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Happy Halloween

Halloween is the most fun holiday of the year. I won’t be dressing up this year but, I will be handing out candy. I don’t know how many trick or treaters we will have. The weather is not supposed to be good tonight. Every year that I have lived here, we have had lots of trick or treaters. They wear some of the cutest costumes. I love seeing all the costumes. I’ve never given out candy here though because I live on the second floor, and I didn’t like the lady who lived below me who would sit out on the porch and hand out candy. Now I have a neighbor that I like, and we will hand out candy together this year. It should be a lot of fun. Isabella will sit in the window as decoration for the night. If I am downstairs on the porch, she generally sits up there on the window and watches me. Being a black cat, she’s perfect for Halloween.

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The Raven

The Raven

Edgar Allan Poe, 1809 - 1849

 Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,

Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore—

While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,

As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door—

"‘Tis some visitor," I muttered, “tapping at my chamber door—

               Only this and nothing more.”

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December;

And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.

Eagerly I wished the morrow;—vainly I had sought to borrow

From my books surcease of sorrow—sorrow for the lost Lenore—

For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore—

               Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken, sad, uncertain rustling of each purple curtain

Thrilled me—filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;

So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating,

"‘Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door—

Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door;—

               This it is and nothing more.”

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,

“Sir," said I, “or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;

But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,

And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,

That I scarce was sure I heard you”—here I opened wide the door;—

               Darkness there and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,

Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before;

But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,

And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, “Lenore?”

This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, “Lenore!”—

               Merely this and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,

Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.

“Surely," said I, “surely that is something at my window lattice;

Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore—

Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore;—

               ‘Tis the wind and nothing more!”

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,

In there stepped a stately Raven of the saintly days of yore;

Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;

But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door—

Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door—

                Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,

By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,

“Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou," I said, “art sure no craven,

Ghastly grim and ancient Raven wandering from the Nightly shore—

Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night’s Plutonian shore!”

               Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.”

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,

Though its answer little meaning—little relevancy bore;

For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being

Ever yet was blest with seeing bird above his chamber door—

Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door,

               With such name as “Nevermore.”

But the Raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only

That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.

Nothing further then he uttered—not a feather then he fluttered—

Till I scarcely more than muttered “Other friends have flown before—

On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before.”

               Then the bird said “Nevermore.”

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,

“Doubtless," said I, “what it utters is its only stock and store

Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster

Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore—

Till the dirges of his Hope that melancholy burden bore

               Of ‘Never—nevermore.'"

But the Raven still beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,

Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust and door;

Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking

Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore—

What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt and ominous bird of yore

               Meant in croaking “Nevermore.”

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing

To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom’s core;

This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining

On the cushion’s velvet lining that the lamp-light gloated o’er,

But whose velvet violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o’er,

               She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer

Swung by Seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.

“Wretch," I cried, “thy God hath lent thee—by these angels he hath sent thee

Respite—respite and nepenthe, from thy memories of Lenore;

Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!”

               Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.”

“Prophet!” said I, “thing of evil!—prophet still, if bird or devil!—

Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,

Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted—

On this home by Horror haunted—tell me truly, I implore—

Is there—is there balm in Gilead?—tell me—tell me, I implore!”

               Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.”

“Prophet!” said I, “thing of evil—prophet still, if bird or devil!

By that Heaven that bends above us—by that God we both adore—

Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,

It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore—

Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore.”

                Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.”

“Be that word our sign in parting, bird or fiend!” I shrieked, upstarting—

“Get thee back into the tempest and the Night’s Plutonian shore!

Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!

Leave my loneliness unbroken!—quit the bust above my door!

Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!”

               Quoth the Raven “Nevermore.”

And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting

On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;

And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon’s that is dreaming,

And the lamp-light o’er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;

And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor

               Shall be lifted—nevermore!

This version appeared in the Richmond Semi-Weekly Examiner, September 25, 1849. For other versions, please visit the Edgar Allan Poe Society of Baltimore’s site: http://www.eapoe.org/works/poems/index.htm#R.

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Are You Ready?

