A Tragedy in Iran

Alireza Fazeli-Monfared

I recently read a story about a 20-year-old gay man who was reportedly brutally murdered by members of his own family in a so-called “honor killing” in Iran last week. Alireza Fazeli-Monfared had plans to flee the country to Turkey to meet his refugee boyfriend when his half-brother and cousins beheaded him. The sadness of the story is compounded by how close he was to getting out of Iran and to safety and how his family found out he was gay. Fazeli-Monfared had just received an exemption from serving in the military because of “sexual depravities.” The document outed him as gay, and his family discovered the exemption papers, which informed them of his sexual orientation.  

Iran requires all male citizens above the age of 18 to enlist in military service excepts gay men and transgender women, who are officially cited as having “mental disorders” and “sexual depravities.” Under Islamic law in Iran, same-sex relations are illegal and can carry a punishment of jail, lashing, and in some cases, execution. Because of Iran’s homophobic laws, anti-gay propaganda, and light sentences for honor killings, Iran is responsible for facilitating the murder of countless members of the LGBTQ community in Iran.

 

According to the Iranian journalist Masih Alinejad, Fazeli-Monfared was on the phone with his mother when his half-brother came to him and on the pretext that their father wanted to see him. The half-brother then got Fazeli-Monfared into the car and drove him outside the city. These events happened on the Tuesday night of May 4, and no one heard anything about Fazeli-Monfared whereabouts until the half-brother called Fazeli-Monfared’s mother and told her: ‘We have finished him off.’ The mother was told where to find the beheaded body of her son. She has since been hospitalized with shock. Fazeli-Monfared’s body was found under a tree outside of the city of Ahwaz. The BBC reported it had received audio recordings of Fazeli-Monfared saying he was in danger from family members and planning to flee Iran. According to reports, Fazeli-Monfared had plans to leave Iran on May 8 to join his boyfriend, Aghil Abyat, who is a refugee and was waiting for him in Turkey.

 

The three men accused of Fazeli-Monfared’s murder have reportedly been arrested, though it is unlikely they will face much punishment if any at all. LGBTQ people are persecuted in many Islamic countries, often by law, due to religious sanctions against same-sex relationships. Earlier this year, the UN’s special rapporteur on the situation of human rights in Iran expressed concern over reports that the country has subjected LGBTQ children to “torture and cruel, inhuman, and degrading treatment.”

 

This story made me so sad for Alireza Fazeli-Monfared and his boyfriend, Aghil Abyat. The human rights violations in Iran are so abominable for sexual minorities, including women and the LGBTQ community. Several years ago, I was researching a Canadian graduate of the university where I work to prepare for an oral history interview, which sadly never happened. She’s a celebrity and the wife of a high-ranking politician in Canada, so it came down to working with her publicity and public relations people. We were never able to work out the time for an interview. I did get to meet her, but I did not get to interview her. She was whisked away to the airport just minutes after I began giving her a tour of the museum. I bring her up because she was born in Iran and her family fled to Canada when she was young.

 

She became interested in the case of a teenage girl in Iran with whom she shared a name. The Iranian government sentenced the young girl to hang for stabbing one of three men who tried to rape her and her niece in Karaj in March 2005. Eventually, with pressure from the international community, now a young woman, she was granted a new trial by the head of the Judiciary in June 2006. In January 2007, the young woman was exonerated of murder charges and was released after $43,000 had been raised for her bail. The young Iranian girl on death row was fortunate to have an international advocate to fight for her release, but so many women and members of the LGBTQ community have no one to fight for them. 

 

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A Slow Death

A Slow Death

By Martha Medeiros

 

You start dying slowly

if you do not travel,

if you do not read,

If you do not listen to the sounds of life,

If you do not appreciate yourself.

 

You start dying slowly

When you kill your self-esteem,

When you do not let others help you.

 

You start dying slowly

If you become a slave of your habits, walking everyday on the same paths…

If you do not change your routine,

If you do not wear different colours,

If you do not speak to those you don’t know.

 

You start dying slowly

If you avoid to feel passion, and their turbulent emotions;

Those which make your eyes glisten,

And your heart beat fast.

