Moment of Zen: HRH

With my headaches these last few days, my moments of Zen have all included my cat, HRH.  She is a wonderful companion who knows how to comfort me in my time of pain.  There are few things as comfortable as cuddling with a kitty, unless it it cuddling with a cute guy like in these photos.

All photos in this post are from Cute Boys with Cats

Pain

I tend to have a high tolerance for pain.  Mainly, it's because I've suffered with headaches my entire life.  Rarely does a day go by when I don't have a headache at some point.  I've learned to deal with it and suffer through the pain.  Most of the time a pain reliever helps; sometimes nothing does.  I've have taken numerous medicines throughout my life to try and prevent having headaches, but nothing has ever been effective.  Some have had bad aide effects, such as when a doctor prescribed Elavil (amitriptyline).  It gave me night terrors.  Another was Ativan (lorazepam) is supposed to be a short term drug; usually its recommended that someone should not for longer than 3-6 months.  If used for long periods of time, it causes severe depression.  I was a teenager when I took this drug and was on it for over a year.  Some of the severe side effects include confusion, depressed mood, thoughts of suicide or hurting yourself;.  Not only did it not help my headaches, but it also caused severe depression.  Combine the side effects of Ativan and a teenager confused about his sexuality, and you have a dangerous mix.  It was during this time that I attempted suicide.  I was 16 at the time.  

I'm writing this because I was thinking last night of my problems with headaches.  Sinus headaches, tension headaches, cluster headaches, and migraines all have afflicted me through my life.  What I take for my headaches depends on what type it is.  Sometimes nothing helps. Medicine may lessen the pain, but not make it go away.  Beginning Wednesday night before I went to bed, my head began to hurt.  I took something and went to sleep.  I woke with a headache the next morning, and I knew it would be a bad one.  It was one of those that hurt all over, especially behind my eyes and the back of my head.  This was also a headache that came with nausea, photophobia, phonophobia, and lightheadedness.  Thankfully, these types of headaches, which is generally a mixture of migraine and tension headaches, only happen 2-3 days out of a year.  However, when they do occur, they are quite incapacitating.  I stayed in bed most of the day yesterday and took the strongest pain medicine I had.  It barely fazed it. My headache finally seemed to ease some last night as I went to bed, but came back with a vengeance around 4:30 am.  I'm hoping that it gets better as the day goes on.

HRH, my cat, gave me some comfort.  She has been lying down beside me and keeps patting my head with her paw.  After 15 years, she knows when I have a headache.  I'm sure there is a mixture of genetic, physical, and psychological reasons for my headaches.  I've had them for as long as I can remember.  Maybe one day, they will either stop or they will find some kind of preventive measure that works.  I hope each of you are some of the blessed people who never suffer from headaches, and if you do suffer from headaches, I hope that it is infrequently.  I assume that most people who have some type of chronic condition learns to deal with it in the best way they can, as I have learned to deal with my headaches.

EAT! DRINK! BE MARY!: TMI Questions from Sean

I am not a huge drinker. I am a social drinker more than anything, but my friends tend to consume two or three drinks for each of mine. I especially don't drink around people who I'm not out to or feel comfortable around because I tend to lose my inhibitions and am a lot gayer. However, when I saw this post from Sean at Just A Jeep Guy, I couldn't resist adding my two cents. I love these TMI questions when it's something I can relate to. So here goes:

1. Cocktails at brunch: Bloody Mary or Mimosa? Bloody Mary during cold weather, and Mimosas if it is hot outside. Both are pretty fantastic drinks if made right, but too cheap of a champagne can ruin a Mimosa and its easy to make a bad Bloody Mary if you don't know what you're doing.

 2. Do you have a favorite food/drink pairing? A good Pinot Grigio with Veal Scallopini (or Scaloppini al Vino) or linguini with clams in a white wine sauce. Of course, you can never go wrong with beer and pizza. Also a favorite is Lazy Magnolia's (a Mississippi brewery) Southern Pecan Nut Brown Ale with pecan crusted chicken is a great pairing.

 3. Beer? Wine? or Cocktails? Why? Beer or Mike's Hard Lemonade on a hot day hanging out with friends. White wine when it's a more formal event. Cocktails, particularly a margarita or cape cod when out at a bar, unless I don't want to spend much money, then it's then it's Bud Light.

