I would t say all southern gay men have a thing for this type of guy, and it’s always safest if you don’t, but I’ve had crushes on a quite a few country boys. Many may be homophobic and exhibit all the traits of toxic masculinity, but there are som good ones who are genuinely nice guys. The good ones were the ones who always stole my heart.
4 comments:
Southern Boys: Gay & Toxic Masculinity?
That concept caught my attention this morning while brewing coffee. It made me think about this question: Is their extreme “toxic” homophobic behavior a way of staying the closet; or have they REALLY NOT come to terms with their sexual desires & orientation?
Immediately, I began to think about the Hip-Hop rapper Eminem. Despite all his offensive and vile song references about homosexuality, little would one have imagined that he was gay (self-disclosed).
Like the 1940’s radio drama “The Shadow” would say in every show’s closing: “Who knows what evil lurks in hearts of men?” While LGBT behavior is definitely not evil, toxic homophobic masculinity is a social evil.
Wellness & Peace to all…
I think homophobia and toxic masculinity stem from several possibilities: 1) deeply closeted gay men who hate themselves, 2) men being taught that they must be masculine and anything else is bad, and 3) they are scared shitless that they might find another man attractive. More often than not, it’s the social attitudes of what it means to be a man. Instead of being their true self, whatever that is, there are social expectations about what it means to be a man. It’s sad and infuriating. I was just discussing this with one of my coworkers the other day.
In Social Psychology, there is this a behavioral approach that seeks to explain inconsistencies through fears, and group associations. Irving Goffman, a Canadian Sociologist pioneered this idea in the late 1950’s. It’s commonly known symbolic interaction theory.
Your reply to my post touched on all of his theoretical tenets. Good thinking!
My adult son fully “came-out” after graduate school. He was an athlete and academic most of his life. During late high school he disclosed his bisexuality.
When his mother and I did not go totally “ape, shit-fuck” and expressed unconditional love & acceptance; it sort of threw him off. We are a rather typical moderately dysfunctional family — with some mindless routines & odd habits. Our social and political views are somewhere around “center-left” on most things.
My son hung out with a few Neanderthals in his early 20’s — a real “bucket of deplorable”. But he quickly migrated to a more “chilled” open minded, peer group.
The larger point here is that each of us want to belong and be accepted in a social group. Trying to fit in can be soul crushing if one is merely going along to get along.
Thanks for your thoughtful response.
I may have hated taking psychology in college and teaching it later on to high school students, but I did pay attention. LOL. I think any good teacher (and parents ) also has to try and understand their students, so learning a little about psychology and social behavior helps.
Also, thank you for your thoughtful responses as well. You son was lucky to have you as a dad. I wish more parents were accepting to their kids.
PS, it was that college psychology class that helped me understand that I’m gay. The professor let students write down anonymous questions and at the end of every class, he’d answer some of them. I think someone, and it wasn’t me, asked about how do you know if you’re gay. He responded that one of those ways is to look at your dreams. When you have erotic or romantic dreams, do you dream of the same sex or the opposite sex? That really made me think about what my dreams meant for my subconscious mind, and helped me become more accepting of myself.
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