Moment of Zen: Cuddling

Whether it's before, after, or during sex, or even instead of sex, I love cuddling.  One of the ways that I realized that I was gay was the steong desire to be held by another man.  There's just something about being lovingly held in a man's arms that is pure bliss.  I love to cuddle.

The science behind cuddling's appeal all comes down to one word: hormones. A good cuddle, hug or loving physical interaction with another person (including sex) releases a trio of feel-good substances in your brain: 1) oxytocin, the chemical responsible for happiness; 2) endorphins, the chemicals released after a really tough workout or when you eat chocolate; and 3) dopamine, the hormone that regulates the pleasure centers in your nervous system and helps reduce blood pressure.

So let's release those hormones, and cuddle more.

How's It Hangin'?

How's it hangin' is a very informal way to say hello to your fellow. What is actually hanging, is evident from the following example.

- Hey, Joe, how's it hangin'? - A little bit to the left. 

The standard answer seems to most often be a literal answer as to how your penis really is hanging: long and to the left, tight and to the right, etc.

Yesterday a friend and I were discussing which side men "dress" on.  Dressing left and dressing right are terms that most men, at least those who wear suits, know.  It's a term used by tailors when fitting suit pants.  To "dress left" means that one keeps one’s male appendage shifted in the general direction of the left trouser leg.  Likewise for the right.

I've been a bit fascinated by this topic since I first saw it on an episode of Friends when I was a teenager.  Chandler went to get a suit tailored and the tailor grazed his privates to see if he dressed left or right.  Chandler was horrified, but Joey explained that he thought that's how all tailors determined which side a man's privates hung.  Chandler says that tailors usually just ask you instead of checking for themselves.  (I may have some of the details wrong, but I do remember this episode.)

Straight male friends have always been fond of asking, "How's it hangin'?"  This always kind of excited me because it always made me think of my straight male friends' penis and how he was hanging.  According to a study I read, 75 percent of all men dress (hang) to the left, whereas, 25 percent dress to the right.  There are several theories about why this is.

According to medical researchers, most men should dress left.  This is basic biology,  The left testicle is lower than the right.  Thus, some men theorize that it was made to swing to the left, and swinging right would be uncomfortable.  Some even go further that left dressing men are happier and more creative, while right dressing men are often in a bad mood.

Another theory says that most right-handed men dress to their left, and vice-versa for lefties, due to the way men return their penis through their pants' fly. Some (including myself) have speculated that it is due to masturbation. The erection conforms to the curve of the palm, whether for a leftie or a rightie. Over time the penis is permanently changed.  My guess is that it is really more revealing about which hand is dominant.  I dress to the left, and I am right handed.

I came across one guy who theorized that after seeing lots of men naked that most gay men's flaccid penis hangs towards the left and most straight men's penis hangs to the right. However, my guess is that this particular man has seen a greater number of gay men than straight men naked and thus he has not only seen that most men hang to the left.

So, how's it hangin', guys?

Take Me To Church

In September, Irish songwriter Hozier released the video for his gospel-inspired epic, “Take Me to Church,” a cavernous song that uses love and ecstasy as a religious metaphor. The video depicts two men’s gentle intimacy, followed by brutal gay-bashing at the hands of masked vigilantes against lyrics like, “I was born sick, but I love it / command me to be well / Amen. Amen. Amen.”

The song serves simultaneously as a message about human rights, a commentary about Hozier’s upbringing in what he calls a “cultural landscape that is blatantly homophobic,” and a strong statement about the institutional homophobia in Putin’s Russia. In the months since its release, the video has gone viral (and we’ve been playing it over and over) — bringing the 23-year-old artist into sharp focus.

Lyrically the song is one large metaphor comparing a lover to religion. The idea for “Take Me to Church” had been building in Hozier-Byrne’s mind for a while before he sat down at his piano in early 2013. “I had a chorus, then all the verse ideas I had been working on or had lying around for a year, they all just fell into place,” says the Irish singer-songwriter, who uses the stage name Hozier.

