I came across the picture above while looking for something to use for a Pic of the Day, and my first thought was, Well, if I have a type, he certainly fits it.
Over the years, though, I’ve realized that my “type” isn’t nearly as specific as I once thought it was. My tastes have changed, broadened, and sometimes surprised me. I can find all sorts of men attractive, including plenty who look nothing like the men I would have described as my ideal when I was younger. More importantly, I’ve learned that what’s inside a man can make him far more attractive to me than what’s on the outside.
A man can be absolutely gorgeous and check every box on my imaginary list, but if he’s arrogant, cruel, selfish, or simply unpleasant to be around, that physical attraction can disappear remarkably fast. On the other hand, I’ve known men who might not have immediately caught my eye across a crowded room, but the more I got to know them, the more attractive they became. Intelligence, kindness, humor, compassion, confidence without arrogance, and a genuine interest in other people can transform the way I see someone.
Looks matter, of course. I’m not going to pretend they don’t. Physical attraction is often what first catches our attention, especially when all we have to go on is a photograph or a handsome stranger walking past us. But there’s a difference between what initially attracts us to someone and what makes us continue to find that person attractive.
All of that being said, apparently some things never change.
If you asked me to describe the physical “type” I’ve consistently found attractive throughout my life, the guy in this picture comes pretty darn close. Tall and lithe rather than overly muscular, with a lean, naturally athletic body and just a smattering of chest hair. Give him blond hair and blue eyes, and he would pretty much check every box.
I’ve wondered why blond hair and blue eyes have always had such an effect on me. I suspect there are at least two reasons. The first is that my earliest crush was a blond-haired, blue-eyed boy. Maybe somewhere in the back of my mind, that first experience of being intensely attracted to another guy established a template that has stuck with me ever since.
The other possibility is much simpler: it’s the opposite of me. I have brown eyes, and I had brown hair before most of what I have left decided gray was a better option. Maybe there has always been something particularly appealing about those lighter features because they’re so different from my own.
Of course, plenty of men I’ve been attracted to over the years haven’t had blond hair or blue eyes. Some haven’t been tall. Some haven’t been particularly lithe. Some have been hairy, some smooth, some muscular, some skinny, and some somewhere in between. Attraction has a funny way of ignoring the rules we make for it.
And the older I get, the more I realize that the men who stay attractive in my mind aren’t necessarily the ones who came closest to some physical ideal. They’re the ones whose personalities drew me in. Someone can become more handsome the longer you know him just as easily as someone beautiful can become decidedly less so once he opens his mouth.
Maybe that’s the difference between having a “type” and actually being attracted to someone. A type is an ideal we carry around in our heads. Attraction is much messier, more unpredictable, and ultimately more interesting.
Still, if a tall, lithe, blond-haired, blue-eyed man with a little chest hair happens to walk by, I’m probably going to notice.
I’m only human.
What about you? Do you have a “type”? And if you do, have the people you’ve actually fallen for fit that type—or have they completely surprised you?
