A blog about LGBTQ+ History, Art, Literature, Politics, Culture, and Whatever Else Comes to Mind. The Closet Professor is a fun (sometimes tongue-in-cheek, sometimes very serious) approach to LGBTQ+ Culture.
Monday, July 31, 2023
In Your Love
I saw on Colton Haynes’ Instagram a post about a music video he had done for the new Tyler Childers song, “In Your Love.” I no longer keep up to date with country music, so I was not familiar with Tyler Childers or his music. Wikipedia describes his music as “a mix of neotraditional country, bluegrass, and folk.” I didn’t know what to expect when I searched for the song to watch the music video. I certainly wasn’t expecting a video set in 1950s Appalachia chronicling the romance between two male coal miners. I was also not expecting how much it pulled at my heartstrings. I was in tears by the end, so be forewarned. I hope you will watch it anyway.
Last week, Jason Aldean's release of a disgusting video of fearmongering and aggression dominated the conversation. Childers release is the antithesis to that with a moving, cinematic clip for his new song “In Your Love.” Just under five minutes in length, the video has the ability to emotionally wreck you as it watches the men fall in love, grapple with the violent reactions of their co-workers, and ultimately launch a new life together on a country farm. It features a romantic and ultimately heartbreaking love story between two men: “Arrow” star Colton Haynes and “You’s” James Scully.
The storyline comes from Silas House, the Poet Laureate of Kentucky, who wrote the video’s story from an idea he had with his husband, Jason Kyle Howard. A statement from House about the video, directed by Bryan Schlam and starring Colton Haynes and James Scully, echoes the desire for representation in country music that many still find themselves denied. “As a gay teenager who loved country music, I could have never imagined seeing myself in a video. That visibility matters,” House said. “Tyler and I both felt the attention to detail about rural life was very important, so we made sure that the house and the people looked realistic for the time period instead of the stereotypes of country people that have become so ingrained in the public consciousness… We wanted to tell as complex a story as we could in four minutes, not only about a gay couple but also about rural people. We wanted to show their joy and their sorrow—all the things that make up a complex life. Too often, simplistic notions are pushed about both rural and LGBTQ people, so we did everything we could to make this story as rich and layered as possible.”
Sunday, July 30, 2023
Choices
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
—1 Peter 5:7
The Bible gives us some guidance on making decisions, and God provides profound wisdom for making choices in our life. Remember the advice of scripture to rely on the guidance of God when facing big decisions. Proverbs 3:5-6 advises us, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." Likewise, Philippians 4:6-7 tells us, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”
When I pray, I often ask God to guide me on the path that He has chosen for me. I think there are times when I should have listened to what God was trying to tell me, but I failed to do so, and it did not turn out well. Other times, I have felt a great certainty in my decisions, and I believe that God is pointing me in the right direction. I can only trust in God that he will not lead me astray and will help guide me in this life so that I may find my true purpose.
On Friday, I mentioned that I was taking a quick trip down and back from Boston. I did so because I had a job interview, but I wonder if this is the right job for me. While I would love to live in Boston, I am not sure I am ready to move. I have a job with responsibilities I really like doing. I have a doctor who, for the first time in my 45 years, I feel comfortable discussing anything with, and I like him. In fact, I don’t dread having to go see him. I trust him to do what is best for my health. Likewise, I have a neurologist who is working with me to provide the best treatment for my migraines. While I know I could find a migraine specialist in Boston, I feel like my doctor was like finding a golden needle in a haystack. I honestly wonder if I could find gold again.
I like my current job a lot, but there have been issues with who I work with and who I work for. Besides that, Vermont may be a very LGBTQ+-friendly state, but there aren’t a lot of gay men. It seems that lesbians and transgender individuals (and more trans women than trans men) are the majority, and for as LGBTQ+ friendly as Vermont is, there are still a lot of closeted gay men. It makes it difficult to find a long-term romantic partner. It's hard to meet men here because there are so few.