 4. Red wine or white wine? White wine. I can't stand red wine.

 5. Tell me about the hard stuff. Nothing beats Tito's Handmade Vodka. It's a wonderful smooth tasting vodka, and it always gives me lovely dreams.

 6. Cigars? No, I've tried to smoke them, but I hate them for two reasons: 1) they smell like burning dog shit, and 2) I can't get the taste out of my mouth the next day.

 7. When was the last time you were hungover? Worst hangover? It's been several months since I've had a hangover, but the worst lasted about 3 days. I do my best not to drink enough to have a hangover. It was due to mixing alcohols. I keep with one type of alcohol a night, so that I want get sick. I can't mix liquor and beer or change the beer I am drinking or drink more than one type of liquor.

 8. Best hangover cure. Before I go to bed, I take three-four ibuprofen (depending on how much I had to drink) and a full glass of water. I usually don't have a hangover if I do this.

 9. Craziest/baddest thing you did when you had too much? Did you remember it or did your friends inform you? Make it a fun one! Ok, this might break some illusions some of you have about me, but several years ago, I got really drunk in New Orleans and gave a go-go dancer a blowjob while he was dancing on the bar. I remember it quite well. I am cursed/blessed with remembering everything when I've been drinking. It was slutty and a hell of a lot of fun at the time. And yes, I'd do it again if given the chance, lol.

BONUS Are you a cheap date? How many drinks does it take you get you into bed? Yep, I'm probably a cheap date, especially if tequila is involved. Tequila makes me horny, and I am not one to drink a whole lot, so yeah, I'm a cheap date. If on a date I am unlikely to drink more than two or three drinks. If out with friends, I rarely drink more than the equivalent to a six pack of beer.

 So there you have it. My TMI questions about booze.

Travels and Travails

I had mentioned on Monday that I would blog about my weekend trip.  This was not one of my best vacations, but it wasn't a vacation for me.  I was going as the driver.  My aunt, who is near my age and, incidentally, my roommate (she's more like a big sister thank an aunt).  Anyway, a few months ago, we got tickets to see Luke Bryan in concert in Birmingham.  That was how the plan for this trip started.  We were going to take my aunt's former foster daughter (aka M) to the concert. (My aunt was given custody of her for about two years because the girls parents had major drug problems, but when they got mostly straitened out, the courts gave her back to her parents.  My aunt is still a very important part of her life, and they, hopefully, will always be part of each others lives.)

M rarely ever gets to go anywhere or do anything unless my aunt takes her.  Sadly since going back with her parents several years ago, she is the grown-up in the household, even though she is 15.  So my aunt does her best to make sure she has what she needs and is able to have some sort of a normal life. This is why we were taking her to the concert.  She loves Luke Bryan.

There is a fair amount of backstory to this trip, so stay with me.

Add to this that my aunt is a big fan of "Duck Dynasty" on A&E, especially of Jace Roberts.  The shows funny, but I don't get her obsession.  Anyway, Jace was scheduled to be in Huntsville at a hunting and fishing expo Friday.  Since we were going to be in Birmingham on Thursday and Huntsville is only an hour and a half to two hours away, my aunt wanted to go see him.  So a trip to Huntsville was added on to the Thursday night concert. 

Well, Huntsville is only two hours from Nashville.  My aunt has wanted to go back to Nashville, and it was an opportunity to take M on a short vacation to a place her parents would never take her, so two days in Nashville were added to the trip.  My aunt took me to Nashville when I was a kid, so I was game to go back. We had not gone to the Parthenon when we had gone before, and this was somewhere I wanted to go.  Also, the Country Music Hall of Fame had moved to a new home and it would also be nice to tour.

