Prospects

I'm glad to be home, but only because I hate the flying.  I would truly love to live in this area that I visited.  The scenery is spectacular.  I would say that 90 percent of the men under 50 range from good looking to stunningly handsome.  The guys at the university, where the museum is located, are all stunning and very fit.  I believe it when they say that this is the healthiest state in the country.  Oh yeah, and the landscape is beyond gorgeous: mountains and streams and lakes everywhere.  While everyone tells me that the winters are brutal, everyone also said that the beauty of the autumn there makes the winters worth it.

Everyone I met, from people at the university to strangers in the various towns they took me to visit, were extremely nice.  Honestly, there were only three main differences I saw between this place and the South:  we have six months of summer, they have six months of winter; very few big box stores or fast food places (I never saw a fast food place, but was told there was a McDonald's somewhere nearby); and the politics are the polar opposite of Alabama.  The winters worry me, but unlike some southerners, it doesn't frighten me away.  The other two things, I find to be wonderfully attractive.

While I know they are still interviewing people, each of the people at the museum told me separately how much they like me and enjoyed their time with me and that they would love to see me become an addition to the team.  I was told that the subject of my master's degree really set me apart from the other candidates.  No one knows what the director is thinking (she likes to remain neutral through the process), and she will ultimately be the one to decide, but it appears that she likes me as well.  I had two long conversations with her and both went very well.

While everything sound and looks good, nobody really knows what will happen in the next week.  There may be an exceptional candidate who has skills that shine more than mine do; however, they know that with me they will get a two for one deal.  Not only can I perform the major task of the job, but my particular background in history (among other expertise) will be useful in the museum itself.

On My Way Home

I received nothing but good feedback from the group who interviewed me. They will not make a decision though until next week.  They have two more interviews, but I've been told by several that they really like me and were very impressed with my credentials.  They continued to spend most of the time trying to convince me that I want the job.  I'm already convinced.  I was trying to convince them to hire me.  So I hope I did convince them that they want me, and I want to be there.

If it is in the morning when you read this, I am probably in an airplane flying home.  I hope it's an airplane more sturdy than the paper airplanes in the picture.

Exhausted but Good

I was very tired as I wrote this last night.  It had been a whirlwind day.  I had been put up the night before at a hotel near the airport and brought down to the museum/campus in the morning.  I was given a tour of the museum and the campus and then lunch.  After the lunch was the formal interview, though I wouldn't call it too formal. The people at the museum are very informal, and it makes for a relaxing atmosphere.  After the interview, I was given a tour of the surrounding area.  I really love this area.  It's very funky cool (that's the only way I can describe it). After touring a few places, we met for dinner, which was excellent.  The president of the museum board had dinner with us and I can't say this enough, everyone was so nice and relaxed.  There was a lot of laughing and friendliness.  Then I came back to the bed and breakfast that I'm staying in so I could relax.  I will go to the museum this morning after breakfast, but I'm not sure what today's agenda will be.  I was only told that we'd work out some of the details.  I'm really hoping that they can tell me today whether or not I'm hired, though they may wait until I am home for that.  I think though that today will probably be an easy day.

The Stripling

The Stripling
Dante Micheaux

1 Samuel 17:56

The field soldiers remember the triumph,
a lithe boy’s naal on the head of giant,
before the king rode through the ranks
to inquire about his parentage or the prince
had him bathed, his hair scented with sweet herbs.

After the crowds dwindled, because neither
one’s cunning nor the adulation of the victorious
are nourishment, and the battle, having made him
hungry, alone and in silence, the boy
slowly ate the brain of the giant.

A stripling, to tell the truth, the boy grew—
mad with the taste—savored the giant brain
and learned its ways, became a giant,
begat giants, who craved and ate all
the people in the land, except their own.

About This Poem

“‘The Stripling’ is the marriage of a thematic obsession with beautiful boys (in this case, the youthful, ruddy and handsome David) and history’s tendency to perpetually recast the underdog and the favorite in its oldest stories.”—Dante Micheaux

Dante Micheaux is the author of Amorous Shepherd (Sheep Meadow Press, 2010). He is completing a study on literary influence and sexuality. He lives in London.

I Arrived

I survived the flights up here.  I hate to fly.  My first flight was rough, but then I took more Xanax an made the second one ok.  I'll be shown around in the morning, then interview in the afternoon.  Off to bed.  Goodnight all.

Flying Out

Time got away from me yesterday because I was packing and making sure I had everything I would need for the next few days.  I pray that I have packed everything.  While the guys above look very sexy, I made sure that I packed pants socks and shoes as well.  Well, actually I packed two suits and then two casual outfits, just not as casual as the ones above.

I'm nervous, but that's to be expected.  I'm hoping that all goes well and that I didn't forget anything.  I'll fly out this afternoon and arrive sometime tomorrow night, then be driven down to the hotel near the college.  I'm not exactly sure what to expect Tuesday and Wednesday, except that I will be spending that time with the museum staff.