The Friday interview was just the first interview in the process. I thought it went really well, but one never knows what the other candidates’ resumes look like. The director I talked to said she would finish the first round of interviews, and then she and her senior staff will look over the resumes together before deciding who to bring back for a second round of interviews. It’s still early in the process. I’m also not sure this really is the job for me, the job I’d want to move away from Vermont for. The pay is not as great as I’d live, but it is more than I am making now. However, Boston is more expensive than Vermont, and I’d need that extra salary. I’m just not sure it’s enough. It would be a step up in my career. I would be going from being a curator to being one of the museum’s directors. Plus, I'd be working at not only one of the most historic places in Boston but in the whole United States, and I'd be doing real historical work on the foundation of American democracy.
I’ve applied for other jobs in or near Boston, and this isn’t the first one that I had an interview for. That first interview was for a job that paid significantly more, and I do think I’d be able to live comfortably in Boston for that salary. However, I have not heard back from them since that first interview. So, while I know I am worrying about something that may not ever become a choice, I don’t want the choice to be given to me without having given it due consideration. Whatever I decide, I know I can trust in the Lord to point me in the right direction.
Saturday, July 29, 2023
Friday, July 28, 2023
Quick Trip
Thursday, July 27, 2023
People…
Mika (Meeka) is a beautiful feline who goes at her own pace to warm up and solicit attention. She does great with other felines and human friends that get to know her slowly. She seeks an adopter who truly can give her a one-room introduction area, and slowly introduce her to the rest of the house and companions. She came to Vermont from California, and was briefly adopted out there, but she hid in the closet, and was returned shortly after.
Wednesday, July 26, 2023
Uninteresting Times
Tuesday, July 25, 2023
NOTHING
NOTHING
By Joshua Jennifer Espinoza
i lie around wondering
what, if anything
i should post on the internet
about the government trying
to legislate me out
of existence
i decided to say nothing
too tired today
birds make noise outside
while my back aches
from stress and bad sleep and
worse dreams
it’s autumn and the light comes in different
this house inside looks different
i haven’t breathed okay in a while
maybe a few years
can’t remember
wish i could fall back asleep
while staying aware of things
that way i can guide the dream
can make the light do its normal thing
can inhale fully without walls
compressing the air away
can fly up above this city
its modest downtown
shrinking down to model size
the people dotting around
saying isn’t it just awful
and what can we say
to make it feel less awful
and i’m there in the air
singing
nothing
nothing
nothing
About the Poem
I had found a different poem by Joshua Jennifer Espinoza called “It Is Important To Be Something” and while I was looking up information about her, I came across this poem on her Tumblr site. While a lot of “NOTHING” is about being trans, but when I read:
i lie around wondering
what, if anything
i should post on the internet
about the government trying
I decided to use this poem instead. I had spent about an hour or so trying to come up with a poem to use today, and I was “wondering / what, if anything / i should post.” This happens to me more than I’d like to admit. My life is not exactly exciting, and sometimes, I am just not up to babbling on about things other people probably have no interest in. I like talking about politics, but a lot of people don’t like political discussions. I like talking about Star Trek, but again, not all people like to listen to things about Star Trek that I find interesting. There are numerous other topics as well: a recipe I found, books I’ve read, a restaurant I went to or want to go to, important news items, etc. And while I do sometimes write about these things, sometimes I don’t write about them because I am lazy.
I found “NOTHING” to be an interesting poem from beginning to end, especially the final lines:
and what can we say
to make it feel less awful
and i’m there in the air
singing
nothing
nothing
nothing
Sometimes I feel the same way. What can I say to make things better: nothing, nothing, nothing. However, sometimes we must speak up. Being silent about what right-wing state governments (and Republicans in general) are doing to erase trans people and drag queens, trying to erase literature that they find offensive, taking retribution out on and silencing those who disagree with them, and just being all around nasty will get us nowhere. We have to speak out and most importantly we need to go vote.
About the Poet
Joshua Jennifer Espinoza is a trans woman poet and the author of I Don’t Want to Be Understood (Alice James Books, 2024), There Should Be Flowers (Civil Coping Mechanisms, 2016), and i’m alive / it hurts / i love it (Boost House, 2014). Espinoza's work covers topics like mental illness, coming out as a transgender woman, as well as universal themes like love, grief, anger, and beauty. She is a Visiting Professor of English at Occidental College in Los Angeles, California.
