourselves.

Pic of the Day

More Than Admiration

There was a comment I read the other day from another gay man that made me stop and think. He said that when he was younger, he thought he wanted to look like the men in fitness magazines. As he got older, he realized that maybe he didn’t just want to be them—he wanted to be with them.

I had one of those moments where I realized I wasn’t alone.

When I was in high school, I bought magazines like Exercise for Men Only. At least that’s what I told myself. I convinced myself that I was buying them because I wanted to build a body like the men on the covers. I admired their physiques. I studied the workout routines. I wanted bigger arms, a flatter stomach, and the confidence those men seemed to possess.

Or so I thought.

Looking back, I realize that while I genuinely wanted to be healthier and more muscular, I spent a lot more time looking at the models than I ever did reading about triceps exercises or ab workouts. Those magazines became what today might be called “spank bank” material, even if I wasn’t willing to admit that to myself at the time.

The funny thing is that I don’t think I was lying to myself entirely. I really did want a body like theirs. But I also wanted to kiss them. I wanted to date them. I wanted to wake up beside them. The desire to be them and the desire to be with them had become so intertwined that I couldn’t tell where one ended and the other began.

When you’re a closeted teenager, that’s not all that surprising.

Growing up, I didn’t have the language to understand what I was feeling. Admitting—even to myself—that I was attracted to other boys wasn’t something I was prepared to do. It was much easier to tell myself that I simply admired them. Wanting to look like them felt acceptable. Wanting to be with them did not.

Reading that comment reminded me that I wasn’t the only one who experienced that confusion. Judging by the responses, a lot of gay men did. It seems many of us first encountered our attraction to other men disguised as admiration or aspiration. Our earliest crushes looked suspiciously like role models.

The magazines have changed over the years. The physique magazines of earlier generations gave way to fitness magazines like Exercise for Men Only, Men’s Fitness, and others. Today, magazine racks have largely been replaced by Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube fitness influencers. The medium has changed, but I suspect the experience hasn’t. Somewhere, there’s a teenager scrolling through an endless stream of shirtless fitness influencers, convincing himself he’s just looking for workout tips.

Maybe he is.

Or maybe, years from now, he’ll read a comment from another gay man and realize he wasn’t alone either.

Pic of the Day

Just Another Wednesday

Today marks the halfway point of what has been a pretty ordinary week. There’s nothing particularly exciting happening, no big plans, no major milestones, and honestly, that’s made it a little difficult to think of something to write about this morning.

Sometimes it seems like every blog post should have an interesting story or a profound insight behind it, but life doesn’t always work that way. Some weeks are simply routine. I get up, feed Isabella, head to work, come home, spend some time with her, and do it all again the next day. There’s comfort in that routine, even if it doesn’t make for the most exciting blog post.

I suppose that’s part of life, though. Not every day is memorable, and not every week is filled with adventures or challenges. Most of our lives are made up of ordinary days strung together. Those quiet moments may not seem significant while we’re living them, but they’re often the foundation that keeps us going when life does become hectic.

The good news is we’re halfway through the workweek. Before long it’ll be Friday, and the weekend will be here. Until then, I’ll keep plugging away, enjoying the little moments where I can, and looking forward to whatever comes next.

I hope your week is going well, whether it’s been exciting or just pleasantly ordinary. Have a wonderful Wednesday!

Pic of the Day