To say the least, M was extremely excited about going, and even though I didn't have the money to go, my aunt convinced me that it would cost very little.  She was paying for the hotels and gas, if I would drive. All I had to pay for was food (and we were planning on picnicking as much as possible) and admission to museums that we went to visit (they were relatively inexpensive).  I figured I could afford this.  However, some unexpected expenses came up, and my money was gone.  Since I am a teacher who makes very little money, and in January 2013, I lost my second job that supplemented my income, I am struggling financially.  Being poor sucks.  In this current economy, keeping one job is hard enough, finding a second is nearly impossible.  So when some unexpected expense comes up, it can be a big problem.  It seems like, I can no longer keep my head above water.  My "guardian accountant," and he know who he is, says that it will take time for things to get better.  I hope that's true.  Anyway, I'm off topic.  With M's excitement, I couldn't back out and disappoint her, I would just have to make the best of it.

I knew things were not going to be good when a deposit I made into my account did not post like it should have.  Next, I got a speeding ticket going through Montgomery on the way to the concert.  I don't understand how, since my cruise control was set on 65 mph, the speed limit, and the state trooper, aka officer asshole, said he clocked me going 85 mph in a 65 mph speed zone.  What he clocked was the gray Ford Fusion that was passing me, or one of the other dozens of cars passing me, instead of my gray Ford Focus.  I tried to explain this to him, but he called me a liar.  I made the mistake of putting on my brakes and trying to move over when I saw an emergency vehicle (just as the law in Alabama says to do).  Now add to no money, I now have a speeding ticket to pay for.  Things were not starting out well.

The concert was outdoors at the Oak Mountain Amphitheater, and it was hotter than Hell, as Alabama summers are wont to be.  Florida-Georgia Line performed first, and were not very good in concert.  Thompson Square, however, was far better than I had expected.  Luke Bryan was smokin' hot, a lot of fun to watch, and put on a great concert.  So that was at least one thing that went well.

On to Huntsville.  First let me say, I am not big on hunting and fishing expos, so I was not looking forward to this.  We waited over an hour to get in and then the line to see Jace Robertson was quite long and he was not even going to start sign autographs for two more hours.  I left M and my aunt in line while I went to to check out the expo. Compared to the Buckmasters Expo in Montgomery, where I have taken my niece several times to see the guys from Swamp People (she's 5, and it's her favorite show), the fishing and hunting expo in Huntsville was pretty crappy.  I was able to go around the whole thing four times in two hours.  After which I decided to take a seat and wait to hear Jace's seminar.  I knew it would be partly about hunting and partly about his faith.  The Robertsons are members of the Churches of Christ, most of them are ordained ministers.  I figured it would be an I greeting talk, and I got a fantastic seat.  My aunt and M got their autographs and came over to where I was.  Since my aunt is such a big fan of Jace, I gave her my seat and took M to show her around the Expo.

Once all of that was over with, we headed to Nashville.  Apparently, the reviews of our Nashville hotel were all lies.  The place was comfortable, but it sat behind a liquor store and there was a big ugly black drag queen screaming in the parking lot.  First appearances what they are, the hotel didn't turn out so badly.  We had a pretty good day in Nashville, and things started looking up.  We went to Music Row, the Country Music Hall of Fame, saw the Parthenon and Centennial Park, then went to the Opry Mills Mall that used to be Opryland.  We had planned on touring the Opryland Hotel, but they now charge $20 for parking, so we opted out of that.  At Opry Mills, we ate at the Aquarium Restaurant, which has great food and great atmosphere.  I had eaten at one in Houston before.  M loved it.  It was like going to an aquarium and a nice restaurant all in one for her.  Two things she's never gotten to do before. It was a trip of firsts for her.

On the way home on Sunday, we had to more stops we decided to make, because we would be driving by them and since M had never seen them, it seemed like a good idea.    The first stop was the Ave Maria Grotto in Cullman, Alabama.  Known as "Jerusalem in Miniature," Ave Maria Grotto is a beautifully landscaped, four-acre park designed to provide a natural setting for the 125 miniature reproductions of some of the most famous historic buildings and shrines of the world. The masterpieces of stone and concrete are the lifetime work of Brother Joseph Zoettl, a Benedictine monk of St. Bernard Abbey. Begun as a hobby, with various materials he could find, and infinite patience and a remarkable sense of symmetry and proportion, Brother Joseph re-created some of the greatest edifices of all time.  It is definitely something that if you have the chance, you should see, even if it is like a little tacky roadside attraction.