I'm scheduling today's post and I will schedule tomorrow's.  I will try to post on Wednesday and Thursday if time permits, though I suspect they will be short posts.  Wish me luck and please continue to pray.  Thank you all for your love, support, and advice.  I have the best group of readers out there.

Deo Volente

Do not boast about tomorrow,    for you do not know what a day may bring.—Proverbs 27:1

Deo volente was often used in conjunction with a signature at the end of letters and was used in order to signify that "God willing" this letter will get to you safely and/or "God willing" the contents of this letter come true. As an abbreviation (simply "D.V.") it is often found in personal letters (in English) of the early 1900s, employed to generally and piously qualify a given statement about a future planned action, that it will be carried out, so long as God wills.  It was used because James 4:13-15 seems to suggest this way of speaking:

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a town and spend a year there, doing business and making money.” Yet you do not even know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wishes, we will live and do this or that.” —James 4:13-15

There is so much depth to James 4:13-17 to remind us of just what God wills. In the big picture, do we include God in all of our plans? Do we include Him in our career or educational plans? Do we pray about the path He wants us to take?  When we make plans and exclude God, no matter what the plans are, it is as if we are boasting in our own abilities.

James chapter 4, verses 13 and 14 refer to making future plans for prosperity without consulting God. Even if the plans are honorable and righteous, God may have other ideas. Our lives are but a blink of God's eye, "a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes." God wants us to consult with Him for all plans.

I plan ahead.  If I do not have the next step or two thought out before I get to them, I feel behind and unorganized.  However, God does not work this way.  Ever since I gave Him full rights to my life, I cannot seem to plan anything too far in advance.  He is the ultimate schedule shifter.  James notes, "you do not know what tomorrow will bring."  I have to remind myself of this.  Life throws sudden changes at you.  Yes, I still plan ahead to the best of my ability, but I now make flexible plans instead of rigid ones.  This is one way I submit my life to God, by giving Him free reign to jumble my schedule.  In the end, I trust God has a better idea of what I should do with my life than I do since He sees the entire picture.

I remind myself that God has a plan for me in my prayers.  I begin by asking God to forgive me of my sins, then I ask Him to guide me down the path He has chosen for me before asking Him to bless my family and friends.  I pray for guidance down the path God has chosen for me, because I know it is not an easy path.  In Matthew 7:13-14, Jesus says, "Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many.  For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few."

I've learned to use verse 15 in all planning. "If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that." There is so much each of us wants to do with what time we have left in our lives, right? Personally, I want to get a good job, travel to Europe again, write a book, get in better shape, and be healthier. With each thing I want do to, I pray about it and say, "Lord, if it is Your will that I do this, then I will do it."

Psalm 37:4 states: "Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart." This is a Scripture of hope.  We think, "I love the Lord and so He will give me whatever my heart desires." That sounds great and all, but what about this:  if we love the Lord and become very close and intimate with Him, very soon His desires become the desire of our hearts. Ask the Lord if your desire is His will and you may find that His will truly becomes your desire.

Tomorrow, I am supposed to travel for a job interview.  “If the Lord wishes” has been something that has run through my mind a lot the last few weeks.  Whether I get this job or not, I know that it is God’s will.  Sometimes our ambitions can rob us. We can become so enmeshed with what tomorrow can bring that we don’t fully engage with what is in front of us today. But the Bible tells us that our current actions are important to God. The things that you pay attention to now will have great impact upon your tomorrow, so don’t daydream about what could happen—be fully present with what you are doing today.  I have been trying to do that as I prepare for this interview and trip.  I know that I just do my part, but the outcome will be the Will of God.

Moment of Zen: Sleeping In

If all goes well this next week, today may be my last day to sleep in.

So Much to Do...

There is so much to do and so little time left before I leave on Monday. I know I will get it done in time and be prepared, but it doesn't mean that I'm not a little frantic right now. This is going to be a short post because I wrote this last night, and I wanted to go to sleep and not worry about all the things that I still need to do.

Also, this is a sad day.  Not only is the anniversary of 9/11, but also because a year ago, I lost my precious HRH, my cat Victoria.  I have two wonderful new cats who are just over a year old, but Victoria and I had a special bond.  We'd been together for 16 years, and I still miss her terribly.  Holding her as the life slipped out of her body was one of the most heart-wrenching moments of my life, but she was so very sick and was suffering so much.

Gaydar

I saw this on HuffPost Gay Voices and found it pretty interesting.

Is Gaydar Real?

By Rebecca Adams

Academic studies can be fascinating... and totally confusing. So we decided to strip away all of the scientific jargon and break them down for you. 

The Background

Whether or not "gaydar" -- a supposed intuitive ability to identify gay people -- is real, many people believe it's possible to tell someone's sexual orientation just by looking at them. The problem is, research (and anecdotal evidence) has found that gaydar tends to rely on stereotypical attributes -- like the way someone dresses or how they style their hair -- that don't actually tell you anything about who someone's attracted to. Gaydar, therefore, seems to legitimize these stereotypical myths, something that's been shown to lead to prejudice and oppression. Unlike other forms of stereotypes, however, gaydar has seeped it's way into popular culture, and it's considered relatively harmless and socially acceptable. 