The song grew out of his frustration with the Roman Catholic Church’s teachings on human sexuality. “It would preach gender inequality or discrimination based on sexual orientation,” he says. “There’s a lot more you could take issue with, but the song is about asserting yourself away from that and finding a new thing to devote yourself to.”

The song’s “loose collection of visual ideas” set the worship of sensuality against what Hozier perceives as the church’s shrine of lies. The line “I was born sick, but I love it/Command me to be well” paraphrases 17th-century British poet Baron Brooke Fulke Greville’s Chorus Sacerdotum, a poem Hozier discovered after hearing philosopher Christopher Hitchens quote it during a debate. The song uses the Hitchens’ quote “I was born sick; command me to be well”.

Having penned such a potentially controversial song, Hozier says, “I imagined it’d go to a small audience for a large part of my career. So the way it took off was totally unexpected.”

In an interview with The Irish Times, Hozier stated, “I found the experience of falling in love or being in love was a death, a death of everything. You kind of watch yourself die in a wonderful way, and you experience for the briefest moment–if you see yourself for a moment through their eyes–everything you believed about yourself gone. In a death-and-rebirth sense.”

In an interview with New York magazine, he elaborated: “Sexuality, and sexual orientation – regardless of orientation – is just natural. An act of sex is one of the most human things. But an organization like the church, say, through its doctrine, would undermine humanity by successfully teaching shame about sexual orientation – that it is sinful, or that it offends God. The song is about asserting yourself and reclaiming your humanity through an act of love.”

The Grammy-nominated Irish singer-songwriter says people assume he is gay because of his anti-Roman Catholic church anthem “Take Me To Church” and the anti-homophobia video which accompanies it. The song was written following a break-up with a girlfriend. The “Take Me To Church” video, which has attracted nearly 100 million YouTube views, depicts two men kissing before they are attacked by a homophobic mob.

The music video for “Take Me to Church” was directed by Brendan Canty and was released on September 25, 2013. The video, shot in grayscale on location at Inniscarra Dam in Cork, Ireland, follows the relationship between two men in a same-sex relationship and the violently homophobic backlash that ensues when the community learns of one of the men’s sexuality. Hozier himself does not appear in this video.

Hozier stated, “The song was always about humanity at its most natural, and how that is undermined ceaselessly by religious [organizations] and those who would have us believe they act in its interests. What has been seen growing in Russia is no less than nightmarish, I proposed bringing these themes into the story and Brendan liked the idea.”

“Yes, people do make that assumption (that I am gay), which is fine, but for me I don’t think it’s the point, you know what I mean. It doesn’t come into it what my sexual orientation is,” Hozier told Reuters.

“Regardless of the sexual orientation behind a relationship, it is still a relationship and still love… So people are free to make any assumption they want, it’s grand,” he laughed.

Historical Question

Many of my readers often assume that my major field of study is literature, because I post a poem every Tuesday and I write book reviews on a semi-regular basis.  However first and foremost, I am a historian.  All of my degrees are in history, but my doctoral studies were based on cultural history which included art, architecture, and literature.  Whenever, I am studying something, I study it through a historical eye.  Historical analysis is my modus operendi.

In recent weeks, I have been contemplating the anticipation/apprehension of the impending Supreme Court decision on same-sex marriage.  A U.S. district court judge has ruled that Alabama's same-sex marriage bans are unconstitutional, but placed a fourteen day stay on her decision to allow time for the Alabama Attorney General Luther Strange to attempt to extend the stay until the Supreme Court makes a decision.  The 11th Circuit refused to extend the stay, and AG Strange is now attempting to get the Supreme Court to extend the stay pending their decision.  If the Supreme Court follows its own precedent, it will allow the stay to be lifted on February 9, 2015, as planned.

The Court has allowed lower courts' rulings to stand, bringing marriage equality to state after state, now with 36 in total. It would be quite chaotic if the Supreme Court didn't strike down marriage bans now. And the court will be seen as having been exceedingly reckless. That doesn't seem like something Justice Kennedy wants as his legacy on gay rights, having crafted it very carefully for several decades. He'll go all the way, and the liberals will go with him.

