O Where Are You Going?

"O where are you going?" said reader to rider,
"That valley is fatal when furnaces burn,
Yonder's the midden whose odours will madden,
That gap is the grave where the tall return."

"O do you imagine," said fearer to farer,
"That dusk will delay on your path to the pass,
Your diligent looking discover the lacking
Your footsteps feel from granite to grass?"

"O what was that bird," said horror to hearer,
"Did you see that shape in the twisted trees?
Behind you swiftly the figure comes softly,
The spot on your skin is a shocking disease."

"Out of this house," said rider to reader,
"Yours never will," said farer to fearer,
"They're looking for you," said hearer to horror,
As he left them there, as he left them there.
-- W H Auden

Many a time you come across those who even not dare to dream, forget doing. The poem inspires us to keep the insecurities inside, because the reason for living lies there, in the experience. Do you ever ask yourself, "O, Where am I going? What am I doing with my life?"  My teaching job begins again tomorrow (we have two days of teacher work days, and the heathens students return on Wednesday).  As another year begins and I am still teaching at a small private school, I wonder "O, Where am I going? What am I doing with my life?"  I know I teach because I love it.  I am there because I want to open up the minds of the students, to show them that there is a world out there beyond their little inclusive group/society.

With this teaching job, I sometimes feel like my life in on hold.  I hope that when I finish my PhD (hopefully, I will graduate in May), that I can move on to better things.  I want to have  a real life again.  I want to be out socializing again.  Though I have friends at the academy, they have their own lives and families.  We are all too busy to socialize.  In fact, the main socializing any of them do with one another is either through their children or through church.  Since I have no children and I do not attend the same church as most of them, I am not part of that clique.  It's okay, I'm not meaning to sound like a pity party, but I do feel like my life and career are on hold for a bit.

I had hoped for a better paying job to begin this fall.  After the fall/spring/summer job search, I was offered one position (this one would have been a step back instead of a step forward) and had one job interview (the one I told you guys about that took place two weeks ago).  Though the job interview seemed to go really well, and I believe that I would have enjoyed teaching at this community college, I was told that they would narrow the candidates further down to three and those three would be invited back for interviews with the college's president.  I never heard anything more from them.  And since the job is supposed to begin next Monday, I expect that I was not chosen for the top three.  It is possible that they really are waiting until the last minute, I have the feeling that I was passed over.  So the new school year teaching middle and high school  students at the academy begins again this week.

I am actually looking forward to it.  I will probably know for sure by the time Friday rolls around, but I like the classes that I am scheduled to teach.  They will be the same as last year, so there will be opportunities to improve upon what I did last year.  I am going in with a positive attitude that this will be a great year.  And I think when we ask ourselves "O, Where am I going? What am I doing with my life?" that if we look on the brighter side of things, no matter how dim the light may, we will make it happen.  Though I know that I am not always positive, I at least strive to be an optimist.

"O, Where Are You Going?"