A Day Off

I'm taking the day off from blogging, not from work. I still have to go into work. Yesterday, I was so tired all day that I nearly dozed off a few times. So I came home and went to bed early. Hence, this is all the blogging I'm going to do for today.

Friend of Dorothy

The Wizard of Oz has been a iconic movie for gay men since it was released. Judy Garland starred in the film and connections between Garland and LGBT people include the slang term Friend of Dorothy. In gay slang, a "Friend of Dorothy" (occasionally abbreviated FOD) is a term for a gay man.The phrase dates back to at least World War II, when homosexual acts were illegal in the United States. Stating that, or asking if, someone was a "friend of Dorothy" was a euphemism used for discussing sexual orientation without others knowing its meaning. A similar term "friend of Mrs. King" (i.e. Queen) was used in England, mostly in the first half of the 20th century.

Conventional wisdom is that Garland's death and funeral, in June 1969, helped inspire the Stonewall riots, the flashpoint of the modern Gay Liberation movement. However, some observers of the riots contend that most of those involved "were not the type to moon over Judy Garland records or attend her concerts at Carnegie Hall. They were more preoccupied with where they were going to sleep and where their next meal would come from." There was certainly an awareness and appreciation of Garland among Stonewall Inn patrons. Because the bar had no liquor license, it was passed off as a bottle club and patrons were required to sign in. Many used pseudonyms and "Judy Garland" was among the most popular. Regardless of the truth of the matter, the Garland/Stonewall connection has persisted and has been fictionalized in Stonewall, Nigel Finch's feature film about the events leading up to the riots. Lead character Bostonia is shown watching Garland's funeral on television and mourning, and later refusing to silence a jukebox playing a Garland song during a police raid, declaring "Judy stays."

Time magazine would summarize decades later:

The uprising was inspirited by a potent cocktail of pent-up rage (raids of gay bars were brutal and routine), overwrought emotions (hours earlier, thousands had wept at the funeral of Judy Garland) and drugs. As a 17-year-old cross-dresser was being led into the paddy wagon and got a shove from a cop, she fought back. [She] hit the cop and was so stoned, she didn't know what she was doing—or didn't care.

Garland's daughter Lorna Luft points to the connection with pride, saying that her mother was a "huge, huge advocate of human rights" and that Garland would have found the rioting appropriate.

The phrase "Friend of Dorothy" likely derives from Garland's portrayal of Dorothy Gale in The Wizard of Oz and became a code phrase gay people used to identify each other. Dorothy's journey from Kansas to Oz mirrored many gay men’s desires to escape the black-and-white limitations of small town life...for big, colorful cities filled with quirky, gender-bending characters who would welcome them.

Another possible origin is that the term is derived from Road To Oz (1909), a sequel to the original Wonderful Wizard of Oz. The book introduces readers to Polychrome who, upon meeting Dorothy's traveling companions, exclaims "You have some queer friends, Dorothy" and she replies "The queerness doesn't matter, so long as they're friends." More commonly it is stated that "Friend of Dorothy" refers to the film The Wizard of Oz because Judy Garland, who starred as the main character Dorothy, is a gay icon.

In the film, Dorothy immediately accepts those who are different, including the Cowardly Lion. The Lion identifies himself through song as a "sissy" and exhibits stereotypically "gay" (or at least effeminate) mannerisms. The Lion offers a coded example of Garland meeting and accepting a gay man without question. In the film, Dorothy is accepting of those who are different. For example the "gentle lion" living a lie, "I'm afraid there's no denyin', I'm just a dandy lion.” Dandy has long been slang for an effeminate man or one preoccupied with fashion, such as Yankee Doodle Dandy, who "stuck a feather in his hat and called it macaroni." A macaroni was a man who returned from the Grand tour with overaffected Italian mannerisms often portrayed as effeminate and wearing makeup.