 

You start dying slowly

If you do not change your life when you are not satisfied with your job, or with your love,

If you do not risk what is safe for the uncertain,

If you do not go after a dream,

If you do not allow yourself,

At least once in your lifetime,

To run away from sensible advice.

 

My friend Susan sent me this poem. It is called “A Slow Death” (“A Morte Devagar” 2000) and has been erroneously attributed to Pablo Neruda for some time on the Internet. A similar poem, "Muere Lentamente" (Dying Slowly), has also been mistakenly attributed to Pablo Neruda. The Pablo Neruda Foundation has confirmed that the Chilean poet never wrote it.

 

"Muere Lentamente" and “A Morte Devagar” are the works of Brazilian writer Martha Medeiros, author of numerous books and reporter for the Porto Alegre newspaper Zero Hora. Tired of people believing that Neruda wrote the poems, she got in touch with the Neruda Foundation to establish her own authorship, giving as evidence how largely the verses coincide with her work in Portuguese "A Morte Devagar" (To Death Slowly), published in the year 2000 on All Souls Day eve.

 

Born in Porto Alegre in 1961, Medeiros graduated from the Pontifical Catholic University of Rio Grande do Sul (PUCRS) in Porto Alegre in 1982 and became a journalist for the newspaper Zero Hora of Porto Alegre and O Globo of Rio de Janeiro. She moved for nine months in Chile, and she began to write poems. Coming back to Porto Alegre, she began writing as a journalist also continuing her literary way.

 

Medeiros has no idea how "Muere Lentamente" and “A Morte Devagar” began circulating on the Internet, although she’s said it does not surprise her since many of her verses are on the Web "as if they were by other authors. Unfortunately, nothing can be done about it," she said. The 47-year-old Brazilian poet and novelist deeply admires Neruda and says she is a fan of his poems but prefers that "everybody's work be recognized." She loses no sleep over such matters, however, and said that she has "enough of a sense of humor to laugh at all this."

 

There is sadness in “A Slow Death,” but it is thought-provoking and really lovely. 

_______________

By the way, I have an essay in a book coming out in publication today. One of the historical organizations I belong to has their triennial conference starting today, and the book launch is part of the conference. I've never had anything published in a book before, so this is very exciting to me.

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Behave Like a Christian: Philia and Agape

Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality.

 

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion.

 

Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. Therefore

 

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;

If he is thirsty, give him a drink;

For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.”

 

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

—Romans 12:9-21 

This is the second part of my continuing series about the message contained within Romans 12:9–21, often labeled “Behave Like a Christian.” Last week, we looked at how to love without hypocrisy. This week, we will be looking at brotherly love, or philia and unconditional love, or agape, two of the four ancient Greek words for love. The others are storge (familial love) and eros (sensual, passionate, romantic love).

 

The New Testament discusses the universal principle of philia in several of its books. One of those passages is Romans 12:10-13 (the underlined verses above). Philia, or brotherly love, conveys the kind of love expressed towards other people as a fellow-human, our neighbors. Brotherly affection can mean the cozy feeling of belongingness. As a gay man, I have often found this belongingness in LGBTQ+ gatherings. I can be very socially awkward around people I do not know, but even the social awkwardness cannot take away the feeling of being among people like me in these settings. I grew up knowing few, if any, LGBTQ+ individuals, so when we gather together, it presents a calm atmosphere of serenity like kinship or friendship.

 

In the Biblical context, philia is a love seeking the best interest of all men, women, and children and counting them as more significant than oneself. Philippians 2:3 says, “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.” God loves the flawed and sinful, which we all are. Romans 3:23 says, “For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.” We make sacrifices in our lives, ask for forgiveness, and do good deeds in an effort to atone for our sins and be of service to God. We know this because we know of the love God gave to us. In 1 John 4:19, John writes, “We love Him because He first loved us.” We can only love because we are loved. God shows us the way. Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life.” (John 14:6) Love is not about that we have loved God but that He loved us. Our ability to show love is due to the love He has shown us. 