Are you ready for Halloween? It’s always one of my favorite holidays. My best friend called me from Texas Saturday, saying she wished I was there. Her annual Halloween party was that night. When we lived closer, it was always our Halloween party, but now it’s hers and her husband’s Halloween party. I miss a good Halloween party. If weather permits, my neighbor and I will sit out on the front porch and hand out candy this year. I’ve never participated in Halloween in Vermont, but I live in Halloween central. It seems that my part of town gets the most trick or treaters. It will be fun this year to take part. I’d still love a good party with some witches brew, but alas, I will settle for handing out candy.

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Miracles Do Happen

Believe me that I am in the Father, and the Father in me: or else believe me for the very works' sake. (KJV) ( John 14:11 ) 

Much of the work Jesus did on earth was miracles he performed. However, in present day we discount the credibility of miracles because we rely heavily on reason and logic but a large portion of believing in miracles is having faith in God. Is there an area in your life where a miracle is needed? Maybe it's in your relationships, finances or in your heart. Don't give up on believing. Miracles can and do happen but only through your faith in God. 

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Moment of Zen: Blue

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Those eyes...

Unexpected

Yesterday did not go as expected. First, we only got rain and not snow. That part was okay. The longer we can keep the snow away, the better. However, the event I had planned at the museum did not go as well. The speaker was great, but basically, no one showed up. Actually, two people showed up of their own free will, the other dozen or so people were dragged in from the library staff. Some of the library people may have come anyway, but the majority probably would not have without some coercion. It was gentle coercion, but coercion nonetheless. Then came my interview. The interview seemed to go great. It was just a short interview, which was not expected. Out of the myriad of things they were looking for, I had experience in all of them. The only thing I do not have experience with is living history. It seems that part of the job would entail being in costume and firing weapons from the War of 1812 through the First World War. This would not be a major part of the job, but it would be part of the job. That might be interesting, but it’s not something I’ve done before. Otherwise, I seem to be a near perfect fit for them. Will they offer me the job and a salary exceeding what I already make, and thus make it worthwhile for me to take the job? I sincerely doubt it. I was told I’d know by the end of the week.

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Wintery Wednesday

The weather people are predicting heavy snow all morning, which probably means it won’t snow at all. Then Sunday, they say we are in for a nor’easter. Isn’t it too early in the season for a nor’easter? It’s not even winter yet. It’s going to be a busy day too. We have a major event at the museum this morning. It’s the first of the public programs I have fully developed on my own since taking over this new job. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that it goes well and people actually show up. Then I am taking off this afternoon because I have a phone interview for a job back home. It would be a really cool job, and I’d be closer to family, but I don’t think they can match in salary what I am currently making. Even though I’m quite happy doing what I’m doing, if they offered me enough money, I’d have to seriously consider it. Right now, it’s just a phone interview. So it will be a busy stress filled day today.

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Queer

Queer

by Frank Bidart, 1939

 Lie to yourself about this and you will

forever lie about everything.

Everybody already knows everything

so you can

lie to them. That’s what they want.

But lie to yourself, what you will

lose is yourself. Then you

turn into them.

                 *

For each gay kid whose adolescence

was America in the forties or fifties

the primary, the crucial

scenario

forever is coming out—

or not. Or not. Or not. Or not. Or not.

                 *

Involuted velleities of self-erasure.

                 *

Quickly after my parents

died, I came out. Foundational narrative

designed to confer existence.

If I had managed to come out to my

mother, she would have blamed not

me, but herself.

The door through which you were shoved out

into the light

was self-loathing and terror.

                 *

Thank you, terror!

You learned early that adults’ genteel

fantasies about human life

were not, for you, life.  You think sex

is a knife

driven into you to teach you that.