I find this little fact hilarious, though it is also quite tragic in terms of understanding the American military attitudes and understanding of gay men.  In the early 1980s, the Naval Investigative Service was investigating homosexuality in the Chicago area. Agents discovered that gay men sometimes referred to themselves as "friends of Dorothy." Unaware of the historical meaning of the term, the NIS believed that a woman named Dorothy was at the center of a massive ring of homosexual military personnel. The NIS launched an enormous hunt for Dorothy, hoping to find her and convince her to reveal the names of gay service members. Of course, they never found Dorothy.

Starting in the late 1980s, on several cruise lines, gay and lesbian passengers began approaching ship staff, asking them to publicize gatherings in the daily cruise activity list. As the cruise lines were hesitant to announce such things so blatantly in their daily publications, they would list the gathering as a "Meeting of the Friends of Dorothy". The use of this phrase likely comes from the cruise directors who were also familiar with and using the "Friends of Bill W." phrase in their programs to tell members of Alcoholics Anonymous that there were support group meetings on the trip. Such meetings have expanded in popularity and frequency over the years. Now, many cruise lines will have multiple "FOD" events, sometimes as many as one each night.

Another connection is the rainbow flag, symbol of the LGBT communities which may have been inspired, in part, by Garland's song "Over the Rainbow." Garland's performance of this song has been described as "the sound of the closet," speaking to gay men whose image "they presented in their own public lives was often at odds with a truer sense of self that mainstream society would not condone."

A Dream Within a Dream

A Dream Within a Dream

BY Edgar Allan Poe

Take this kiss upon the brow!

And, in parting from you now,

Thus much let me avow —

You are not wrong, who deem

That my days have been a dream;

Yet if hope has flown away

In a night, or in a day,

In a vision, or in none,

Is it therefore the less gone? 

All that we see or seem

Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar

Of a surf-tormented shore,

And I hold within my hand

Grains of the golden sand —

How few! yet how they creep

Through my fingers to the deep,

While I weep — while I weep!

O God! Can I not grasp

Them with a tighter clasp?

O God! can I not save

One from the pitiless wave?

Is all that we see or seem

But a dream within a dream?

"A Dream Within a Dream" is a poem written by Edgar Allan Poe, first published in 1849. The poem is 24 lines, divided into two stanzas. The poem questions the way one can distinguish between reality and fantasy, asking, "Is all that we see or seem but a dream within a dream?"

The poem dramatizes a confusion in watching the important things in life slip away. Realizing he cannot hold on to even one grain of sand leads to his final question that all things are a dream. The poem references "golden sand," an image derived from the 1848 finding of gold in California.

In 1827, Poe enlisted in the U.S. Army under the name "Edgar A. Perry." He did well as a soldier, rising to the rank of sergeant major. He also continued to write. A book of his poetry was published anonymously (the author being listed only as "A Bostonian"). In April 1829, he entered the U.S. Military Academy at West Point. A few months later, he published his second book of poetry, Al Aaraaf, Tamerlane and Minor Poems. 

Poe soon realized that West Point wasn't for him. He decided to get himself kicked out of school, which he successfully accomplished by refusing to attend chapel or classes. Poe tried hard to get kicked out of West Point, and in 1831, he succeeded. Rumor is that the final straw came when he reported for drill wearing belts for his cartridges, a smile and nothing else. While officially, he was court martialed on “Charge 1 . . . Gross neglect of Duty” and “Charge 2 . . . Disobedience of Orders.” He was court-martialed and dismissed. "The army does not suit a poor man — so I left W. Point abruptly," he later wrote, "and threw myself upon literature as a resource. I became first known to the literary world thus." Poe published several anonymous short stories plus another book of poems. Almost immediately after he left West Point, his brother Henry died of tuberculosis.

Poe began (and finished) his career as a starving writer. Though John Allan had remarried a wealthy woman, he refused to support his foster son, who was constantly asking for money. "It has now been more than two years since you have assisted me, and more than three since you have spoken to me," Poe wrote in his final letter to his foster father in 1833. "If you will only consider in what a situation I am placed you will surely pity me — without friends, without any means, consequently of obtaining employment, I am perishing — absolutely perishing for want of aid. . . . For God's sake pity me, and save me from destruction.” John Allan did not respond. And when he died on 27 March 1834, Allan omitted his adopted son from his will entirely.