The next stop was in Birmingham at the Vulcan.  The Vulcan statue is the largest cast iron statue in the world, and is the city symbol of Birmingham, Alabama, reflecting its roots in the iron and steel industry. The 56-foot tall statue depicts the Roman god Vulcan, god of the fire and forge.  I had not seen the statue up close in years.  Since I had last seen it, the statue had been restored to its original condition.  The restoration and the new visitors center are really nice.

With the exception of the lack of funds and the speeding ticket, the trip actually turned out to be very nice.  The only thing I regret, and I just didn't have the finances for it, was that I would have loved to enjoy some of e famous nightlife in Nashville.  Oh well, that will have to be for another trip.

Excelsior

Excelsior

by Walt Whitman

Who has gone farthest? for I would go farther,

And who has been just? for I would be the most just person of the

   earth,

And who most cautious? for I would be more cautious,

And who has been happiest? O I think it is I--I think no one was ever

   happier than I,

And who has lavish'd all? for I lavish constantly the best I have,

And who proudest? for I think I have reason to be the proudest son

   alive--for I am the son of the brawny and tall-topt city,

And who has been bold and true? for I would be the boldest and truest

   being of the universe,

And who benevolent? for I would show more benevolence than all the

   rest,

And who has receiv'd the love of the most friends? for I know what it
      is to receive the passionate love of many friends,

And who possesses a perfect and enamour'd body? for I do not believe

   any one possesses a more perfect or enamour'd body than mine,

And who thinks the amplest thoughts? for I would surround those

   thoughts,

And who has made hymns fit for the earth? for I am mad with 

About This Poem

Excelsior is a Latin term meaning "ever upward"; it is the official motto of the State of New York. A slightly different version of this poem first appeared as "Poem of the Heart of the Son of Manhattan Island" in the second edition of Leaves of Grass.

Walt Whitman was born in Huntington, New York, on May 31, 1819. He is best known for Leaves of Grass, a prodigious collection of poetry that he continually revised for most of his life. Whitman died in 1892.  He is one of America's most celebrated gay poets.

Bigotry, Biscuits and Gravy: Being Queer Below The Mason-Dixon Line | Thought Catalog

I had planned on giving you guys an update on my weekend and how my quick trip to Nashville with my aunt and her former foster daughter went, but by the time I got home, I was exhausted, especially since I had done all of the driving.  So that will have to wait until Wednesday's post.

Anyway, I came across this on Thought Catalog and wanted to share it with you guys.  I found it pretty interesting.  The post was originally published on Gay Voices at the Huffington Post.  "Bigotry, Biscuits and Gravy: Being Queer Below The Mason-Dixon Line" was written by Sarah Beauchamp, a writer, editor, and drag queen enthusiast living in Brooklyn. While her full-time job is being an editor at PCMA Convene, an international publication for event professionals, she blogs about queer culture and entertainment at her website freelanceginger.com. Her work has also appeared in O, The Oprah Magazine.

Bigotry, Biscuits and Gravy: Being Queer Below The Mason-Dixon Line

When my friend, Cincinnati-based photographer Christian Hendricks, said he'd heard from several queer people in small cities along the Bible Belt — like Starkville, Miss., and Murfreesboro, Tenn. — who were eager to be involved in his upcoming project, South of the Ohio: A Queer Photo Documentary, a piece that will capture gay life in the American South, I immediately assumed that they wanted to air their grievances through his lens.

Credit: Christian Hendricks

"It's funny: You would think that that's the response," Hendricks said. "Actually, a lot of people were like, 'Gay culture is thriving down here. We're not this completely marginalized group of people. We have our own sense of pride. It's just a different region. We're not any different from gays in L.A. or New York just because we don't have a city.'"

Credit: Christian Hendricks

Though I'm not so ignorant to believe that one absolutely needs an urban area to be comfortably queer, it does make me wonder what LGBT pride looks like in areas that are so heavily influenced by religion, or areas that are so isolated from queer culture that the nearest gay bar is two-plus hours away.