It seems to be a foregone conclusion that the Supreme Court will rule in favor of same-sex marriage, but the question is still being asked as to how far the ruling will go.  If Roberts decides to vote with Kennedy and the four liberals, he would then control the decision, because as Chief Justice, he could assign it to himself or any of the other justices. He could keep it away from Kennedy. If he votes for marriage equality, he would keep the decision for himself, and he would try to write it as narrowly as possible. In the past, Chief Justices have switched to the majority so that they can narrow the scope of the opinion.

As I look at the speculation concerning what the Supreme Court will do when it decides same-sex marriage in this term, I began to wonder: has their been similar situations in which this much speculation has been covered in the media on other issues?  For most of its history, the U.S. Supreme Court has been seen as the lesser branch of government, as dominance has always passed between Congress  and the President.  Last night I did a fair amount of research to see if I could find any pre-decision media coverage of major Supreme Court cases.  In history, we study the significance of a decision and occasionally (but not always) the story that led to the case being heard before the Supreme Court.  

The question I have though is how much is the general public aware of cases going before the Supreme Court.  Have Americans been aware enough before a decision is made to weigh in on the speculation?  For instance, did most southerners know that Brown v. Board of Education would be decided in 1954?  Were they aware enough to think about the consequences?  As a student of history in the South, I have studied a great deal about the Civil Rights Movement, but I cannot remeber reading about reactions to school desegregation until after Brown was decided.  Thinking of cases in my lifetime, I cannot think of a single instance other than Windsor v. United States in which this much speculation has occurred in a Supreme Court case before the decision was made.

No doubt there are legal scholars who speculate on Supreme Court rulings for a living, and I know there are reporters who cover the Supreme Court and thus speculation is part of their job.  However, has Americans themselves been thrown into the speculation game.  Maybe much of it has to do with the controversy drummed up by political figures wanting to get air time on television, or the abundance of 24 hour news networks, but it seems to me like this is one of the few times that America is actually waiting to see what the Supreme Court will do.

Legal history is not my forte, so it is entirely possible that there are numerous cases that caused controversy and speculation before the court ever issued an opinion.  And maybe I'm just interested in this issue and therefore I'm paying more attention to media coverage. If I had the time, I could begin searching through newspapers looking for mentions of the Supreme Court's terms, but unless someone wants to give me a huge grant to conduct that research, I don't have the time or the energy to search through 225 years of newspapers.

So since my curiosity is up, I am going to ask my readers this question.  Have you ever known there to me so much media coverage and speculation over an issue that has come before the Supreme Court?

Breaking News

Appeals court denies AL request to stay same-sex marriage case

ATLANTA (WSFA) - The 11th Circuit Court of Appeals in Atlanta is issuing a decision that denies Alabama Attorney General Luther Strange's request to issue a stay pending appeal of the state's ban on same-sex marriage.

Alabama's laws that banned gay marriage were struck down by federal judge Callie Granade on Jan. 23, but the judge issued a temporary stay to allow the State time to seek an appeal from the 11th Circuit. 

Judge Granade's stay is set to expire on Feb. 9 after which time Alabama probate judges will be required to start issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples. The Plaintiffs have asked the judge to lift her stay.  U.S. District Judge Callie Granade's said in her ruling Tuesday the stay will remain in place until that date unless the U.S. Supreme Court issues a stay or makes a ruling.

The U.S. Supreme Court is expected to rule on the issue of same-sex marriage in June.

Continue checking back for additional updates and reaction.

Sonnet to Winter

Sonnet to Winter

 By Emily Chubbuck Judson

Thy brow is girt, thy robe with gems inwove;

    And palaces of frost-work, on the eye,

    Flash out, and gleam in every gorgeous dye,

The pencil, dipped in glorious things above,

    Can bring to earth. Oh, thou art passing fair!

But cold and cheerless as the heart of death,

Without one warm, free pulse, one softening breath,

    One soothing whisper for the ear of Care.

Fortune too has her Winter. In the Spring,

    We watch the bud of promise; and the flower

    Looks out upon us at the Summer hour;

And Autumn days the blessed harvest bring;

    Then comes the reign of jewels rare, and gold,

    When brows flash light, but hearts grow strangely cold.