I used Edgar Allan Poe today, because yesterday and today, I spent touring West Point as my job and to my knowledge, Poe was the most famous poet to attend West Point.

Pat Conroy

Saturday night, I sat in my car and cried as I listened to NPR.  Pat Conroy, the beloved author of The Great Santini, The Lords of Discipline and The Prince of Tides, has died. Conroy — who announced last month that he had pancreatic cancer — died Friday night at his home among his family in Beaufort, S.C. He was 70 years old. Conroy was a wonderful storyteller. It’s not because of his writing ability that I was so sad about his death, but because one of my best memories of my mother is associated with Conroy.

Back when I was still an undergraduate, he came and spoke at my college. I took my mother to see him, since he was one of the great southern writers of the time. Back then, before I came out, my mother and I had a great relationship. I’m still her cultured child, and we enjoyed events like this. But it isn’t just going to the event with my mother, but the fact that the main thing he talked about was how much he loved his mother.

I remember how proud I was that I was there with my mother. It’s one of my fondest memories of her. As a child, she would sing to my sister and me. When a song came on the radio or on TV we would often dance.  It was through her that I learned to dance. I love my mama, even if we don’t agree about my sexuality. No matter what my mother and I have as differences today, that night with Pat Conroy was one of the most special of my life.

Pat Conroy was a master storyteller, blending the raw material of his difficult family life with the landscape of coastal South Carolina. In 1986, Conroy said that the reason he wrote was to explain his own life to himself. "Writing has been not therapeutic for me, but it has been essential," he said in an interview for NPR's Morning Edition. "I have written about my mother, my father, my family ... and if I get it on paper, I have named the demon."

Pat Conroy was born in 1945 in Atlanta. He was a self-described "military brat." His family moved every year until they settled in Beaufort when he was 12. In his 1976 book The Great Santini, Conroy wrote about his relationship with his abusive father, a Marine aviator. After high school, Pat Conroy's father sent his oldest son to The Citadel, Charleston's storied military academy, where Pat began to write fiction. Conroy said his natural storytelling ability was never affected by literary theory. "I missed all the classes in the art of fiction," Conroy said in 1986. "We didn't have any. I'm great on military science. But I missed all the classes on 'Is this a great technique for fiction?' I never learned any of that stuff."

His education as a writer came elsewhere. "I came from a family of great storytellers," he said. "That is something about the South I think has been preserved. The yarn, the story, and the ability to tell one well, is a beloved trait in several of my uncles and aunts. And a great story changes the world for you — changes the way you look at life."

Pat Conroy said he looked for stories that told something about the world that he didn't know before. And he said he faced challenges along the way. "The one thing I've had is a very painful life filled with utter moments of great joy. Things happen to me for reasons I cannot figure out. And things have continued to happen to me all my life, and happen to my family all my life, and now happen to my friends. ... What I hope is that I don't die before I can tell all the stories I still haven't told."

Conroy was telling those stories until the end. Before he died he finished a short novel called Aquarius, set in the Vietnam era, and dedicated to his "friends who become teachers." I will always remember him for that night when he spoke about his mother so fondly, as I sat next to my own mother.

Precious Memories

Precious memories, unseen angels

Sent from somewhere to my soul

How they linger, ever near me

And the sacred scenes unfold.

Chorus

Precious memories, how they linger

How they ever flood my soul

In the stillness of the midnight

Precious, sacred scenes unfold.

Precious father, loving mother

Fly across the lonely years

And old home scenes of my childhood

In fond memory appear.

(Chorus)

In the stillness of the midnight

Echoes from the past I hear

Old-time singing, gladness bringing

From that lovely land somewhere.

(Chorus)

As I travel on life’s pathway

Know not what the years may hold

As I ponder, hope grows fonder

Precious memories flood my soul.