Credit: Christian Hendricks

These are the same questions that will take Hendricks below the Mason-Dixon Line for a six-week journey this August. After raising funds on Kickstarter, he'll head south with his camera to discover where the stereotypes of intolerance are true (one person he's already spoken with in northeast Mississippi said that nearly every gay person in his town is in the closet) and where acceptance and Southern hospitality prevail. But more importantly, being a portrait photographer, he wants to get to know these people as individuals and show that the South is more than just bigotry, biscuits and gravy.

Credit: Christian Hendricks

He'll begin his journey in Cincinnati, just north of the Ohio River — a gateway to the American South — and head toward New Orleans. Along the way, he'll visit major cities like Nashville and Atlanta, but he would like to focus more on the smaller, more rural towns. He's been using the gay-dating app Grindr to find gay men in more isolated, and seemingly less tolerant, areas who'd like to be involved in the documentary. "I focused on northeastern Mississippi," he said, "because that's where the largest cluster of Southern Baptist churches is in the South, so I took that as a signifier that that would be one of the most conservative areas that I could visit."

Credit: Christian Hendricks

He was originally curious about gay culture in the South after living for a few months in 2009 in Gallatin, Tenn., where he was rebuilding houses with Aid for the World. "My experiences there were definitely part of what triggered me wanting to go back to the South," he said. "Seeing Bible quotes written on minivans — it's a little bit different from being in the North. The effect of religion down there is stronger."

Caption: Christian Hendricks

Hendricks wants his photographs to capture people in their own environments, their homes and neighborhoods. If they are (or were raised) religious, he'd like to photograph them at the place where they were baptized, to "display the tension between religion and sexuality and identity." And for those of you who are frustrated by mainstream media often portraying "LGBT" as "white homosexual males," Hendricks will give just as much attention to lesbians and transgender people as he does gay men.

Credit: Christian Hendricks

In addition to portraits, Hendricks, who also works with video — including for the AIDS/LifeCycle fundraiser — plans to film interviews with his subjects. He'd also like to plan his trip so that he can arrive in New Orleans during Southern Decadence, "the big gay Mardi Gras." When he's all finished, he's going to head home to compile a book of his photographs for publication.

Credit: Christian Hendricks

Despite all his preliminary research and having spent some time in the South himself, Hendricks still doesn't know what to expect. "That's what's exciting for me," he said. "I don't' know what I'm going to get. And I don't really want to know either. It's going to be completely about exploration and watching how these photographs will manifest into a series." 

Boasting About Tomorrow

Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit"-yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.

James 4:13-17

There is so much depth to these five verses. In the big picture, do we include God in all of our plans? Do we include him in our career or educational plans? Do we pray about the path He wants us to take?  When we make plans and exclude God, no matter what the plans are, it is as if we are boasting in our own abilities.

Verses 13 and 14 refer to making future plans for prosperity without consulting God. Even if the plans are honorable and righteous, God may have other ideas. Our lives are but a blink of God's eye, "a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes." God wants us to consult with Him for all plans.

I plan ahead.  If I do not have the next step or two thought out before I get to them, I feel behind and unorganized.  However, God does not work this way.  Ever since I gave Him full rights to my life, I cannot seem to plan anything too far in advance.  He is the ultimate schedule shifter.  James notes, "you do not know what tomorrow will bring."  I have to remind myself of this.  Life throws sudden changes at you.  Yes, I still plan ahead to the best of my ability, but I now make flexible plans instead of rigid ones.  This is one way I submit my life to God, by giving Him free reign to jumble my schedule.  In the end, I trust God has a better idea of what I should do with my life than I do since He sees the entire picture.

I remind myself that God has a plan for me in my prayers.  I begin by asking God to forgive me of my sins, then I ask Him to guide me down the path He has chosen for me before asking Him to bless my family and friends.  I pray for guidance down the path God has chosen for me, because I know it is not an easy path.  In Matthew 7:13-14, Jesus says, "Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many.  For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few."

I've learned to use verse 15 in all planning. "If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that." There is so much each of us wants to do with what time we have left in our lives, right? Personally, I would love to travel to Europe again, write a book, get in better shape, and be healthier. With each thing I want do to, I pray about it and say, "Lord, if it is Your will that I do this, then I will do it."