Monday, July 24, 2023
The Song of Achilles
A tale of gods, kings, immortal fame, and the human heart, The Song of Achilles is a dazzling literary feat that brilliantly reimagines Homer’s enduring masterwork, The Iliad. An action-packed adventure, an epic love story, and a marvelously conceived and executed page-turner, Miller’s monumental debut novel has already earned resounding acclaim from some of contemporary fiction’s brightest lights—and fans of Mary Renault, Bernard Cornwell, Steven Pressfield, and Colleen McCullough’s Masters of Rome series will delight in this unforgettable journey back to ancient Greece in the Age of Heroes.
Reviewing The Song of Achilles for The Guardian, Natalie Haynes commended the novel as "more poetic than almost any translation of Homer" and "a deeply affecting version of the Achilles story." Mary Doria Russell similarly praised the novel in her review for The Washington Post, favorably citing its "prose as clean and spare as the driving poetry of Homer." In his review for The New York Times, Daniel Mendelsohn criticized the book's structure and, in particular, its tone. He compared the book unfavorably to young adult literature, describing The Song of Achilles as "a book that has the head of a young adult novel, the body of the Iliad, and the hindquarters of Barbara Cartland." He also compared the novel's prose to SparkNotes and softcore pornography. I agree with Haynes and Russell’s assessments, but Mendelsohn couldn’t be further from the truth. There is nothing young adult about the book, and it is mostly certainly not softcore pornographic. In fact, the sex scenes are hardly explicit. The book is beautifully written, moving, and historically fascinating.
Sunday, July 23, 2023
Have the Hope of Job
The hope of the righteous will be gladness, but the expectation of the wicked will perish.
—Proverbs 10:28
The Book of Job addresses why God permits evil in the world, through the experiences of Job, a wealthy and God-fearing man with a comfortable life and a large family. God asked Satan for his opinion of Job's piety and decides to take away Job's wealth, family, and material comforts, following Satan's accusation that if Job were rendered penniless and without his family, he would turn away from God. The story of Job teaches us that we can have steadfast hope in God no matter what happens to us. In the life of Job, we see the breadth and depth of human suffering. We see suffering in health (Job 2:7), suffering in the loss of property (1:14–17), and suffering in the tragic death of family members (1:18–19). Ultimately, because of Job’s faith his is restored to health, riches and family, and lives to see his children to the fourth generation. Like the parables of Jesus in the New Testament, the story is less about “Did it really happen?” than it is about the message.
The Book of Job shows us that suffering is universal. We all suffer at one time or another, though it differs from circumstance to circumstance. What may cause one person’s suffering may not cause another’s. Then there is what we might call “common suffering.” This is suffering that affects all people without distinction. It is simply the result of living. It includes health problems from colds to cancer. It includes bad weather, earthquakes, and typhoons. It includes financial struggles, and even death itself. Each tragic incident in Job’s life includes an element of this common suffering.
Eliphaz the Temanite, one of the friends or comforters of Job who tries to convince Job that his suffering is because of his sins, asks him in Job 4:6, “Is not your reverence your confidence? And the integrity of your ways your hope?” It made sense to Eliphaz that suffering was the consequence of sin and that, if a person suffered, he was being punished by God. However, Eliphaz was wrong. Job’s life is a clear example of how sometimes the innocent suffer. I cannot answer the question of why God lets us suffer. It is one of the divine mysteries that I cannot explain, but I do know that I, nor anyone else, suffer because of our sins. The answer may be in Romans 5:3-5 which says, “And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”
In this Notes from the Underground, Fr. Donald Cozzens writes, "We don't suffer for our sins; we suffer from our sins. That's the message Jesus taught when he told the scandalous story of the prodigal son. We're loved already, saved already, redeemed already- before we can ever merit God's love, or be saved by Jesus' passion, or be redeemed by our entering into the Paschal Mystery." (Note: The Paschal Mystery is one of the central concepts of Catholic faith relating to the history of salvation.) Some Christians say that God himself directly chastises his followers for their sins, and therefore, we suffer because of our own sin. I was never taught this. I was taught that any punishment would come in the afterlife, though I have always believed that you must be truly evil down to your soul for God to send you to Hell. Job’s friends assume that his suffering is a direct result of disobedience (Job 8:4). Their comfort of Job angered God because suffering is never divine punishment for specific sins.