(Chorus)

Moment of Zen: Blogging

Do They Even Hear Themselves?

The Republican debate last night was a shit show. If they had let Kasich talk more, he would have won the debate hands down. He stayed calm and made his points.  I won't say they were always good points but at least he didn't try to talk over everyone else, didn't constantly insult everyone else, and he is the only one who looked mildly presidential. Quite honestly though, I don't think we want Kasich, because there are Democrats out there who do not like Hillary, and for those Democrats, they can stomach Kasich, who made that point last night.

How can anyone look at Trump, Cruz, or Rubio and think, "Hey, I like that man and I think he'd make a great president."? None of the three look presidential. None of the three sound intelligent. None of the three have government executive experience. None of the three act presidential. There is not one of them who should even be considering a presidential run, let alone the top three candidates left.

Here are my observations on the three. Trump is a pompous ass who is running a campaign like he's Hitler.  He even has his fat Nazi Goering, I mean Christie, to stand behind him and nod. Ted Cruz is creepy and he can't seem to be able to keep up with what's going on and can only seem to say, "Refer to my website." Rubio, since he's decided to throw insults back at Trump, looks like the dorky kid on the play ground who's only comeback comes out sounding like "Well, you're just a...you're just a big ol' meanie."

These men are dangerous (Dangerously STUPID) and America needs to wake up to that fact.

Fetishes

Fetishes. Most of us have them. A fetish is defined as a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc. Yesterday, I had five ways to embrace and enjoy your fetish. Today, I’m going to talk about my fetishes and see if they meet the test. I have a few major fetishes: Leather, Underwear and Uniforms.

Sexual self-discovery is a mysterious process, the only aspect of growing up that parents and teachers mostly leave children (if they’re lucky) to sort out on their own. The word groping works here. It’s you in the dark at first, maybe with props or pictures, and eventually with other humans, discovering over time—sometimes over a very long time—what gets you off, what turns you on. But how is it that you, being you, like this, not that? Why men, not women; why leather, not rubber; why briefs and boxers, not boxer briefs; why military uniforms, not domestic uniforms?

I love the smell of leather. I love the feel of leather. Why? I'm not sure, but that’s all I’m going to say on that subject. The same is true of underwear. I love seeing beautiful men in underwear, and I love wearing sexy underwear. While I like boxers and I won’t say that I hate boxer briefs, I do love briefs, sexy little briefs. However, I am not a fan of thongs, in fact I hate them.  They look and feel uncomfortable.  I do like jock straps though. If you are going wear underwear that shows off your assets, let them be framed like the work of art they are and not split into by a string. My fetish for underwear started when I was in middle school. It probably started with seeing guys in their underwear in the locker room or it could have been those fitness magazines which always showed guys in briefs.

As for uniforms, I love a military uniform.  Not really BDUs (battle dress uniforms, i.e. fatigues/camo) but dress uniforms. I love a man in dress uniform. I remember the first time I saw the uniforms of World War I, I fell in love.  The high collar, the Sam Browne belt, the high boots, and riding pants, what’s not to love?  The dress blues/greys (its according to which school) of military cadets is out of this world. The uniforms themselves are so beautiful, but the young men in them are just as beautiful. The same is true of civilians in tuxedos. A tux can make even the most ordinary of men look extraordinary. The same is true of dress uniforms. BDUs can look sexy on some men, but dress uniforms look sexy on all men.

So there are my fetishes.  What are yours? Don't be shy either.

Five Ways To Embrace & Enjoy Your Kinky Fetish

A fetish might be the shiny black leather boots the man at the grocery store has on, or the white cotton jockstraps you see at the gym, or the way you murmur “Daddy…”when your horned up partner is having his way with you. But where did we get our kinks, and do they represent something… bad?

Therapist and author David Fawcett (Lust, Men, and Meth: A Gay Man’s Guide to Sex and Recovery) thinks our kinky side is actually good for us, he came up with some juicy insights into our naughty obsessions.