 

When asked, “And who is my neighbor?” Jesus told the Parable of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37). The parable tells of a traveler who is stripped, beaten, and left half dead alongside the road. First, a Jewish priest and then a Levite passed by, but both avoided the man. Finally, a Samaritan happened upon the traveler. Although Samaritans and Jews despised each other, the Samaritan helped the injured man. The conclusion is that the neighbor figure in the parable is the one who showed mercy to the injured fellow man—that is, the Samaritan. Jesus shows that brotherly love is to be shown to all men and women who need help. Everyone needs assistance from time to time, and we are commanded to help in anyway we can. Paul wrote in Hebrews 13:1, “Let brotherly love continue.” In Romans 12:10, we are commanded to  “Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another.”

 

Romans 12:11-13 describes who we should show brotherly love. We cannot take a pause or delay our diligence. This means we have to show love at all times. Hate is the enemy of God, and it is one of our greatest sins. We may not like someone, but we should never genuinely hate. This is one of the hardest things to do, but we must love with a fervent, zealous, and passionate spirit. This is the way we need to show we are serving the Lord. We have to rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, and continue steadfastly in prayer. Hebrews 11:1 tells us that, “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” If we rejoice in hope, then we are strengthening our faith. 

 

Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity.” A friend isn’t afraid to tell us the truth and doesn’t worry about offending us when we are wrong because Proverbs 27:6 tells us, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” The most brotherly thing we can do for a friend is to be honest and tell them the truth when they are wrong so we can all grow and learn something. Insincere flattery gets us nowhere, which is why Solomon wrote in Proverbs 28:23, “He who rebukes a man will find more favor afterward than he who flatters with the tongue” for it is far better to “Let the righteous strike me; it shall be a kindness. And let him rebuke me; it shall be as excellent oil; let my head not refuse it. For still my prayer is against the deeds of the wicked.” (Psalm 141:5). 

 

In 1 John 4, John uses the Greek word “agape” (as a noun) or as a verb “agapaō,” and this is the highest level of all loves mentioned in the Bible. It is much higher than brotherly love. It is the same love that Jesus showed on the cross and spoke of that God loved the world so much that “He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” (John 3:16) The word used for love is “agapaō,” and it is a love that someone has where they are willing to die not only for our loved ones but also for those who hate them and are unworthy. John understood this love because he was there with Jesus during His earthly ministry and observed Him dying on the cross. This must have been what John was thinking about when he wrote in 1 John 4:7-10:

Beloved, let us love (agapaō) one another, for love (agape) is of God; and everyone who loves (agapaō) is born of God and knows God. He who does not love (agapaō) does not know God, for God is love (agape). In this the love (agape) of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. In this is love (agape), not that we loved (agapaō) God, but that He loved (agapaō) us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.” 

Here we see that God loved us first. God made the first move, and so we should love our fellow humans in a self-sacrificing way, and even if it costs us, we must love.

@fatty_long_legs

Love and light babes.

♬ original sound - David Patrick

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Moment of Zen: Al Fresco Dining

It's that season again, and I love eating outside, especially with friends.

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My car needs washing.

Dreams

"I used to dream about escaping my ordinary life, but my life was never ordinary. I had simply failed to notice how extraordinary it was." - Ransom Riggs 

I used to hate my life. I wanted to be anything but what I was. I’ve accepted who I am more in the last five years since moving to Vermont than any other time in my life. Yes, I came out of the closet to myself twenty years ago, but I had basically resigned myself to the fact that I am gay. I realized I’d never want to marry a woman or have a romantic relationship with a woman, and if I tried, I’d end up making us both miserable. So, I admitted to myself that I am gay. I’d fought it far too long, and it nearly killed me, literally. I’d always been attracted to men, but I tried to suppress it. I did my best to deny my true self. However, admitting that I am gay is not really the same as accepting myself for who I am. There was always a part of me that wished I was not gay.

 

In the last five years, I quit wishing I wasn’t gay. I love being gay. I love accepting who I am and celebrating the fact that I am attracted to men. I want to find a man with whom I can spend the rest of my life. In many ways, I’m a different person than I was twenty years ago when I admitted to myself that I was gay. In fact, I’m a different person than I was five years ago. I am happy with who I have become, and it has made me a happier person. While I did once dream of escaping my ordinary life, I realized, my life, like that of all of our lives, is not ordinary. We are all extraordinary, and we need to celebrate who we are.