If we look at the recent floods in Vermont, we will see that while there is great suffering in the destruction it caused, the state is recovering. People are working hard to restore the areas most affected. Some Christians may claim that Vermont suffered the floods because they are too “woke” as the Republicans might say. However, if you look at the flooding in Vermont, only two people died of it. The message is not that Vermont suffered because of what some perceive as it’s sinful ways because it helps the poor, protects the environment, lifts the downtrodden, i.e., all the things that make a good Christian. The message is that we must stop destroying the earth with pollution. If we don’t staunch the tide of global warming and take care of the environment, then we will all be doomed. Global warming is a consequence of greed and is very real.
Despite its focus on challenges and sufferings, the book of Job speaks a message of great hope to the world. The physician Habib Sadeghi wrote, "Hope believes there are greater forces against you but that there’s a chance you might win out. Hope is wishing. Faith is knowing. The universe is listening." We live in a world longing for comfort and hope, and such hope is found in faith in God. We are loved faithfully and passionately by God who works all things for our good (Rom. 8:28). James 5:11 tells us “Indeed we count them blessed who endure. You have heard of the perseverance of Job and seen the end intended by the Lord—that the Lord is very compassionate and merciful.”
We can give people hope by doing God’s work. Job 5:16 says, “So the poor have hope, and injustice shuts their mouths.” Many of us are beaten down by the injustices of the world, and for some it causes them to shrink back, to “shut their mouths.” Injustice perpetrated by people is meant to silence. However, we are to intercede for the world, both in prayer and in life. Second Corinthians 1:3-4 tells us that Gods is out comfort and we should share that comfort: “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” The comfort we are commanded to give must be shown in our actions to others. It allows us to spread hope.
We must not only have hope ourselves but give that hope to others. However, we cannot do that if we do not have hope ourselves. In The Beatrice Letters, the fictional character Lemony Snicket says, "Strange as it may seem, I still hope for the best, even though the best, like an interesting piece of mail, so rarely arrives, and even when it does it can be lost so easily." I will end with the words of Stephen King, "Remember, Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies."
Saturday, July 22, 2023
Moment of Zen: Ice Cold Coca-Cola
Friday, July 21, 2023
Pictures
Thursday, July 20, 2023
T.G.I.Thursday
Wednesday, July 19, 2023
Good Morning
Tuesday, July 18, 2023
As I Walked Out One Evening
As I Walked Out One Evening
By W. H. Auden
As I walked out one evening,
Walking down Bristol Street,
The crowds upon the pavement
Were fields of harvest wheat.
And down by the brimming river
I heard a lover sing
Under an arch of the railway:
‘Love has no ending.
‘I’ll love you, dear, I’ll love you
Till China and Africa meet,
And the river jumps over the mountain
And the salmon sing in the street,
‘I’ll love you till the ocean
Is folded and hung up to dry
And the seven stars go squawking
Like geese about the sky.
‘The years shall run like rabbits,
For in my arms I hold
The Flower of the Ages,
And the first love of the world.’
But all the clocks in the city
Began to whirr and chime:
‘O let not Time deceive you,
You cannot conquer Time.
‘In the burrows of the Nightmare
Where Justice naked is,
Time watches from the shadow
And coughs when you would kiss.
‘In headaches and in worry
Vaguely life leaks away,
And Time will have his fancy
To-morrow or to-day.
‘Into many a green valley
Drifts the appalling snow;
Time breaks the threaded dances
And the diver’s brilliant bow.
‘O plunge your hands in water,
Plunge them in up to the wrist;
Stare, stare in the basin
And wonder what you’ve missed.
‘The glacier knocks in the cupboard,
The desert sighs in the bed,
And the crack in the tea-cup opens
A lane to the land of the dead.
‘Where the beggars raffle the banknotes
And the Giant is enchanting to Jack,
And the Lily-white Boy is a Roarer,
And Jill goes down on her back.
‘O look, look in the mirror,
O look in your distress:
Life remains a blessing
Although you cannot bless.
‘O stand, stand at the window
As the tears scald and start;
You shall love your crooked neighbour
With your crooked heart.’