  

 About This Poem

Emily Chubbuck Judson was born in Eaton, New York, in 1817. Her books include An Olio of Domestic Verses (1852) and Charles Linn, or, How to Observe the Golden Rule: with Other Stories (1841). “Sonnet to Winter” was published in Judson’s book Alderbrook (W. D. Ticknor and company, 1847).  Judson died in 1854.

Who Will Officiate?

Alabama's gay marriage ban may end on February 9, 2015, or possibly before if the current stay is not continued or is lifted early by the 11th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals.   For now, the decision is on hold and the delay could be extended by the 11th Circuit, as the state has requested. The U.S. Supreme Court has said it would decide whether same-sex marriage should be allowed nationwide, and a decision is likely by late June.  The question some media outlets are now asking is who will perform same-sex weddings?

The Alabama Chief Justice and some local judges are advocating anarchy with with attempts to ignore the federal courts.  Alabama's Chief Justice Roy Moore is leading the charge in the letter he wrote to Gov. Robert Bentley, asking him to defy the federal court ruling against Alabama's same-sex marriage ban. This is deja vu all over again. The last time Moore was on the court in 2002 he was removed due to his refusal to take down the massive Ten Commandments monument he had installed in the state judicial building. Now, as before, Moore is facing a judicial ethics complaint filed by the Southern Poverty Law Center.

Furthermore, a number of judges have decided to quit performing marriages.  Geneva County's probate judge Fred Hamic has performed over 1,000 weddings during his seven year tenure, stating they are his favorite part of the job. But Hamic who claims to be a Christian says that he plans to quit performing the ceremonies if same-sex marriage begins in Alabama.  Madison County's probate office in Huntsville said last week it would quit performing marriages but cited personnel shortages, not gay marriage, as the reason. I doubt anyone believes that as the real reason.  Montgomery County Probate Judge Steven Reed said he'll marry anyone, straight or gay, but most state judges are up in the air about performing marriages.  While Alabama law requires probate courts to issue marriage licenses, judges and other court officials have the option of whether to perform wedding ceremonies.

Many churches already ban gay weddings, so same-sex courthouse ceremonies became a real possibility for the state's 68 probate judges when a federal judge in Mobile ruled Jan. 23 that the state's constitutional and statutory ban on gay marriages violates the U.S. Constitution.

Monroe County Probate Judge Greg Norris, president of the state probate judge's association, said he hasn't heard of any judge who would refuse a wedding license to a same-sex couple if the decision by U.S. District Judge Callie V. S. Granade is upheld or the U.S. Supreme Court permits gay marriage. But many probate judges -- who are elected and sometimes also serve as county commission chairs -- are on the fence about whether to perform same-sex ceremonies, said Norris.

At least the State Health Department which maintains the Department of Vital Statistics is getting ready for the change.  While the state is appealing Granade's order, health officials and the probate judge's group already are considering how to alter Alabama marriage licenses in case same-sex marriages can begin, Norris said. The forms currently refer to "bride" and "groom" and will likely have to be reprinted, he said.

Even if judges refuse to perform wedding or church organizations ban same-sex marriages to be performed, many other ordained ministers will marry same-sex couples.  I have been ordained as a minister of the Universal Life Church, Modesto, California, and am therefore in good standing to marry anyone in the state of Alabama.  The only requirement is that I must charge at least $1 to perform the wedding.  So when (not if) the stay is lifted in Alabama, I will gladly marry anyone who would like me to perform the ceremony.

Moore can call for the Alabama judiciary to ignore a federal court ruling (which hopefully will get him removed from the bench a second time for ethics violations), judges across the state can refuse to perform weddings, and ministers can refuse as well, but same-sex couples will be married someday soon in the state of Alabama.  Progress and equality will not be stopped, no matter how hard some may try.

Just As I Am

For you remember, brothers, our labor and toil: we worked night and day, that we might not be a burden to any of you, while we proclaimed to you the gospel of God. You are witnesses, and God also, how holy and righteous and blameless was our conduct toward you believers. For you know how, like a father with his children, we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you to walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls you into his own kingdom and glory.

1 Thessalonians 2:9-12 

To this end we always pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of his calling and may fulfill every resolve for good and every work of faith by his power, so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.