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Sweater Weather

One of my favorite times of year is here. I love the fall in New England. It’s sweater weather. Back in Alabama, fall was just an extension of summer. It would be cool in the mornings, hot during the day, and cool at night...if the sky was clear. Here, the weather is just nice. I know it’s a little too chilly for some people. The snow has come too early. The winds are strong. All of that is okay by me. We haven’t had any heavy snow yet. Thank goodness, because I don’t get my snow tires until tomorrow. The thing is, the weather is wholly unpredictable. Yesterday, we were expecting just cloudy skies. What we got was sleet in the morning and snow all day long. None of the snow stuck, but it still snowed all day long. I had planned to drive down to New Hampshire and try out this Mexican restaurant that a coworker raved about, but with the iffy weather, I just stayed home. I’ll go for Mexican another weekend when the weather is nicer and more predictable.  We are expecting some snow on Wednesday. One weather app says light snow and another says heavy snow. Who know if we will get either. The weather is unpredictable. About the only thing you can predict is that it will be cool enough for a sweater.

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In the Truth

He that saith, I know him, and keepeth not his commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him. (KJV) ( 1 John 2:4 ) 

Having a relationship with Jesus will keep you grounded and leaning into a growing faith. A growing faith is a good sign. In a relationship, truth is spoken, conviction is felt, and confidence in God strengthens. Walk in the truth and obey God's commandments.  Was there a time in your life when you weren't living in the truth?  What were the circumstances? 

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Who does it better?

Moment of Zen: An Apple A Day...

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Television

Usually on Thursday night, I watch Big Bang Theory, Young Sheldon, and Murphy Brown. No, I don’t usually watch Will & Grace. Too often, I find Will & Grace to be too stereotypical. But anyway, I didn’t watch any TV last night. I had another headache. Two days in a row, I’ve had a headache come on late in the afternoon. So I went to bed early last night.

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I’m throwing in one puppy pic because the fireman is so damn cute.

Firemen

I had a severe headache last night, so here are some hot Australian firemen with cute kittens.

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Kisses

Kisses are always wonderful, but they are even more so when there are roaming hands. I once went out with a guy who wouldn’t kiss. He would do basically anything sexually, but he wouldn’t kiss. He felt it was too intimate. I honestly don’t understand that. Kissing is so natural. To me it’s the first step. I love a good kiss. Even just a peck on the lips can be exciting when with the right person. You don’t have to have full on kissing with tongue and all involved, but just two sets of lips pressed together is a wonderful feeling. Add to that the touch of a man’s hands on your body and the feel of his hard body up next to yours. Then it can be a tender embrace before going back to kissing. Kissing just cements an intimate moment.

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He would not stay for me, and who can wonder

He would not stay for me, and who can wonder

A. E. Housman, 1859 - 1936

 He would not stay for me, and who can wonder?

  He would not stay for me to stand and gaze.

I shook his hand, and tore my heart in sunder,

  And went with half my life about my ways.

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Back Home

I got back from Montreal yesterday. It was a good drive back. Even the border crossing didn’t take very long. The scenery was beautiful with all the fall colors. I just put on an audiobook, set the GPS, and headed home. Isabella was so very glad to see me. She was meowing and purring and just all over me. It’s nice that she actually misses me. She doesn’t like being alone.

Now it’s back to work. I have a weeks worth of stuff to catch up on. In addition I have several meeting the next few days. It should be a busy week.

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Pause

The heart of the righteous studieth to answer: but the mouth of the wicked poureth out evil things. (KJV) ( Proverbs 15:28 ) 

Big questions require thoughtful responses.  Better to pause, pray and find the right words when facing a tricky situation. When we rush to reply in haste, we often make matters worse.  God knows sometimes our first inclinations are not our best ones.  Time gives us the chance to find wisdom in difficulty. 

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Moment of Zen: Cooling Off

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Conference

So far, the conference has been a good one. It’s just a couple of metro stops from my hotel, so it’s easy to get to. Usually conferences are held in a hotel, but this one is being held at Concordia University, so all the conference hotel are away from the conference. While they are closer than mine, the walk has to be longer, since my hotel is right at a metro station and the other metro station lets out right in the building of the conference. It’s very convenient. I decided to forgo the receptions and only attend the sessions. Receptions are okay if you’re going with someone else, but I hate going to them by myself. The individual sessions, I don’t mind going by myself, but the receptions I hate.

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