“A fetish is not a disorder at all, unless it causes personal distress or is harmful to others,” David told Queerty’s Mark King. So if you’ve been transfixed by the uniform worn by the hot Castro cop, relax. “The most common fetish is a body part, like feet. Second would be objects such as clothing, and finally, a fetish can be a behavior, like a role play fantasy.”

David provided us these five helpful things to know about your kinky fetish:

1. Assess your fetish to be sure it is a healthy one

David is supportive of our kinky sides. “Think of your fetish as something that ‘adds value’ to your sexuality,” he says. “By far, most fetishes are perfectly normal. Our own shame about having one is usually the most unhealthy thing about it. If it is a fantasy of some sort, remember this: the vast majority of people are clear about the difference between fantasy and reality.”

But why on earth do white briefs drive you wild, you ask? “Why we develop a fetish is largely unknown,” David says, “but they are most often in place during childhood. They pair our earliest sexual arousal with a non-sexual object – the cute boy you saw in the locker room was wearing white briefs, for instance. Importantly, though, a fetish can also result from trauma or a strong emotional experience.”

If you’re concerned, ask yourself if your fetish is emotionally or physically harmful to yourself or to your partner. And David asks that you give something else some thought. “Is indulging your fetish ‘re-wounding’ you somehow? Is it linked to something that should be allowed to heal, and you’re keeping it fresh, and harmful?” If the answer is yes or you’re not certain, you might want to consider talking it through with a professional.

And by all means, if the fetish involves sex that puts you or your partner at risk for HIV transmission, then check out PrEP if you’re negative, or learn why positive guys with an undetectable viral load are not infecting their partners.

2. Reveal your fetish to your partner thoughtfully

Sure, telling your date or your husband that his leather boots are hot is easy. Getting him to wear a pair during sex might be a little trickier. The key is being prepared.

“Most couples don’t have great communication skills about sex, and that includes gay men,” says the expert. “So be sure you are comfortable discussing sex in the first place. You might want to just describe why the fetish gives you pleasure, without any expectations that your partner will join in. And it is important that you discuss it as something that is intimate, not a source of shame or some kind of awful confession.”

Once you’ve had the Big Reveal, give your partner time to process it. You can always circle back to it later.

3. You fetish probably isn’t going anywhere

“A fetish is part of your sexual template that probably won’t go away,” says David. “Even if we try to repress them, they tend to re-emerge.”

So, someone in a relationship that has a fetish might want to do their best to incorporate it, advises David. That means ground rules, respect for limits, and managing the complicated balance between loving and respecting your partner while honoring your own needs. “Communication is the key, of course,” David says. “And it is also true that sometimes couples are just incompatible.”

4. Be sure you don’t need drugs or alcohol to enjoy your fetish

The more dangerous your fetish might potentially be, the greater the importance of having a clear head. Obviously, this applies to domination and submission scenes or anything involving being at the physical mercy of your partner. “Always incorporate consent and respect,” advises our expert. “And you can’t give your consent if you are under the influence.”

David firmly believes that some fetishes are the result of drug use and may not even be organic to the individual. “These kind of drug-driven behaviors do not increase intimacy,” he says. “They are actually destructive.”

“If a fetish is keeping someone stuck in self-destructive behaviors like drug addiction, this suggests a level of shame that needs to be addressed in therapy,” David says.

5. Men love to grab that brass (nipple) ring

Fetishes are a guy thing. “95% of people with a fetish are male,” David tells us. “Straight men fetishize feminine things, gay men fetishize masculine things. They are the objects that represent those we desire.” Of course many gay men love feminine things, too.

So embrace all that you are, men. Keep communication open, play it safe, and get on with your kinky selves. “By far, most fetishes enhance healthy sexuality,” David adds. “So have fun!”

