Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Nothing...


They used to say that the show "Seinfeld" was a show about nothing, and I think this post is too.  I racked my brain to come up with a topic.  I tried and tried and tried, and nothing came to me.  So I decided to just write a post of randomness and nothingness.  I know there is something that I could write about, but it just don't know what it is.  Sometimes you just have writers block.  Often the best thing for that is a stream of consciousness, where you just write whatever comes in your head.

The other night I was thinking about how for gay men like me, who are 35 years old  or older, seem so old to so many.  And I will be 36 a month from today.  I got to thinking about this as I was reading tweets of people I follow on Twitter.  I had set up a Twitter account (@closetprofessor) a few months ago.  In the past week or so, I've gotten some direct messages (DMs) from several younger guys.  All of them were between 20 and 23.  Each of them were nice and very flirty, then the question comes, "How old are you?"  I answer honestly.  I really detest lying, and I hate that I often have to do so to keep in the closet.  I just don't see the use in lying to someone who is a Twitter follower.  So I tell them I'm 35.  I had one tell me that age didn't matter, and for the most part I believe him, and we continue to chat off and on.  Another one said, "I like older guys, but 35 is at the top of my range."

For me this is one of the problems with many guys in the gay community. Now, I wasn't expecting or really even hoping for a romantic relationship with any of these guys.  However, it never hurts to flirt a little.  A lot of young gay guys are wrapped up in pop culture and it's hard to relate, but find a gay guy who likes to talk football or even have an intellectual conversation with is not something you find everyday.  Then you find someone like hat, and I honestly don't care about their age.  Age is just a number to me.  It doesn't matter how young or old you are, especially when I enjoy talking to you.

If you get passed an age difference, then you have to contend with those guys who want the perfect looking and acting gay guy.  There's a whole subset of southern gay guys who are looking for the "bromo" type.  Urban Dictionary defines a bromo as: 
Dudes that happen to be gay, but aren't flamboyant at all. Prefer to go drink beer at a buddy's place, rather than go to the gay bar and pay for overpriced cocktails and listen to bouncy, campy club songs.  A bromo is not conceited in his looks, but is still put together decently, groomed but not over plucked.
Basically, the bromo type is the bow tie wearing southern gay frat dude, at least that's what you get if you look at "bromos" on Twitter.  Bromos might not be conceited about their looks, but they have "their" standards.

So, you get past the age and looks, then it goes to race.  As a southerner, interracial dating is something I've always been told was taboo.  Honestly though, does it matter the color of a person's skin?  Not to me it doesn't.  The diversity of the gay community is represented in the rainbow flag.  We are a diverse group, and we should embrace that diversity.  We often claim that if two people love each other, then the sex of the people should not matter.  How can we justify that logic when we say that a persons age, looks, or race makes the difference?  

The main thing for me is not the age, race, or looks, but what kind of person he is.  Is he kind, thoughtful, and loving?  Can he carry on a conversation?  Is he intimidated by intelligence (I prefer they not be)?  Does he enjoy the same things I enjoy?  Does he like to cuddle?   Is he a good kisser?  There are so many things to consider that age, race, and looks take a backseat.

All of this however is a hypothetical stream of consciousness.  I've never found a boyfriend, nor is there anyone in my sights.   It's quite possible, that I will never find someone. Then again, I might meet someone tomorrow.  We never know.

I thought about deleting the first paragraph about nothingness, but then again you may read this and still think it is about nothing.  If that be the case, so be it.  I just sat down and started writing and this is the post that came out. And sense I have no answers to my thoughts o. These issues, then maybe it is a post about nothing.

12 comments:

silvereagle said...

Hummmm..... Your Nothing Is certainly Something!!! And what a young man you are....now when you are way way past 35 or 36, you might not consider yourself young, but mature...as for now, you are a young southern bromo I sense...

rjjs8878 said...

Just wait until you cross fifty. It's a whole different world of rejection.

Coop said...

I think there's a line between being attracted to someone of a certain age/race/type and putting down everybody who does not fit that type.
Some gay men are so conceited that they think the world revolves around them. I'd probably lose my mind trying to date a stereotypical 18 year old gay boy.

There are a lot of talking heads out in the gay community who like to chide gay men for acting too straight or (allegedly) trying to downplay the fact that they are gay by saying that they are straight acting. My first thought when I read the word "bromo" in this post was that somewhere some know-it-all will have a problem with that designation/group/ whatever you want to call it.

RB said...

This is a very relevant post. Gay culture is youth and looks obsessed. How do you maintain a fulfilling life past age 40? No easy answer for the gay man. Your same age-range peers are all looking for a hot young guy, and have little interest in each other.

You're right that if you get past the age question, the guy wants u to look like George Clooney.

I don't know why I haven't given up :(

Jay M. said...

Believe me, it's even worse when you don't come out until you're 52.
I don't even know where to LOOK for a relationship, certainly not the gay bars, Grindr, etc.

I haven't given up, but the prospects aren't good.

Peace <3
Jay

jlo said...

Great post, as usual. The boys in the picture are a real couple, they post videos on youtube. They are very sweet.

JiEL said...

Imagine: I'm going 63 next Nov. 3th....
So, getting a «real boyfriend» or worst, a «conjoint» is far away from being easy to do..
I'm single from a 2 years relationship with a 35yo man BUT, he cheated on me twice with a 70yo man....

Now, I've no hope to find someone for me.
I'm an artiste, quite in good health and many give me 50yo because I'm totally hairless and have all my hair without grey ones....

The problem is that gay men of my age have such «twisted» lives or lives filled with so many habits that blending to them is quite difficult to do..
The other issue is that many have eyes only for the little «Colton Haynes» type of boy..
I don't really fit in the «gay scene» here in Montreal for sure...
Lot of superficial men too that think the are «super-men» but only are ordinary ones that didn't do much about their lives then chilling around, going to bars and saunas..etc..

So, your post is putting ahead a BIG issue in gay guys: they all want to have a «trophy» to show to everyone and, if they find a «nicer» one, they dump him like an consummer object...

People were created to be loved.
Things were created to be used.
The reason the world is in chaos
is because things are being loved
and people are being used.....

This is so true in gay comunity......

No more hope for me...

JoeBlow said...

Guys, I know it seems impossible to find someone when we get older, but there is still hope. If we lose hope, then it really is impossible. It might not happen, but it might. Might is the key word. Truth is, I'd love to have a commune with all of you, where we can all love and be loved and enjoy one a others company. I think we would make a beautiful, diverse and strong group together.

Just don't give up hope.

JiEL said...

Hope is no longer a word in my vocabulary for many years now...
But, never know, a miracle can always happen...
If you believe in Santa Claus or Jesus or.... or...

My luck is that I have many VERY good friends and we apreciate each other in many ways and some are caring for me as well as I care for them too..

Pier Roberto Giannelli said...

As always, a beautiful and thoughtful post. Thanks again.

David Jeffreys said...

What the young gay crowd can't contemplate is that they will also be OLD one day and wonder where the years went. Like you said, Joe, age or race, etc. should not matter. My best relationships have been and are with someone my own age. My only regret is that Barry and I have not spent our entire lives together, instead of just our retirement years.

Adon said...

As an older married man I struggled to come to grips with my latent sexual identity. One of the first things I noticed when I started "studying" the nature of homosexuality and how I fit in was that older guys were considered and termed as "creepy". At the time I was in my early 50's. It wasn't very encouraging or uplifting. I often wonder how these young sensual guys are going to cope with their own age related changes.