2 Thessalonians 1:11-12

Just As I Am

By Charlotte Elliot

Just as I am, without one plea,

but that thy blood was shed for me,

and that thou bidst me come to thee,

O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, and waiting not

to rid my soul of one dark blot,

to thee whose blood can cleanse each spot,

O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, though tossed about

with many a conflict, many a doubt,

fightings and fears within, without,

O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, poor, wretched, blind;

sight, riches, healing of the mind,

yea, all I need in thee to find,

O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, thou wilt receive,

wilt welcome, pardon, cleanse, relieve;

because thy promise I believe,

O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Just as I am, thy love unknown

hath broken every barrier down;

now, to be thine, yea thine alone,

O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Charlotte Elliot wrote this song about how to find salvation through Christ. It has been used by many as the call to the altar at the close of services or what we in the Church of Christ call an invitational, as it brings a quiet simple message of sin, forgiveness, and salvation to all that turn from sin and trust in Jesus.  I have fond memories of this song from Sunday services at my church growing up.  In fact, when I served as the song leader, this was one of my favorite invitationals.  It truly is a classic hymn, and one that I hope never goes away from church services.

The story behind this hymn is an interesting one.  Charlotte Elliott struggled most of her life with sin and how to be forgiven from sin.  She would talk to religious leaders and pastors, and many would counsel her to pray more, study the Bible more, do more noble deeds, and resolve to “do better.”  This advice, however, did not resolve the struggle with sin in her life.  She also struggled with health issues.  Her physical disability had hardened her heart to the point where she was quoted as saying “If God loved me, He would not have treated me this way.”

One evening, a Swiss minister, Dr. Cesar Malan, came and visited Ms. Elliott and her family.  During the visit, Ms. Elliott lost her temper, and so embarrassed her family to the point that they left the room and left her alone with Dr. Malan.  Dr. Malan asked her some poignant questions about the hate and anger she had in her heart.  He told her that she had become sour, bitter, and resentful.   Ms. Elliott asked him what his “cure” was for this kind of bitterness.  He told her the cure was the faith that she was trying so hard to despise.  After a long conversation, she finally reached her wit’s end, and asked him “If I wanted to become a Christian…what would I do?”  Dr. Malan wisely responded, “You would give yourself to God just as you are now, with your fightings and fears, hates and loves, pride and shame.”  She responded “I would come to God just as I am?  Is that right?”   Her conversion was a powerful one, and from this encounter with Dr. Malan and with Christ, she was inspired to write the words of this song.  She lived to be 82 years old and eventually wrote over 150 hymns.

It's tough to enjoy life when you don't like yourself. People who haven't learned to accept and get along with themselves tend to have more difficulty accepting and getting along with others. Yet, the Bible repeatedly tells us to "love your neighbor as yourself." I personally spent years having a hard time getting along with people, until I finally realized through the Word of God how my difficulty with other people was actually "rooted" in my difficulties with myself. 

The Bible says a good tree will bear good fruit, and a rotten tree will bear rotten fruit. Likewise, the "fruit" of our lives comes from the "root" within us. If you're rooted in shame, guilt, inferiority, rejection, lack of love and acceptance, etc., the fruit of your relationships will suffer. However, once you have a revelation of God's unconditional love for you and begin to accept yourself and others, eventually these new roots will produce good fruit, and your relationships will thrive. 

Moment of Zen: Smile

I love to see a man smile.  It's such a turn-on.  I have a close friend who every day I have the supreme fortune to get to see his smile.  It doesn't matter what kind of mood he's in or how he's feeling, I get to see his smile.  It's one of the great joys of my life.  I don't always have many, but this week has been an exception.  On Monday, I wrote a post about being in the closet, because it was something on my mind.  On Tuesday, I elaborated on my situation for those who might not have understood.  It never occurred to me that I would get such a response out of those posts.  Not only did I receive quite a number of comments, but email after email has come in offering love, compassion, and support.  (I'm still trying to answer all of them.) Each one of those emails has made me smile, not something I find myself doing often enough these days.  People have said that they just felt the need to reach out, and for that I will be eternally grateful.