Psalm 37:4 states: Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. This is a Scripture of hope.  We think, "I love the Lord and so He will give me whatever my heart desires." That sounds great and all, but what about this:  if we love the Lord and become very close and intimate with Him, very soon His desires become the desire of our hearts. Ask the Lord if your desire is His will and you may find that His will truly becomes your desire.

Verses 16-17 remind us that boasting in our arrogance is evil, and goes on to say that if we know the right thing to do and fail to do it, we are sinning.  If the Lord places something upon your heart, and you do something else instead, verse 17 tells us that it is sin.  In 2 Corinthians 1:12, Paul writes, "For our boast is this, the testimony of our conscience, that we behaved in the world with simplicity and godly sincerity, not by earthly wisdom but by the grace of God, and supremely so toward you."

Boast in the Lord and proclaim to everyone: "My God has blessed me abundantly, and He directs my path."  In Matthew 5:6, Jesus said: "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled." There is satisfaction in doing God's will. To actually do good is filling food. The more we eat the keener our appetite becomes. Dissatisfaction is a sure sign that we are not eagerly doing the will of God. It is a symptom of spiritual immaturity. The only way to discover the point of Christ's teaching is to practice it. The only way to godly contentment is to hunger and thirst after righteousness.

Moment of Zen: Boat Books

Who Dat Whodunnit

Who Dat Whodunnit continues the Scott Bradley series. No longer a go-go boy in the French Quarter but still involved in an unorthodox relationship even by gay standards, he is now a professional investigator in business with with his two partners. I thought I had this one figured out, but, by the end of the book I found I couldn't have been more off base. This is yet another great mystery by my favorite author Greg Herren.  Easy reading, great plot development, familiar characters that feel like old friends, so if you've read the Scotty Bradley Mysteries, and I suggest you read them in order, you will love this one.  If you are a long-time fan of the New Orleans Saints, like I am, then you will absolutely love this book, which is part homage to the Saints' Super Bowl victory.

The Saints’ victory in the playoffs and a ticket to the Super Bowl just prior to the start of Carnival season has everyone in New Orleans floating on Cloud Nine. But for Scotty Bradley, Carnival looks like it’s going to be grim yet again when his estranged cousin Jared—who plays for the Saints—becomes the number one suspect in the murder of his girlfriend, dethroned former Miss Louisiana Tara Bourgeouis. Scotty’s not entirely convinced his cousin isn’t the killer, but when he starts digging around into the homophobic beauty queen’s sordid life, he finds that any number of people wanted her dead. With the help of his friends and family, he plunges deeper and deeper into Tara’s tawdry world of sex tapes, fundamentalist fascists, and mind-boggling secrets—secrets some are willing to kill to keep! 

Do You Need A Rounder Bum?

A few weeks ago, I received an email from a representative of Rounderbum Underwear.  The rep asked if she could send me a pair of Rounderbum underwear to try out and write a review of them.  First of all, I have to admit that I almost have a fetish for underwear.  Whether anyone else thinks a pair of underwear looks good on me, it is definitely an ego boost when I put on a sexy pair of underwear.  They just make me feel better. Also, i have always wanted to try a pair of butt enhancing underwear to see if it would actually work and make my rather flat behind look rounder.  So, when I was contacted by Rounderbum, I said that I would love to test out their underwear and write a review.

First, a little bit about Rounderbum.  With a growing trend of men who take care of their appearance, Rounderbum created a men's line specially for those who want to look more attractive, athletic and are in need of body enhancing underwear. 

Rounderbum uses hidden padding made of flexible polyurethane that conforms to every body shape in some styles. Other styles utilize hidden bands of technology that lifts with a more subtle and discreet effect. Whether padding or hidden bands are used, Rounderbum's cutting edge design is carefully made by a patented manufacturing technology that blends discretely with the body. 

I chose the ROUNDERBUM BASIC PADDED TRUNK to give a try.  They have a modern and low cut design that gives more volume and a rounder shape to the glutes. Since I have always had a small butt and was looking for something natural-looking, this product seemed to suit the purpose I was looking for. This product is pretty amazing! You can wear anything and nobody would ever know that you have pads, even if they were to grab you! LOL! I was pleased with the results.  They did provide me with a beefier behind and were extremely comfortable.  It was definitely worth the experience.