In a new five-part study, researchers from the University of Wisconsin-Madison set out to see if what they refer to as "the gaydar myth" is as "harmless" as some people may think or if it's just a veiled method of perpetuating gay stereotypes. 

The Setup

In the first study, participants looked at pictures of 55 gay men and 50 straight men's faces selected from an online dating site. Each photo was rated for overall quality, from "very poor" to "excellent," by a set of student raters before the study. Then, the researchers randomly paired the photos with a supposed descriptive statement about the person that was either gay-stereotypic ("He likes shopping."), stereotype-neutral ("He likes to read.") or straight-stereotypic ("He likes football."). These weren't actually applicable to the men in the photos, but participants didn't know that. They were then instructed to determine whether or not the man in the photo was gay. For the second study, the researchers repeated the first study, but this time they only chose photos that were rated highest in quality from both the straight and gay men groups of photos. 

Both the first and second studies found that when participants were given stereotypically gay personal statements with photos, they were much more likely to guess that the man in the photo was gay. Meaning: The pictures didn't matter nearly as much as the stereotypes did.

The third study had participants categorize the same gay and straight men's pictures without the accompanying stereotypic statements. The researchers found that people were more likely to assume men in higher quality photos were gay -- they seemingly assumed gay men would take better photos. The fourth study replicated the third with women's photos instead of men's to see if the same was true for lesbians. Participants were unable to gauge sexual orientation simply by looking at a person's face.

Finally, the researchers did their fifth study to determine whether or not gaydar serves as a legitimizing myth for these stereotypes. They gathered 233 undergraduate participants and divided them into three groups: one that would be told that gaydar is stereotyping, one that would be told that gaydar is real and one that would be given no information regarding gaydar. Participants then completed a modified version of the first study, using the same pictures and statements. This time, however, participants could refrain from guessing the person's sexual orientation if they wanted. 

The Findings

In the final study, participants' answers depended on which group they were in. Those in the "gaydar is real" group tended to believe in gaydar more than the other groups, and people in the "gaydar is stereotyping" group believed in it less than the control group. In this final version of the study, it was easy to see that people didn't assign sexual orientation simply because they were forced to choose -- participants had a "no idea" option, yet they chose it "very infrequently," according to the study.

As the researchers put it: "The evidence provided in Study 5 indicates that the folk concept of gaydar serves as a legitimizing myth, promoting stereotyping to infer orientation by giving that stereotyping process the alternate label of 'gaydar.'" Basically, when people slap on a euphemism for stereotyping -- in this case, "gaydar" -- they feel free to judge groups of people by very limited parameters which legitimize societal myths. These findings build on past research about how stereotypes that seem plausible will likely lead to inaccurate assumptions.

The Takeaway

Taken at face value, the concept of gaydar may not seem like such a big deal, but there's one big problem with stereotyping: It often leads to inaccurate conclusions. The researchers put it in terms of the "gay men like shopping" trope. If people assume gay men like shopping, that doesn't mean that all men who like shopping are gay (or that all gay men like shopping). Not to mention, if gay men make up 1.8 percent of the male population in America, even if they're ten times more likely to enjoy shopping, men who like shopping are still more likely to be straight -- there are simply more men who identify as straight out there. 

Perhaps the researchers put it best: "Whether people fit or violate their group's stereotypes is immaterial to their value -- we would hope that, rather than being judged or pressured based on the existence of a stereotype, people can be treated as individuals and judged on their own merit." Amen.

The Closet Professor’s Conclusion

It seems to me that the study has two major flaws.  First, it assumes that gaydar is purely visual and can be determined by a picture of a face.  When my “gaydar” goes off, it's more than just a picture of a face.  It has to do with how he moves, how he talks, and basically, how he carries himself.  The most sure fire way is to watch his eyes.  If a hot guy walks by and his eyes follow, then he is probably gay, but if a hot girl walks by and his eyes follow her, then he is probably straight.  You have to watch the eyes though, because head movements can be misleading, especially for someone in the closet. 

Second, the study assumes that gaydar is something that heterosexual men possess.  While I do think that some women possess gaydar, most straight men do not.  Heterosexual men often use all kinds of bad stereotypes to identify gay men; however, gay men and some women use more subtle stereotypes to identify gay men. I do not dispute that a large part of gaydar is stereotyping, but I think gay men tend to be more careful with stereotyping and are more intuitive. Many gay men were stereotyped before they came out, so they aren't as quick to judge others unfairly.  That being said, I will postulate that wishful thinking does occasionally interferes with gaydar.

Finally, I think gaydar is possibly an evolutionary characteristic.  Gay men have always existed, but we had to find one another.  Historically, if a gay man hit on the wrong man, i.e. a straight man, then he might not survive the attempt.  Therefore, I think along with the genetic code that makes us gay, we also have the ability to find one another.  Then again, gaydar could be a complete myth built on stereotypes, but I think it is very real, some people just have better gaydar than others.  I tend to think mine is pretty good.