Today Will Be a Great Day

Honestly, I have no reason to believe that it will be, but this is how I'm going to start my day today.  I am going to tell myself that "Today will be a great day!"  First off, it's Friday.  Fridays are good.  Second, it's payday.  Paydays are good.  So with two things already going my way, I'm just going to believe they will continue to improve.

The Mayo Clinic says this about the power of positive thinking:

Negative thoughts can feed pessimism and create unnecessary stress. You can learn to turn negative thoughts into positive ones. The process is straightforward, although it's challenging, especially at first. Start by following one simple rule: Don't say anything to yourself that you wouldn't say to anyone else. Throughout the day, stop and evaluate what you're thinking. If a negative thought enters your mind, evaluate it rationally and respond with affirmations of what is good about yourself.

I think I can take this advice.  When students begin to stress me, I will simply decide not to get angry but attempt to deal with the situation in a positive way.  Maybe turn it into a learning experience.  In fact, I did this the other day, and it worked out beautifully.  To give you an example, I have been teaching a unit on Ancient Chinese history, which includes the philosophies of Confucianism, Daoism, and Legalism.  Confucianism is all about respect and learning the order of relationships.  Daoism is the search for the natural balance in the world, but it is said that no one can truly understand the Dao (also translated as "The Way").  Daoists believe that those who speak of the way, do not know the way, and those who know the way, do not speak of the way.  Legalism teaches that human are naturally evil and must be beaten into submission with extremely harsh laws.  By the way, all of these are over-simplifications.

Earlier this week, I'd given my students an assignment to complete a study guide based on a list of terms I'd given them.  I would then go over the list of terms the next day for those who'd completed the study guide, showing them not just how to find definitions but more importantly how to determine the significance of each of the terms.  When I went around to check and see who had done the assignment, only six students out of twenty-five had completed the assignment.  So, I had those six com to the front of the room.  It turned out that three of the six had copied the study guide of one of the other students.  I told those four students to sit back down.  The two remaining who had completed the task would receive a 100 on the test without having to take it.

Then I explained to them my rationale.  You see, if they'd each followed Confucian beliefs, they would have respected me, i.e. their teacher, enough to complete the assignment and have it finished on time. Only the two who completed the task would have been allowed to take the test.  All others would fail.  Furthermore, if this were under a Legalist system, those who had not completed the task would face harsh corporal punishment while the four who cheated would be expelled from the school.  You see it was not fair for the students who did their work, to be rewarded with the correct answers and allow the other students to also receive the correct answers on the study guide, thus rewarding them for not completing the assignment.  Therefore, I needed to find a balance.

The two who had done what was asked of them, no more and no less, had in this instance found the way, the Dao, the balance.  Therefore, they alone should be rewarded.  Hose four who had cheated had done more than asked by taking the extra step of copying someone else's work, and thus had tipped the balance.  Those who had not completed the task, even if it was because they did not do "merely" two or three definitions, had not reached the balance of completing the assignment.  They too had failed to find the way.  If I did not go over the study guide, they'd surely fail, because my students are often too lazy, such as not finishing and waiting for the correct answer from me or by finding only the definition and not the significance of a term.

My solution therefore was to reward the two good students by not requiring them to take the test and automatically giving them a 100, whereas all of the other students would have to redo their study guides under my guidance, and then have to study for the test in order to pass it.  It was a rewarding teaching moment for me as I saw the understanding of these three philosophies truly click in their minds.  They are unlikely to forget them.  This may not have been a perfect lesson, I'm sure there were many flaws, but I did come up with this one on the SPIR of the moment, and it was not planned at all.  As any decent teacher learns to do, my students never knew I'd not planned this lesson from the beginning.

Will knowing the difference between Confucianism, Daoism, or Legalism help them in much more than possibly getting a question correct on Trivia Crack (a new iPhone game they are obsessed with, in case you're wondering)?  I doubt it, but what I do hope is that they will realize, in even a small way, that other belief systems are significant.  There is a greater world out there, and it's a world that we should understand better.

I really do have a passion for teaching.  I don't get moments like this very often, but on the rare occasions I do, it really does make it all worth it.