Source: http://www.queerty.com/five-ways-to-embrace-your-kinky-fetish-20160227

Dear March - Come In - (1320)

Dear March - Come in - (1320)

Emily Dickinson, 1830 - 1886

Dear March - Come in -

How glad I am -

I hoped for you before -

Put down your Hat -

You must have walked -

How out of Breath you are -

Dear March, how are you, and the Rest -

Did you leave Nature well -

Oh March, Come right upstairs with me -

I have so much to tell -

I got your Letter, and the Birds -

The Maples never knew that you were coming -

I declare - how Red their Faces grew -        

But March, forgive me -

And all those Hills you left for me to Hue -

There was no Purple suitable -

You took it all with you -        

  

Who knocks? That April -

Lock the Door -

I will not be pursued -

He stayed away a Year to call

When I am occupied -        

But trifles look so trivial

As soon as you have come

That blame is just as dear as Praise

And Praise as mere as Blame -

About this poet

Emily Dickinson was born on December 10, 1830, in Amherst, Massachusetts. She attended Mount Holyoke Female Seminary in South Hadley, but only for one year. Throughout her life, she seldom left her home and visitors were few. The people with whom she did come in contact, however, had an enormous impact on her poetry. She was particularly stirred by the Reverend Charles Wadsworth, whom she first met on a trip to Philadelphia. He left for the West Coast shortly after a visit to her home in 1860, and some critics believe his departure gave rise to the heartsick flow of verse from Dickinson in the years that followed. While it is certain that he was an important figure in her life, it is not clear that their relationship was romantic—she called him “my closest earthly friend.” Other possibilities for the unrequited love that was the subject of many of Dickinson’s poems include Otis P. Lord, a Massachusetts Supreme Court judge, and Samuel Bowles, editor of the Springfield Republican.

By the 1860s, Dickinson lived in almost complete isolation from the outside world, but actively maintained many correspondences and read widely. She spent a great deal of this time with her family. Her father, Edward Dickinson, was actively involved in state and national politics, serving in Congress for one term. Her brother, Austin, who attended law school and became an attorney, lived next door with his wife, Susan Gilbert. Dickinson’s younger sister, Lavinia, also lived at home for her entire life in similar isolation. Lavinia and Austin were not only family, but intellectual companions for Dickinson during her lifetime.

Dickinson’s poetry was heavily influenced by the Metaphysical poets of seventeenth-century England, as well as her reading of the Book of Revelation and her upbringing in a Puritan New England town, which encouraged a Calvinist, orthodox, and conservative approach to Christianity.

She admired the poetry of Robert and Elizabeth Barrett Browning, as well as John Keats. Though she was dissuaded from reading the verse of her contemporary Walt Whitman by rumors of its disgracefulness, the two poets are now connected by the distinguished place they hold as the founders of a uniquely American poetic voice. While Dickinson was extremely prolific as a poet and regularly enclosed poems in letters to friends, she was not publicly recognized during her lifetime. The first volume of her work was published posthumously in 1890 and the last in 1955. She died in Amherst in 1886.

Upon her death, Dickinson’s family discovered forty handbound volumes of nearly 1,800 poems, or “fascicles” as they are sometimes called. Dickinson assembled these booklets by folding and sewing five or six sheets of stationery paper and copying what seem to be final versions of poems. The handwritten poems show a variety of dash-like marks of various sizes and directions (some are even vertical). The poems were initially unbound and published according to the aesthetics of her many early editors, who removed her unusual and varied dashes, replacing them with traditional punctuation. The current standard version of her poems replaces her dashes with an en-dash, which is a closer typographical approximation to her intention. The original order of the poems was not restored until 1981, when Ralph W. Franklin used the physical evidence of the paper itself to restore her intended order, relying on smudge marks, needle punctures, and other clues to reassemble the packets. Since then, many critics have argued that there is a thematic unity in these small collections, rather than their order being simply chronological or convenient. The Manuscript Books of Emily Dickinson (Belknap Press, 1981) is the only volume that keeps the order intact.

My favorite piece of trivia about Dickinson is that she wrote on what in music is called common time or four-four time (4/4 beat).  Nearly all of her poems can be sang to any song with common time, such as "The Battle Hymn of the Republic," "The Yellow Rose of Texas," and the theme to "Gilligan's Island." Try it with the poem above.