It was late, late in the evening,
The lovers they were gone;
The clocks had ceased their chiming,
And the deep river ran on.
About the Poem
"As I Walked Out One Evening" is a rhyming ballad, originally titled “Song” when it was first published in the New Statesman and Nation magazine in January 1938. It was later also published in Auden's book Another Time in 1940, with its now familiar longer title.
This poem has been set to music by various composers over time, the short rhythmic lines making ideal lyrics. I tried to find some of these compositions, but only found one by the Welsh poet Dylan Thomas, but trust me, I will not put you through that.
Auden's technical talents allowed him to produce a vast range of poetic forms, from traditional ballads like this one to groundbreaking epics. His interests were broad—from politics to spirituality, history to societal influences, and always the concern for the individual's role in the bigger scheme of things. “As I Walked Out One Evening” focuses on the idea that love, represented by a pair of lovers the speaker overhears, is subject to time, expressed through the chimes of the city clocks.
The main theme is mortality. Humans, with all their intimate relationships, with their idealistic and foolish notions of love, cannot avoid or evade the consequences of time, no matter what they say or feel. Time cannot be deceived. What is fascinating about this poem is the way Auden has used different voices to explore this subject. The opening stanza and three quarters of the following, for example, see the first-person speaker begin a walk down to the river. At the end of the second stanza another voice, that of the lover, becomes the second first-person speaker. In the sixth stanza yet another voice enters the scene, that of the city clocks, telling the lovers that they cannot conquer Time. At the end of the poem, the original speaker returns.
Auden wrote the poem in 1937, published it in 1938, and again in 1940. It reflects the anxiety he had about his own relationships in life and was one of a number of poems that were created around the time of the Second World War and all the uncertainty surrounding the future of the West.
About the Poet
Wystan Hugh Auden was born in York, England, on February 21, 1907. He moved to Birmingham during childhood and was educated at Christ Church, Oxford. As a young man he was influenced by the poetry of Thomas Hardy and Robert Frost, as well as William Blake, Emily Dickinson, Gerard Manley Hopkins, and Old English verse. At Oxford, his precocity as a poet was immediately apparent, and he formed lifelong friendships with two fellow writers, Stephen Spender, and Christopher Isherwood.
In 1928, Auden’s collection, Poems, was privately printed, but it wasn’t until 1930, when another collection titled Poems (though its contents were different) was published, that Auden was established as the leading voice of a new generation.
Ever since, Auden has been admired for his unsurpassed technical virtuosity and an ability to write poems in nearly every imaginable verse form; the incorporation in his work of popular culture, current events, and vernacular speech; and also, for the vast range of his intellect, which drew easily from an extraordinary variety of literatures, art forms, social and political theories, and scientific and technical information. He had a remarkable wit, and often mimicked the writing styles of other poets such as Dickinson, W. B. Yeats, and Henry James. His poetry frequently recounts, literally or metaphorically, a journey or quest, and his travels provided rich material for his verse.
Auden visited Germany, Iceland, and China, served in the Spanish Civil War, and, in 1939, moved to the United States, where he met his lover, Chester Kallman, and became an American citizen. His own beliefs changed radically between his youthful career in England, when he was an ardent advocate of socialism and Freudian psychoanalysis, and his later phase in America, when his central preoccupation became Christianity and the theology of modern Protestant theologians. A prolific writer, Auden was also a noted playwright, librettist, editor, and essayist. Generally considered the greatest English poet of the twentieth century, his work has exerted a major influence on succeeding generations of poets on both sides of the Atlantic.
W. H. Auden served as a Chancellor of the Academy of American Poets from 1954 to 1973, and divided most of the second half of his life between residences in New York City and Austria. He died in Vienna on September 29, 1973.
Monday, July 17, 2023
Don’t Want To
Sunday, July 16, 2023
Pray for Them
Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
—Matthew 11:28-30
Last week was a long week for many in Vermont. Since Monday, people have been working to clean up the damage done by the floods. A lot has been done so far, but there is so much more to do. So today, I am simply going to ask that you pray for those who have suffered because of the widespread flooding in my adopted state.
Also, today’s post is a short one because I had a terrible migraine last night, and I still have a bit of one this morning. I have just not been up to writing a longer Sunday post and am taking a day of rest.